Parents worrying about their kids seems like a pretty normal thing, right? I mean, we love our children and that's why we worry about them from time to time (okay, maybe all the time). Worrying just means we care, it's totally normal; but it is also totally unnecessary and potentially damaging in ways you might not realize.
"I worry because I love you" was a phrase frequently uttered and insinuated to me throughout most of my young life. I was taught that if you truly cared about something or someone, you worried and stressed over pretty much everything about them (it's my Italian family's tradition!). I spent the better part of my young life, into adult-hood, riddled with anxiety, from an engrained thinking pattern, filled with worst case scenario type thoughts and beliefs; it was hell!
By the time I had kids, the fears became almost overwhelming and I knew something had to change. I absolutely did not want to surround my kids with limits based on scenarios that actually didn't even exist; except in my negatively trained mind. I was also beginning to experience a host of health issues, from migraines to fibroids, and I knew if I didn' t make some changes it would only start getting worse. So I sought the help of a holistic health coach who taught me about clean eating but also, somewhat unexpectedly, shed light on how my worry wart habits were impacting my health and a whole lot more.
This awareness was literally life changing. For years my habitually fear based thinking had gone practically unnoticed by me and it was running the show; slowing ruining my health and peace of mind. The realization was powerful for me personally and it also completely changed my approach with parenting. Since worrying was shown to me as a child by my parents and adults in my family, I was also doing that with my own children on a regular basis; making way to many things a false crisis and teaching my own kids the same fear based thinking I had learned.
Realizing the implications of giving voice to your worries starts as a personal epiphany, but that does not mean its impact of it is limited to just you. Worrying affects everyone around you and in your life (especially those you worry about). From an energy standpoint, whatever we think about, say, or believe has a frequency. That frequency is always matched, because like energy attracts like energy (Law of Attraction), and that frequency is what we put out into the world and/or share with those around us. In the case of worrying, understanding the energy side of the equation is powerful and highly useful in creating positive changes.
Nothing, at all, ever positive results from worrying; NOTHING! As a parent, knowing that is important, but it is even more important to know the other potential outcomes of worrying about our children; ones we perhaps never imagined, but certainly would not want to consciously create.
Here are 5 surprising reasons for parents to stop worrying:
1. Destructive Messages
Worrying is not aligned with the energy love, it is aligned with the energy of fear; it stems from a lack of faith. The message we send, and the energy we put into the world, when we worry about someone is that we are afraid because we do not have faith in the world, or in people or in our own child in some way. When parents worry, their kids notice, and we teach them to be afraid, to not have faith in themselves. Even if your worrying is somehow justified in your mind, the message is one of fear and a lack of faith. The next time your worry about your child, for whatever reason, picture yourself telling them you do not have complete faith in them and that they should not either (because that is part of the message you are sending and teaching them).
2. Crap Energy
Worrying is aligned with fear, making it very low vibrating energy. I call it crap energy, because it is like using your mind and imagination to create complete crap! Every time you think about someone, you send out that energy frequency to them; so loving thoughts send loving energy for example. When you worry about someone, you send that energy frequency to them; so you send them crap energy. The next time you worry about your child, for whatever reason (big or small issues, it does not matter in terms of energy), picture yourself giving a pile of crap to them (I know, ew; but this visual is a powerful agent of change)
3. Time Waster
Time is precious. It is our most valuable asset and it is fleeting. How we spend our time matters, the choices we make with it define and create our lives. Using your time to create and give voice to terrible, worse case scenarios is a complete and utter waste of it! Nothing good or positive will ever occur from worrying about something or someone. The next time you worry about your child, picture yourself throwing precious time you could be spending doing something joyful with them right in the garbage!
4. Fear Factor
Worrying, fretting, stressing etc… is all just another word for FEAR! The worst part is that we actually create more fear when we choose to worry (even if it is just for a minute!). By worrying about our kids, we teach them to be afraid and can potentially lead them to having unnecessary anxiety. Fear is a survival instinct that alerts us to danger through our intuition. That instinct has cues, like tension in our gut, that we can tune into and follow. Creating scenarios of fear by worrying of is a misuse of this instinct. When you worry about your child, picture yourself telling and showing them to be afraid (of the world and others).
5. Dream Crusher
There are many roads to creating your dreams, but none of them are paved with fear. Worrying destroys dreams, because it keeps us in a stagnant state of inaction with self-created excuses of why things simply will not work out. You can, of course, focus your thinking on reasons why things will work out, but it requires discipline. When we worry, we teach our children not only to give voice to fears, but to give in to them. This can create a habit of making excuses, instead of making plans. When you worry about your child, picture encouraging them to allow fear to be an excuse.