Relationships

What Triggers Jealousy and How to Put It To Good Use

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Written by Janice Pascual

Jealousy is an emotion that lives within all of us. Most of us deal with jealousy one time or another.

When it comes up, it’s never pretty.

Jealousy can create harm and destroy our relationships. We act out in ways that hurts other people and eventually ourselves.

jealousySome people act on it by making curt comments. Some deliberately divert the attention.

Doesn’t matter how we react, it all says the same thing.

We diminish the light in others because we are afraid that it will give them more attention and the more it takes away from us or the more it highlights what we lack.

When we don’t understand what jealousy is there for, it controls us and hurts everyone and destroys relationships.

Most of us feel bad, even ashamed of being jealous. Accepting that it is a normal feeling and is there to make us see our dark side and to identify what we we lack can help us grow and better ourselves.

First, realize it’s about us, not them

When we feel jealous, there is something lacking in us that needs to be addressed. It’s not about the other person; they are just the emotional trigger.

Pay attention when we feel jealous

When we pay attention to the feelings, it reveals desires we never knew we had, or wouldn’t admit to.

Take time to understand and figure out what it is about the situation or the person that is causing you to react so violently.

Let’s understand why jealousy is triggered and how we can use it to improve our life

We have a lack mentality

Jealousy is a mindset that’s rooted in scarcity. Our core belief is that other people’s success takes away from us.

It’s that scarcity mindset that tells us we’re in competition with each other. When others gain, it takes away from us. So if someone gets that one great thing, we can’t have it. We believe there is not enough to go around and that there is only one “winner”.

Truth is, there are enough resources out there to be shared with everyone. We need to develop an abundance mentality. There are more than enough resources for everyone.

We haven’t reached our highest potential yet

When we’re jealous of a person, it reveals a part of us that actually aspires to be like them.

Are you annoyed at that loud person who can’t seem to stop sharing everything with everyone? Maybe there is a part of you that wishes you can be more expressive?

Jealousy is there to let us know that we need to grow to become the person we were meant to be.

We haven’t created the life we truly want yet

When we see others living what we think is a good life, it’s teaching us to see what is lacking in our own life. To realize what doesn’t work in our life.

It is there so we can define what we want out of life.

Only then can we begin to fill our life with what we want.

Simply by filling our life with people and activities that actually matters to us, we won’t feel the need to be jealous. We would be too busy living our full life to be looking at other people’s life, let alone be jealous.

We fear we’re not enough

Deep down, we see ourselves as not good enough and therefore not deserving.

We feel we’re not good enough to have what they have, so secretly we feel resentful or threatened.

By acknowledging our own strengths, we cultivate high self esteem. When we do this, we won’t have a reason to feel jealous.

We fear we’re not capable

When we feel we’re not capable enough to achieve what others have, we become resigned to the idea that we won’t ever have it. So we become jealous.

Think of something you’re really good at. When someone surpasses you in that area, would you feel threatened? Chances are you won’t. In fact, you know you will inspire each other to do better. You”˜re not threatened and you actually see it as a good thing because you are confident in your skill. You know you’re capable.

So let go of the limiting belief and start honing your skills so you become capable enough to get you want.

We have the “Why not me?” entitlement mentality

When someone gets something we want, it’s easy to feel “Why not me?”

Just because someone else has it good, does not mean you are entitled to have it also.

Recognize the hard work that person put in for them to get to where they are and to have what they have. So learn to be happy for them. Then work hard yourself to get the things you want.

We’re not grateful enough

Sometimes it’s as simple as not noticing the blessings in our own lives. We are too busy counting other people’s blessings that we forget to be grateful for our own blessings.

We don’t put ourselves in other people’s shoes

We all know how it feels to share a happy moment and be crushed because the other person was threatened and couldn’t be happy for us. We’ve all been on the other side of the table. We know how it feels, and it doesn’t feel too good.

At the very least, don’t be the person we’ve been hurt by.

Jealousy allows us to confront our negative beliefs and challenges us to break free to create a more abundant life.

The next time we feel jealous, be reminded that we are not acknowledging our own blessings enough and it’s time to focus on building a life we want and to count our own blessings.

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About the author

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Janice Pascual

Striving to live a meaningful life. Combining two loves: cartooning & personal development led to the creation of Mind Snapshots. Web Comic for the soul.