Knowing me, knowing you!

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Feeling comfortable in your skin

No matter what age we are a lot of us may feel we do not belong or we just don't fit in. I have felt like this all my life and I used to say to myself I am just a little weird but I liked it.   It wasn't as if people didn't want to befriend me it was I didn't want to befriend anybody. I didn't want to give my energy to people who were not important to me. I find it hard enough finding energy for myself, my family and my surrounding family. I just wouldn't be able to devote time to anybody else and nor do I want to.

I have read and heard lots of people saying to get on in life you need to network, you need to know people. I have never ever found this a hindrance in my life. In fact the more I resist networking or getting to know people the more people want to know me.

My wife and kids are my life and I give most of my time, energy and love to them and I love it this way. I have a few very good friends and we see each other every once in a while. I have lots of acquantenances; workmates, people I go to when I need something done, other agencies I work woith, my clients etc. A lot of people collect friends for a hobby, but are they really friends/ and why do they feel the need to do it?

knowing_me_youI realised I was this way at the age of about 21. I hung around with a group of friends for years but always felt I didn't quite fit in, I was trying to be a "˜lad'. I got the girls okay but I was blessed with good looks, or so I was told, so I didn't have to rely on the chat. Eventually after many conversations with myself I decided to drop my friends. There was only one of them I kept in touch with as he was a genuine person and I respected him. To me this was extremely drastic but I needed to do it for the sake of my mental health. I didn't have the bottle to tell them exactly how I felt, at that time, but I made it clear a few years ago when we met up at a friends wedding.

The point I am making is that it's okay to have really tried to fit in and admitting to yourself you're just not that type of person, you either go and make different friends or just go it alone for a while.

Again going it alone is extremely difficult and very lonely sometimes. However this was my period when I started to really get in tune with the world and read all I could about alternative therapies, psychics, lucid dreaming, astral projection, self development, self help. After a few years I was truly comfortable with myself. I spent the time alone, the time that was needed to know me before I gave my time to anybody else.

I started to manifest the things I wanted in my life. At the time I started this around 7 years ago, I was living in a 1 bed roomed flat in a bad part of Glasgow, I was bankrupt after losing big time on the stock market around £120,000, I didn't have a car, a girlfriend, money to go out, I literally had nothing.

I started manifesting all the things I wanted in my life, a family, a loving beautiful wife, a car, a house, some money in the bank, a book written by me.

Three years later my life turned around when I met my wife and two boys and I have never looked back.

My point here is I wouldn't have really found myself if I had kept on trying to fit in. The reason I felt I didn't fit in was because I wasn't being congruent with myself, other people could unconsciously sense I wasn't being true to myself therefore tended to not get along with me. When I really found out the things I liked in life and started to live by my principles and values many people were genuinely attracted to my personality.

Many young people go through this angst every day and it can be extremely hard growing up and finding your place in the world. It can be just as hard when you're an adult. There are a number of things you can do to help yourself:

1. Know the type of person you want to be. What are the person's values and principles, live these principles and values and drop a few and gain a few along the way but be true to them and w you will become that person.
2. Read books about the type of person you want to be.
3. If you have friends you genuinely don't like, drop them!
4.Find the things you really like in life, music, hobbies, type of people. When you know what you like, like minded people will automatically be attracted to you. You are being congruent with yourself and people can sense this.
5.Say NO! more often and empower yourself (read my article on this here)
6. Try and get in tune with yourself by meditating
7. Write down your goals in life (This helps you realise what you really want in life).
8. Ask yourself questions all the time and you will find your true nature. (If you get into the habit of questioning all your decisions you will quickly learn a lot about yourself and change accordingly).
9.Pray to yourself, you are your true GOD.
10. Once you have found yourself go and live your life as you have been given a gift a knowing yourself and know that you will continue to grow every day.

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About the author

Steven Aitchison

Steven Aitchison is the author of The Belief Principle and an online trainer teaching personal development and online business.  He is also the creator of this blog which has been running since August 2006.