How To Get Your Self-Esteem Back After A Break-Up

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Let's face it: love brings not only happiness but also suffering. Some people believe that after a painful break-up they will have a better future, whereas others operate from an emotional mindset and they think that they've lost their chance in love, they begin to look for the cause of unhappiness in themselves, the empty feeling of unworthiness consumes they mentally, emotionally, physically, and their self-esteem declines.

Healing from a bad breakup is a process that can't begin until you are able to feel good about who you are.

So, first of all, remember that you have your own charm and you are beautiful in your own way.

Here are tips that will help you to reclaim your self-confidence and gain self-respect.

How To Boost Self Esteem After Break Up

Your self-esteem suffers from the break-up because you've lost the one you deeply loved. However, it's not the reason for wallowing in misery for the rest of your life. On the contrary, you should be optimistic, cheerful and enjoy your life to the fullest. Here are certain ways to boost self esteem after break up.

Focus On Your Best Qualities

When a relationship fails, it's easy to blame yourself. You may think that you weren't kind, sincere, loving, supportive, and understanding enough. But this is a misleading path that can lead to depression and psychological problems. Instead of it, search for the best in yourself and focus on your positive qualities. Remember that everybody has shortcomings and no one is perfect. Embrace your personality and review your accomplishments. Think about all good you've done, what your close people like about you, which qualities you want to develop to become better and to make people around you happier.

Perceive yourself in a positive light and don't criticize yourself for not being able to keep the relationship together.

Don't look back

Undoubtedly, big love and big grief are interrelated. So, there's much between you and your ex-lover. It's natural that you can take some time to grief, but grief shouldn't overwhelm you. Come to terms with the fact that the relationship is over and a new, thrilling stage is waiting for you.

Get rid of all things that can remind of the relationship, don't recall good or bad memories. Don't listen to your songs, don't go to the places you used to go with the ex-partner, get rid of all photos.

With time, this period will transform into a positive experience, but just after the break-up, it's better to get rid of all things that united you.

Get distracted

In order to eliminate all worries, do something new and exciting. Gaining new experience is one of the ways to rebuild your identity. Pamper yourself with a new haircut, hit the gym, buy yourself a new wardrobe, learn new languages, go traveling and discover new places, pick up new hobbies, try the things that let you feel a rush of adrenaline in your blood: kayaking, rafting, bungee jumping, skydiving.

Consider this period from a positive perspective and think that it's high time to fulfill all your dreams. Have you always wanted to conquer Mount Everest? Have you wanted to learn how to dance and participate in competitions? Have you wanted to improve your cooking skills? Now is the time to do it. New, productive activities will not only distract you, but also boost your self-esteem, and contribute to your personal growth.

Look at the relationship objectively

If you perceive the previous relationship objectively, then your self-confidence won't decline because you are a self-sufficient person who does not look at the world and people through rose-tinted glasses. There are days when you can just sit at home and think about your past and a tidal wave of nostalgia can overwhelm you. But this is not the period to be sympathetic and nostalgic. This is the time to realize your mistakes, analyze them, and move forward with a clear idea of the relationship you want to build, what you need to change in yourself and the qualities you are looking for in the second half.

Don't trace your ex's life

A break-up isn't easy and all people perceive it differently. If you are devastated and broken, do not try to find out about a new relationship of your ex-lover, do not find out about his or her new partner and never compare yourself with his or her current love. Don't dwell on silly issues such as "Is he/she younger? Is he/she more attractive? Is he/she more successful?" Do not look for faults in yourself! As long as you think about it, the past won't let you go and you won't start living the present.

Seek support and help from your family and friends

To isolate yourself from the outside world is not the best solution for you. It's better to surround yourself with friends and relatives who will help you to get over this situation and who will help you to believe in yourself again. They will tell you that you are an awesome person and it doesn't matter whether you are single or not.

Forgive yourself for mistakes and forgive your ex-partner for mistakes

There's no a perfect relationship and all people make mistakes. If the relationship didn't work, nobody is guilty. If you have resentment and offenses, then it will cause much pain and influence negatively your self-worth. Remember that forgiving is an act of self-empowering, so find the strength inside yourself to forgive the person and let go of this burden that prevents you from moving further. When you forgive, it means that the person can't hurt you and influence your self-esteem anymore.

Create a "safe" zone

When you feel miserable and your self-esteem is low, the last thing you need is to hear from other people the words of regret and feel their pity. Therefore, don't communicate with people, who let you down and don't let your ex pull you back into a dysfunctional relationship. Besides, all unwanted obligations, unnecessary activities should be eliminated from your life.

Sort out all issues that were responsible for the break-up

One of the ways to improve your self-esteem is to know that everything bad that has happened isn't your fault. You can speak with your ex-lover, discuss everything and apologize. If your love is still strong, you accept all consequences of the break-up, you don't want to hurt each other again, then it may be a starting point for a new beginning for you. This will be the second chance for both of you, which you should use wisely. So, if you wonder how to regain love after breakup, this is the following rule "“ apologize, accept the partner, and earn trust.

Love yourself and know that you deserve all the best

Don't settle for anyone mediocre just because you weren't patient enough to wait for the very best.

You deserve to be happy. Think about your strengths and know that one day you'll meet the person, who will love you deeply, respect infinitely, and treat perfectly. Besides, remember that you are a genuine person and you don't need anybody to feel worthy.

Hence, what has happened to you doesn't define you, so look at yourself in a positive light and don't let the break-up let you down. Use these tips to get your self-esteem back and enjoy your life.

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About the author

Andrew Guerra

Andrew Guerra is the founder of He likes to share his thoughts with the people around. His writing on motivation, love has appeared to make our life better. Andrew believes in fairness and human wisdom.