How to Be the Friend Everyone Wants to Have

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If you want high-quality friendships in your life, you probably have wondered whether you're the kind of friend people want. Maybe you hesitated in the past because you felt intimidated by a group of people, and maybe you thought that you don't have what it takes to be friends with them.

If you can understand how friendship works, you can connect with the right people, for the right reasons. Here, I want to share with you some of the most sought-after qualities in a friend.

1. Volunteer Help In Times Of Need

be_the_friendThis sounds like the most common-sense thing to do, but people seem to take it for granted. It's not enough to lend a helping hand when you're asked, you actually need to be pro-active about it.

When a friend, or a friend-to-be, needs help, that's a great opportunity to deepen the relationship. They're not likely to ask for it, unless they've known you forever. But, if you know they need help, and know you can deliver, then I recommend you go for it.

2. Build Trust From the Start

As I always say, "sharing secrets is a secret to making friends." Friendships are based on trust. When you start to be open with people, they're likely to start doing the same.

This shows a bit of vulnerability on your part, but you don't have to do it all at once. You increase the "openness" with people as you get to know them and like them, and only if they, too, are opening themselves up as well.

3. Show Some Emotional Support

This is not about a tangible support, but rather a psychological and emotional one. Great friends support others in their group. They show positivity and confidence when it comes to your aspirations. They also assert that you're totally capable of overcoming the challenges that life throws at you.

It sounds like a detail, but it's not; relationships are about emotions. And if you make people feel great and you support them emotionally, they'll stick around!

4. Speaking up for the other in his or her absence

This one is obvious but still very relevant. As much as people want to show that they don't care what others think, they still care a lot about what you, as a friend, think of them.

Why? Because you're a close one; you know them intimately; and therefore, they feel more vulnerable to your opinion of them.

Here, the rule is to speak of them positively in their absence. And never talk negatively to them about former friends, as that is a clear tell-tell sign that you'll do the same to them if you're no longer pals. Avoid criticizing people behind their backs, as much as you can.

Having said that…

I don't pretend that this list is definitive; there is a lot more to friendship than a one-page list.

And to be precise, You don't have to follow all these rules with people you're just getting to know. These help you strengthen relationships, and transform acquaintances into friends. However, you don't need to be a super good friend to anyone and everyone.

I recommend you increase your loyalty in a gradual way, as you get to know and begin to like the other person.

If you want to receive other tips on finding great people, beating shyness, making friends, and building your social life, I suggest you get on my Social Skills Newsletter.

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About the author

Paul Sanders

Paul Sanders's Get The Friends You Want teaches you how to:
Overcome Shyness & Loneliness ; Master Conversation & Social Skills ; Make Friends & Build a Social Circle.
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