It’s over. You broke up. That’s it, you’re through. For sure. Now what? How do we move on? How are you supposed to live without them? So many questions, so little hope. Of course, if the separation was mutual, it’s slightly easier to move on and there seem to be fewer attachments. But what if it wasn’t mutual? He dumped you. You threw him and his stuff out. The ugly breakup. What comes with that is ugly emotions. Anger, hate, resentment, disgust, betrayal, the list goes on and on.
We want to move on joyfully, right? See you later, I’m moving on in happiness. Such is not the case though. We have attachment issues, we cling to for dear life, yet we desperately want to let go. How do we do this? This list might help a wee bit.
Before you met them. Before you spent all that time with them. Before you even knew their name. Go back to your life then. You surely had some good things in your life then. Go there, to that happy place. Going back, and though we shouldn’t go back unless it’s to look to see how far we’ve come, can be helpful at a time like this so we can remind ourselves that we had a perfectly normal life before them and we can do it again without them. Some of us were probably way better before they entered our lives.
2. Count the bad.
I know that sounds horrible but you should do it. Think of all the things that you really didn’t like about your partner. The things that drove you crazy, made you cringe, made you want to smack them upside the head, made you cry, go through absolutely everything you didn’t like. When you are reminded of all that crappy stuff, it’s easy to let go of any memory of them. Don’t discredit the good, now is just not a time to reminisce about it, that’s all. You want to dig up all the dirty. Call them names if you have to (in your head, not publicly), do whatever it takes to make the image of them so horrible you will go to any lengths to permanently delete it.
3. Hang with friends.
This sounds like a no brainer but a lot of us tend to hide in our shells right after a breakup. We don’t want to see or talk to anybody. We just want to be alone and cry in our beer. Take a bit of time to be alone with you but you definitely need to call up some buds and get out of the house. Go to a movie, go play pool, go do something fun to get your mind off of your partner. Your friends will be more than happy to help you with that too. Hang with them lots. Not just once a week. Go out with them often. Do different things. Step out of your comfort zone with your friends. The idea is to not do things that you and your former partner did often.
4. Self care and self love.
I know we don’t feel any of this right after a breakup but it’s pretty important to work on these. Your value sometimes comes in pretty low, especially after we’ve been dumped. Work on picking those back up again. Read some self help books if you have to, get professional help if you need to. There are many ways to honour yourself again. Journaling is great as is meditation and self talk. Tell yourself why you are better off without this person. How you deserve better, way better.
5. Delete delete delete.
Everything. All contacts. Addresses, numbers, pictures, clothes, anything and everything. Get rid of any memory ever and any way of contacting them again. Yes, you know where they work and where they live, but you need to stay away. Clinging on to them like that is doing you no good whatsoever. Think of your life in 2 years o r 5 years. Think of how much better and happier you are going to be without this person.
It’s time to move on, move forward, to a new and happier you. Remember, you are worth it.