Finally, you met the person of your dreams. Things have been moving along swimmingly well. Who knew love could feel this good? You’ve had the discussion. You know the one. We spend so much time together why don’t we just move in? Yes, that discussion. It causes you a little bit of anxiety and you wonder to yourself, are you ready? Are you really ready?
Perhaps you are. But before you sell all your stuff and shack up there are some pretty important things you should keep in mind. You might not have given any of these much thought but they are crucial to your living arrangements going as well as your relationship is right now.
Whether you want it to or not. This doesn’t necessarily mean it’s going to be bad. It actually might be fantastic. But be prepared and be open to change.
2. Money causes a lot of separations.
Now with that said, you should lay down some working agreements around finances. If you think it necessary, and especially if one of you has property or assets, a pre-nup may be a good idea. A verbal financial agreement is not smart thinking. Get something in writing.
3. What about my stuff?
Keep what you absolutely need and love. The rest can be donated or stored. If you are open to giving or selling your things, then do so. If this makes you uncomfortable then make arrangements with someone so you can keep them because, well, you never know, right?
4. Whose house is this anyway?
If you are moving into their place, it will be awkward, no doubt. Maybe moving into a totally new place together might be a good idea if it’s at all possible. It will take you a long time to feel *at home* if it isn’t your place. You may actually never feel at home. Discuss getting a new place and see how that conversation goes. It might open your eyes to some things if it doesn’t go well.
5. Make sure you are comfortable doing everything.
Even the private personal stuff. Hiding your true self or not being able to do things is nothing short of living a suppressed life. What’s the point? You want to be completely comfortable doing all things.
6. Do you have a back up plan?
You know, just in case. You aren’t married yet and you are just moving in. Things might be touch and go for 6 months or even up to a year. If things don’t work out, then what? Where’s all your stuff?
7. Have the other talk.
You know about marriage and kids. Do you both feel the same about those topics? Travel? Pets? If you aren’t in agreement on any of those things, you may run into some serious problems in the future. Some things can be changed, others, not so much. Make sure you both know where you stand on these things.
8. Personal space.
You both need it. Everybody needs it. It’s pretty important to have. Is there a spare room in the house/apt that you can go to in order to chill out alone? Does your partner respect and appreciate your alone time? Your personal space? Make sure you both understand boundaries and limits, including your alone time.
9. Your friends are jerks.
Ok remember this, your partner is not going to give up their friends for you nor should they. If you don’t like their friends, keep in mind these people will probably still be visiting, whether you like it or not. Get used to it or start getting along with their friends. Or you could leave when they come over but really, how often are you going to want to keep doing that?
10. Who’s doing what?
Cooking cleaning laundry shovelling kid’s duty (if there are kids) all that good stuff. Better make sure you know who’s doing what or somebody is going to get stuck doing everything and that won’t make for a very happy union. Lay out the chore list asap. This will be your saving grace.
Of course there are a million other things to pay attention to but these ones listed are pretty important. A lot of them can and will be deal breakers. Set out the rules right away and save yourself some grief. Any other pointers you want to add?