With no confidence, you can only use something like 1% of your conversation skills. Confidence is what gives power and impact to what you say. If you don’t talk with confidence, no one can grasp or take into account what you say. Everything said with doubt is practically ignored. Especially when you’re meeting new people.
The more you talk with confidence, the more people will want to do what you suggest to them. The more confidence you show in your conversation, the more people will want to spend time with you and be your friend.
Be Confident or Speak Confidently?
Before we dive in, let’s start making a difference between BEING confident and BEHAVING confidently. “Being” is a too broad. You can’t just “be” anything. All you can do is “DO” something. “To be” is a very complex and abstract verb, I’m not going to tell you to “just be confident”. Here, we’re going to learn how to BEHAVE confidently and how to SPEAK confidently.
Conversing confidently is when you speak with a person and they can feel that you’re SURE of what you say. People prefer to talk with people who are sure of themselves.
Even if you’re not sure of something you can say loudly and clearly “I’M NOT SURE, BUT I THINK IT’S THAT WAY!”. It’s much better than to look all around the room, look down, shake and hesitate and say “It’s… (gasp) that way… I (gasp) think”.
How do people know if you’re speaking confidently, or not? Here are some signs that you’re speaking with confidence : (think of people who you’ve seen speaking confidently, notice how they did these things in the past)
- Fixate the person (or people) you’re talking to in the eyes, the look should be as focused as a laser. But not the entire time.
- Blink less than often
- Raise your eyebrows a little (when it’s time to talk)
- Relax your eyes
- Breath deeply so you can relax the body and lay back and raise your chin a little
- Move as little as you can
- Clear and deep voice, speak from the diaphragm
- And of course: smile slightly
Focus On Action First
If you want to speak confidently, and have people listen to you, like you and be your friend, you need to show these characteristics. You don’t have to say everything with a 100% confidence, but when it’s your turn to talk, talk with confidence.
Have you noticed that I haven’t told you to “be confident”? It’s because we’re focused on DOING what works, not trying to “BE” anything.
Even when it’s time to learn attitudes like “being cool” and “being funny”, it’s way better to focus on action. It’s better to focus on what to DO to deliver coolness and humor. It makes things much easier, compared with “being” something you’re just about to learn.
These signs will work for you today if you try them. I don’t care how long you have been talking in an unsure way, no matter what you want to say, to whom, if you deliver the confidence signs, people will treat you the way they treat confident people: they like them, respect them and have a tendency to want to get to know them.
How to practice this? Simple, get in front of the mirror and practice… I believe you get in front of the mirror every morning. Practice saying a couple of phrases as if you’re talking to someone else. Try introducing yourself or expressing an opinion you have while showing the “confidence signs”.
Then, practice with people that don’t know you and especially those you won’t be meeting again. Like in a nearby city. Those people will just assume that you always talk that way and accept it. And that will give you a reference that these techniques work for you.
If you want to learn more techniques for meeting new people, I recommend that you get on my Free Social Skills Newsletter.
In it, I’ll show you the best techniques and strategies for meeting and making friends. I’ll also share with you new tips for having amazing conversations, that instantly make people want to get to know you.
See you there.
– Paul Sanders