12 Qualities Women Want in Their Men

Steven Aitchison
Written by Steven Aitchison

Guys – Do you have the qualities women want?

We all have good qualities and bad qualities, but are there universal qualities that  women look for in their partners?

Whilst I am not a woman I have worked with women most of my working life, in a big call centre office (the truth really comes out in an office!), I have two sisters, my current place of work is predominantly women and I am married to a woman who knows what she wants.  So I have done a lot of asking, a lot of research and have come up with 12 qualities a woman looks for in a man.


12 Qualities a woman looks for in a man

(In no particular order)


This is high up on the list and is a must for guys.  When I say honest I mean being honest about everything.  If your partner asks you ‘Do you like my hair’ a response could be ‘I like it but I preferred it when it was longer.’  When you are honest about everything you will get a reputation for being honest and you will get more respect and gain trust a lot quicker.  If you are found out with one lie then the trust will disappear and it will be hard to gain back.

To be able to protect

According to the women I have spoken with they want to know their partner will be able to protect them physically in times of danger or trouble.  That’s not to say women are weak it’s a security thing and knowing that their partner is capable or willing to protect them at all costs gives women a little more peace of mind.

Get up and go

Women don’t like men who have no motivation to do anything with their lives.  They want a man who has passion and has goals in life and has got the motivation to follow their dreams.


Believe in your wife/girlfriend and support and encourage her in everything she does.

Sense of humour

This one obviously depends on each couple as everybody has a different sense of humour but women like men who can make them laugh.  That’s not to say you have to be like Robin Williams, just someone who has a sense of humour and exercises it often.


This is another one high up on the list.  You’ve got to be reliable if you want your partner to stick with you for the long term.  If she has an evening meal planned for you and you promised you’ll be home by 7 and you come strolling in at 8, this is not being reliable.  Yes, work is important but more important is the woman who loves you enough to prepare a meal and make an effort on a Friday night.


An absolute must for any long term relationship.  If you are not committed then there will always be that little doubt in the back of her mind asking if you are really serious about the relationship.

Love & Respect

There’s no question of this, if you don’t love her why would she be with you? and, if you disrespect her you may as well throw the relationship out of the window right now.  It’s not only respect for her but it’s respect for yourself as well.  If you let people walk all over you then you are not respecting yourself and this is a turn off for women.

Attuned to feelings

For the old fashioned man out there one of the main things you were missing was the ability to stay in tune with your partners feelings.  If you are attuned to your partner’s feelings then it shows respect, caring and love.  That doesn’t mean to say you let them walk all over you it just means you are in touch with her, and you know how to handle the emotions, upsets and excitement etc.


This is something you are born with and it’s also something that is very subjective.  Everyone has an attractive feature about them and rest assured someone will be attracted to you because of it.  However if you let yourself go and don’t really care about yourself, you’ll be dropped like a hot potato.


Shouldn’t even have to be said here, but so many men think they can get away with being unfaithful and it not affect them.  You will never be respected once you’ve been unfaithful and there is absolutely no excuse for it.

Some Amazing Comments


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  • ok heres the real truth we are all born indiduals so they all want different individuall things from somebody so saying that there are certain things women like is the percentage of women and until we figure out what makes us individual we will never know what all women like because thats the thing we all like different things people like different things and women are people we are each different in some way so unless you list every thought and heck just about everything in the world you cant specify or say women like this amount of things you just have to go out and find it for yourself because if we went by stuff we already know and never went outside the box nothing new would be found out all things would be “by the book” everything would be the same the truth is meet people you’ll know when its the right person for now and there is no real reason why people break up apart from we change and then want different things in our spouses.

  • I find your list and comments quite surprising actually, not for what is mentioned, but what seems to have been totally disregarded here.

    I have been married and divorced twice, and have had other serious relationships as well, at the moment I am totally single. Anyway, I can tell you the number 1 thing a woman is looking for in a man….


    A woman has a need that comes before all other needs, and that is love. It isn’t food, it isn’t money, it isn’t appearance, it isn’t anything else but love. Un-ending, never ceasing, always repeating, never taken-for-granted, expressed love. She wants to be your princess, and wants you to treat her like your most treasured possession. A woman is always in love deficit. A womans need for love is a bottomless well. You can’t ever fill it up.

    Everything else are positive additions, and of course all are important, but if you leave a woman feeling un-loved or neglected, folks, she is out the door, takes the kids, takes your house, steals your heart and stomps on it. Everyone thinks there are these and those reasons why a woman leaves a man, but the number one reason is, she isn’t getting enough love, and she will have it, or do without all together.

    Love and Women are inseperable. They are actually the same thing. Love is the basic mission of womanhood. So guys, if you want a woman, you have to give her more love than anyone deserves. It ain’t fair, but that is the way it is. But, if you do this, no one gets hurt!

  • This is a great post and I will share it with my friends on facebook. You are right with your list and I must state it clear that women who seek for serious relationship don’t really care about the physical aspect of the men but are looking for men and not boys. When I say men and not boys, I mean complete maturity in terms of communication, interests, legibility etc. This means absolute maturity. The way and manner you talk as a man matters so much to ladies. Just as the first speaker further stated, provision is very important to ladies. I was told my partner that their middle name is pleasure..a lady wants that provision from her lover and as a man, you should be able to provide for her so that she will have rest of mind. Finally, I believe strongly that women also seek for listening skill from their men. As man, you should know that most women talk and love talking and the best you can do as a man is to cultivate the act of listening. It doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t talk but know that two people who talk too much can’t live together happily. This is one quality my woman loves in me so also her friends. For more on qualities women seek from their men, please read:

  • women want so much from men that it would have been better if we could have summarized it in 2 points:-
    1. men have to earn enough in order to be extremem providers,
    2. men shouldnot expect much in return for all the favours they shower them upon their women.
    most women don’t understand love in an intangible way. its only the tangible assets you have and gift to them that matters.

    • I have to strongly disagree. You sound bitter and less than objective about “what women want!” If you go back and re-read the article you might learn the ways to change your perspectives, and your woman’s!

  • These are all the qualities that create a lasting relationship. However, the top three qualities I look for in a man are: Good looks, Someone who is good in bed and earning power. In that order. Sorry Steven.

  • Sir very well writen article with important characteristics required in both husband and wife in today’s chaotic living frame work..Well done

  • Let’s be honest, women don’t know what the hell they want in a man. You could have just thrown up any cliché generic positive qualities and supported them. The truth is when you get down to it women will find dissatisfaction in any man they find. I want to know how many women read this and nodded their heads saying something like: “If only I had me a man like that…” But the fact of the matter is, you could have this supposed “man that every woman wants” and you would still almost definitely crush his soul and leave him a sorry shell of the man he once was.

  • I agree with your blog about what women want and need in a man. Nowdays its very hard to find all these qualities in a man. If you find a man with these qualities keep him.

  • The trouble I seem to have is getting into a relationship with someone who is seemingly charming but then turns out to be entirely self-absorbed. Currently I’m somewhat “stuck” in a relationship in which he drinks too much and talks endlessly about himself – how management at the store uses and abuses him, how the people he does side jobs for constantly call him, how much pain he’s in, this, that and the other thing. I’m suffering with a ruptured disc in my back and will probably need to have surgery, and while I don’t doubt he is hurting from all the physical labor he does, he acts like my pain can’t possibly hold a candle to his. I asked him to go to the 7-11 to get me a drink the other morning, and he said he’d give me change so I could go get it myself.
    .-= Cheryl´s last blog ..Threadless Tshirt Giveaway at =-.

  • I think Colleen has a great point. Leadership is essential. However, in this feministic world, I believe women must be willing to allow the man to lead. I have a business associate who I’ve gotten to know quite well and he and his wife but heads because they both want to be the top dog of the house. In any organization (including families) there can only be one chief.
    Sometimes it seems the feminist idea of a woman has been sold to women so much that they don’t feel like it’s okay for them to want to simply stay home and be a mother. My wife has a fantastic job that others envy, but she struggles between wanting success AND wanting to just stay home and be a wife and mother. Anyway, great post and great point Colleen.
    .-= Jason Shick´s last blog ..Life is not a spectator sport. =-.

  • Wow Steven- this is one memo that men should get and re- read until it finally gets into their heads.
    Seriously- it seems obvious but most men have no clue as to what you just said. They don’t understand womens’ needs and some don’t want to “get it”. Anyways it’s a breath of fresh air to see a man writing this and communicating our exact feelings. Very rare these days to see a man have a clue about these things though.
    I’m raising 3 boys and have found that many of your posts are excellent conversation starters with my sons. I want them to have great marriages and they need to know and understand these things in order to have long lasting relationships.
    Thanks so much for this – now I’m going to go tweet , delicious, and stumble this.
    All the best,
    .-= Eren Mckay´s last blog ..Baby shower candy bar game directions and printable =-.

  • Add ‘leadership’ to the list. I make a ton of the decisions around here, however, I respect my husband’s leadership. I think leadership (especially in the home) is attractive. Perhaps not a popular view, but one I’ll stick to. We have 5 children and all are doing very well. I attribute our family structure in part to their overall well being.
    .-= Colleen´s last blog ..Kennewick Real Estate Listings =-.

  • I like your list. Most of your characteristics on your list make it on my own personal list, especially reliability and honesty. I’ve found that if I can’t trust you on the small things, for example when you say you’ll be home for dinner, then I’m not going to be able to trust you on the big things.

    You left off one very important item for me – the ability to listen. I want to know that you’ve heard what I said. You don’t have to agree with me, I’m okay with that, but please don’t talk over me and demean my opinion.
    .-= Zazzy´s last blog ..I wonder what the future has in mind for me =-.

  • Steven, this is a great post. I must admit my partnership struggles on many of the points you raise as key. Too often I would like to be protected and yet end up being the one who does the protecting. I often feel disrespected when exposed to my partner’s bad moods, frustration and irritation. Too much of this is demoralising. After 13 years I think it’s time he ‘manned up’ and worked on the 12 qualities.
    .-= Fiona Boyd´s last blog ..You can’t know it all already, take baby steps first =-.

  • The ability to be honest, sincere and success oriented attracts women rapidly. Women have a keen sense for a man who is different from the rest. Great tips bro. Keeping your mind focused on the traits above will make your phone ring off the hook with several voice mail start with ” When are you coming over”
    .-= jonathanfigaro´s last blog ..6 Mental Law You need to Know Part 1 =-.

  • Hi steve,
    Lovely article as usual.
    This reminds me of a post I wrote a few weeks back but in a different context. I guess taking notice of each other as often as we can and giving compliments where neccessary (in the case of women: a new hair style, new dress, dinner cooked…. )will come under attuned to feelings. As little as it may seem or sound I believe they strengthen bonds in a relationship.
    Nice one!!!
    .-= ayo´s last blog ..13 ways to stop making excuses =-.

    Also, balance between being the initiator and being the go-along one. I”m talking about social events, eating out, planning to paint the kitchen. I don’t want my husband to take control, but nor do I like having to do everything. We do not eat out, do a home improvement project, see a concert, go to the beach, go to a movie, without me suggesting it. I’d love to be wooed again, for my husband to treat me (not financially, but logistically).
    .-= Beth´s last blog ..Threadless Tshirt Giveaway at =-.

  • I enjoyed this post alot.!.!.! Good refresher. I would like to have the what qualities men look for in women version if someone could.

    Thank You,

  • Steven, I think you’re spot on. I’ll bet your wife feels like a lucky woman!

    I would add that it’s more than physical protectiveness that we crave. All the dimensions of protectiveness are lump-in-the-throat things when I experience them. That ‘you’re safe with me’ experience feels so good. One example I remember vividly was when a former partner’s family of origin was being a little pushy in their questions the first time they met me. He stepped in and took care of it. I felt so cared about. Another time I remember was walking along an edge of a ravine–he walked between me and the ravine because he knew I was afraid.


  • Aside from #2, I think these are qualities that apply well to both individuals in a relationship. They are so basic, but yet so important and so often overlooked which is a shame. It’s mostly the small things we do on a regular basis that either strengthen or weaken a relationship, and keeping these qualities in mind is a great way to encourage the former.

    Too many people take their relationships for granted and this post is a great reminder to not let that happen!
    .-= Vin – NaturalBias´s last blog ..Are You Poisoning Yourself to Avoid Body Odor? =-.

  • Cracking post this one, but oh so obvious, relationships are very complex things and so many people just seem to get it wrong over time, but does it not come back to one basic point, treat your partner how you would like to be treated, be the person that you would like your partner to be.

    Perhaps this is too simplistic, but it does make very good sense to me, perhaps you should ask my wife how I am doing !

  • This is great and I could not think of anything to add to this. Great insight. I loved when I saw humor there. Also the honesty thing. I see so many couples around me lying to each other and accepting it as a normal way of life, as if there partner were not capable of hearing the truth. When I really suspect that it is the “lier” who is afraid of him or herself. Telling the truth forces us to face ourselves.

    I find this list heartening, sensitive and absolutely key to a good relationship. Great job Steven.

    PS I think if we are unfaithful in any way we not only lose the respect of others but we lose self respect. It’s easy to be emotionally lazy, but it takes guts and courage to be emotionally strong, but it sure fosters self respect.
    .-= Robin Easton´s last blog ..Emotions: Portals to Soul =-.

    • Hi Robin, I didn’t really know if this post was going to be well received on this blog or not as it’s always difficult writing a post like this. You’re totally right about unfaithful men losing the respect of their partner and for themselves. Also, truth was a key factor in my wife’s decision to marry me, she said she had never met someone who was so honest without being brutal.
      .-= Steven Aitchison´s last blog ..Ask The Coach – Session 2 =-.

  • This is a very good post, I’ll tweet it! I think the most important thing, in short, is that we need to look up to our partner. Respect him, for the man that he is right now and the man he will become in the future and that pretty much involves all the things you described above. When a woman starts losing respect for her partner, when he is being disrespectful to her, not fulfilling his obligations, taking her for granted, not considering her feelings, not caring to keep commitments (even little ones)… we feel disappointed and that is when everything starts going down hill.
    Communication is very important, there is a great book: For Men Only by Shaunti Feldhahn and it gives a lot of insight on why women need all these things to feel happy and loved. Also, there is another book called: For Women Only for women to know how to love their men.
    That would be a nice next post, we WANT to know what qualities men look for in women… please!!

  • One other important quality women are looking for in their partner is the quality to provide. We live in a society when women are able to earn for themselves and no, we are not interested to be full time house-wife’s (most of us), but we like to know that the man of our life is able to provide. If we have kids, we like to be able to know that we don’t have to go back to work if we choose to stay with the kids. We like to know that the provision is there and we have a choice to go to work or not.

    • i known my partner for 15 year bout only be date for 9 years went we was just friends i saw more of him now we see each other one or two time a week

      • When people post serious comments on a serious topic such as this, you’d expect correct spelling and proper grammar, Norma. 😛 Sorry about this comment, this sort of thing just really annoys me.

        • Hey Kebab… Be sensitive!!! Norma is trying and how do you know if she maybe is not a native speaker?? Don’t be rude!
          We don’t care what annoys you!

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