Personal Development

Do You Put Yourself First In Your Thoughts?

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Editors Note: This is a guest post from Armen Shirvanian from

What your thinking involves is what your actions soon become.   How much of what you think about is based on not letting others down, or making sure you fit in with the group, or not going beyond a social boldness limit?   When you pick a book to read at the bookstore, is it based on your interest in the topic and author of the book, or is it based on wanting to tell others you read that specific book, because it is currently popular and will make you look more intelligent?

Satisfaction Comes From Satisfying Your Interests As Well

The amount of satisfaction you will get out of an action is proportional to how much of the action is based on your own interests.   You get negligible satisfaction, if any, from the responses of others.   Due to this, it is worth taking a minute to see who the last few thoughts you had were about.   It can be eye-opening to find out that a large portion of your cognitive time is wasted trying to please others, when in fact it doesn't even end up pleasing them.

put_yourself_firstYour Presence Is Relevant, Too

Where is the room for your own life and routine if 75% of your thoughts are about adjusting to what others have done, or limiting the loudness of your voice so you are not labeled as "overbearing", or pleasing others so that they are more lenient with you pursuing your actual interest?   If you are having a high proportion of these types of thoughts, think about how there are others who are much more focused on satisfying their own goals than pleasing others.   These more successful people are thinking about the action they want to take, regardless of others.

Reserve Your Thought Energy For Completion Of Your Goal Steps

Whereas you might get to step #2 of a decision-making process about purchasing a large bookshelf to place in your room, before giving up thinking it would bother your significant other or roommate, a power thinker will go through all the steps of looking at various bookshelves, checking prices, seeing which one would fit best and have the appropriate color, and would lastly confirm with the person who they were living with if it would be okay with them.   Focusing on your own interests in your thoughts takes you near the final steps, where you can then consider others and still be almost ready to implement.

There Are Some Things That You Are Best Suited For

Seeing as how there is only one person in your position, it doesn't even make sense to place worry and anxiety about others highly in your thoughts.   You are not responsible for the happiness of others, and not only that, it is not fair to your value as a person to be worried about theirs.   Go through these thinking steps at times:

  1. take note of your strengths
  2. realize that some others don't have the same strengths
  3. think about how others view the strengths you have as features they would want
  4. understand that the majority of your focus has to be on usage of your skills if you want to implement them
  5. use that knowledge to make use of the skills and advantageous thinking you possess while the opportunity is there

Self-Directed Individuals Are Wonderful To Be Around

A perfect example of the way you want to act just showed up as I was writing this.   A person I know who is very direct and self-oriented came in and checked his stock price on the office computer I am on.   He didn't worry about bothering me or looking bad or anything of that nature.   Due to his calmness and direct action, it makes me feel relaxed and more glad as well.   This is the type of person you want to emulate.   When your thoughts are about your own actions, as you would see them unfiltered by expectations you think others have of you, you act more smoothly, and others will appreciate that.   It makes others happy when you don't try to please them, because it doesn't put any pressure on them to respond in some polite or desired way.

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About the author

Armen Shirvanian

Armen Shirvanian writes words of wisdom about mindset, communication, relationships, and related topics at Timeless Information. You can follow him on Twitter at @Armen.