I think seeing a couple walking on the beach holding hands or snuggled up close to each other on a park bench is a beautiful thing. It's clear to see and feel the love between them, no matter how far away from them you are. The magnificence of it is powerful. Is there anything more beautiful? Actually, yes. There is. How about that woman sitting alone on a blanket on the rocks reading a book? Or that young man sitting in the cafÃ© people watching? Is that a smile he's wearing?
Yes. Single people enjoying some alone time is also a very beautiful thing. Especially when they are smiling and appear totally at peace and confident. That is a beautiful thing indeed. I used to wonder if these single people are lonely. How many of you think that sometimes? I am constantly trying to figure things out and perhaps I overanalyze but in my world, there is an answer to everything. So I dug deep a little and asked some of single friends some very personal questions to see if they are happy single or if they really are lonely. The results slightly surprised me.
The majority of my friends tell me the same thing. They would rather be alone then be in a relationship and be alone. They have experienced shitty relationships that have caused them to take note of their values, their morals, their boundaries and for some their self-worth. Many have had their faith tested time and time again. Faith in love, trust, honesty and friendship. One of my pals tells me one lady friend he had would question every female co-worker he worked with. It was exhausting to constantly have to prove to her that she was the only one for him. Alone, for him, is fantastic. And he's holding out for the right one.
Some of my friends tell me that being alone is just easier for them. There are no complications, no rules, no limitations, and no crazy sacrifices. They love the freedom of doing what they want, when they want and how they want. It's easier to date than commit. They quickly assure me they aren't commitmentphobe, it's just not their thing right now. They love being free.
Committed or not
Ironically enough, people claim they want a relationship but fail miserably at the commitment part of it. Once involved in a serious relationship they discover that in fact they aren't quite comfortable with committing. Some people take commitment too lightly and end up getting dumped. Commitment isn't for everyone and if you aren't ready to give up your single life, don't bother.
And then there are those that take commitment so seriously they end up smothering their partner. This only results in their partner packing their bags and heading for the door. Being in a committed relationship doesn't mean you must be chained to each other. Some people still don't get this and because of this, many are happy to stay single. The price of commitment is too high for them. Can you blame them? I wouldn't want to be kept in someone's back pocket either.
Are they happier?
So are they happier? For the most part, yes. They are definitely happier. Apparently a lesson in self- love usually follows a serious break up and as single people grow their love for themselves, they realize that being alone is actually quite nice. After too many painful months or years involved in a relationship that has gone sour, they are realizing that being alone isn't so bad after all. Many actually find they love hanging out alone or just with their other single friends. There are many things they prefer to do alone after so much time spent with someone arguing about silly things like:
- Grocery shopping
- How to do laundry
- Your parents are mean
- Stop throwing your stuff on the floor
- It's your turn to do dishes
- Who was that girl/guy you were talking
Yes there's this list and so much more. You eventually just get tired of it. There's no happiness in that. Single people are happy being accountable and responsible only to themselves. This suits them just fine. And the list changes to this:
- No more answering to anyone
- Not having to go to family dinners
- Road trips by yourself
- Keeping my cell phone on and not having to worry ab out it
- Sleeping in, staying up late, eating breakfast for dinner
It's the really simple things that single people en joy doing alone that makes them happier. The things that we sometimes take for granted when we are in a relationship.
All in all, my single friends claim they are much happier single and are never lonely. They like themselves and like chilling alone.