Valentine’s Day is one of those celebrations people either love or hate. The desperate singles or people who feel compelled to put up a show fall into the second category. Happily in love, in the first. But who can really force us into something we don’t want to do? And who can stop us from living every day as if it was Valentine’s Day? What if every single moment of our life could be a celebration of love?
No other person can give you the love you keep away from yourself
As I showered this morning, I thought that family is the place where we earn love, which is always unconditional, truthful, compassionate, and kind. Or at least we’re supposed to. “No matter what you do, I forgive you and love you,” my mom tells me often. That’s a mother’s job, right? Love her children unconditionally. Encourage them to show in the world as their authentic selves.
Yet, things aren’t always like that. Not because our parents don’t want to, but because they don’t know how. Most parents, while doing their best, show and teach their children, conditional love. Inevitably, they replicate and attract it in their relationships later in life.
“If you do this or that, if you are like this or that, I will love you (more),” is something that women and men alike think or say out loud to their life partners and to themselves as well.
If only I was taller, smarter, younger, quit smoking, lose weight I would love and accept myself.
We make resolutions to adopt a healthy lifestyle, go to the gym, follow our passion but somehow along the road, we fall back into our old habits only to feel worse. In the meantime, we keep looking for external approval and validation to sweeten the pill. Being in a romantic relationship continues to be one of the supreme forms of validation.
Being in a relationship is, in fact, one of the most excellent opportunities you are given during this lifetime to love yourself. Your partner will mirror back at you your deepest beliefs, fears, and wounds. They will do everything in their power to upset you, hurt you, drive you crazy, and push your buttons. Until you heal. Until you replace resentment and judgment with gratitude for the lesson. Until you stop taking things personally. Until you remember that no other person can give you the love you keep away from yourself.
The more you embrace your authentic YOU, the more love you feel in your heart.
But how could you behave differently? After all, we always seem to love someone for a reason. Beauty, brains, fame, wealth, generosity, pleasing other people.
What if this core belief of yours is a big fat lie? As Louise Hay used to say you are born on this planet, therefore, you are worthy of love. What if what your so-called flaws contain precious gifts? Maybe your inquisitive mind asking too many questions is up to a significant discovery that will advance humanity. What if you would let the mask you’re wearing fall off just for a second and show yourself, just as you are, naked, in front of the world?
I know, it sounds terrifying. From my experience with acting on stage, I can tell that stripping my soul naked in front of strangers scared me more than the idea of taking off my clothes. Of course, people would know that it was me I was talking about in the monologue, that the character wasn’t entirely fictional. What would say and think? But the real concern was how I would feel about my real feelings, emotions, desires, aspirations? How deep being honest with myself would hurt?
Once you take this plunge, there is no turning back. You can’t go back to lying to yourself. Or if you do, you feel miserable. You have no other option than living your truth and being authentic. The more you embrace your authentic YOU, the more love you feel in your heart. Until you remember that love is your true essence. You don’t need it from another person because it’s already within you. It’s always been there. That’s when love starts pouring into your life from you least expect it. Everyone and everything, life itself loves you. Even if you disagree sometimes, your beloved doesn’t push your buttons, puts you down, or drives you crazy anymore. On the contrary, they bring out the best in you and love you unconditionally.
When we remember that we are love we remember the essence of life. That’s the big secret that remodels every day into Valentine’s Day-a joyful celebration of love.