Relationships

The One Thing No One Tells You About Finding Your Life Partner

Written by Vishnu

There’s so much relationship advice out there about finding your life partner.

Do that. Do this. Say that. Say this.

Text him this. Call him then. Kiss him after…and on and on and on.

Don’t do this and don’t do that.

The litany of advice continues from the pages of Seventeen to Cosmo to Your Tango to every other relationship book out there.

You’re supposed to look a certain way, speak a certain way, act a certain way, text and call a certain way and do x, y and z in this timeframe to land the person of your dreams…except everyone forgets about the most important dating and relationship advice of all.

The most important relationship to cultivate before you land your life partner is the relationship you have with yourself!

Your partner cannot save you, heal you, complete you or make you whole. Your life partner cannot help you let go of the past, become emotionally stronger and bring you unending joy and happiness.

We spend so much time looking for and plotting how to land our ideal dream partner that we forget about the most important partnership in our life: the one with ourselves.

Forget about all the relationship advice you get. Forget about the ideal partnership that’s out there.

The only relationship that matters is the one you have with yourself. Get this relationship right and all the other relationships in your life will manifest themselves.

Get the insides right and the external parts will fall into place.

Here are 7 ways to improve your relationship with yourself.

Love yourself.

No one else can love you until you are in a full romance with yourself.

All the things you would do with and to a lover, do for yourself!

Romance yourself. Take yourself out. Speak sweetly to yourself. Think positive thoughts. Take yourself out. Spend quality time sleeping and resting.

Care for yourself like you would for someone you cared about.

Work on yourself.

This means working on the parts of yourself that require work.

Become the best version of yourself in a personal, spiritual, emotional and psychological capacity.

Get mentors, take classes, start spiritual practices and make constant improvement every day in the areas of your life you want to get better at.

Build new habits, work on new goals and make daily improvements in your life.

Heal yourself.

If there are emotions you must deal with or a past you must process, do the work.

Learn to sit with and work through difficult and challenging emotions. Look at the past with compassion so you can slowly release its heavy toll on you.

Healing is counseling, journaling, meditating or a variety of other practices that help you become emotionally and mentally stronger.

Choose yourself.

You don’t need someone to choose you. You don’t need someone to ask you or pick you or knight you! You don’t need someone to get down on one knee for you.

Society has created this false perception that you’re enough only if someone else chooses you.

Choose yourself. Love yourself. Treat yourself. Prioritize yourself. Put yourself first.

Live your own life doing the things that bring you passion and joy, without waiting for someone to pick you.

Create the life you want for yourself without waiting for a partner to choose you.

Appreciate yourself.

Instead of engaging in criticism and put downs, appreciate your good qualities.

Value yourself and see the many good qualities, achievements and traits you have developed over the years.

Each day, take time to appreciate yourself in a journal. Cultivate gratitude in all areas of your life but start with the qualities and achievements you appreciate within yourself.

Affirm yourself.

Let yourself know you’re good enough.

Practice daily affirmations or mantras affirming your self-worth and self-esteem.

Focus on your strengths and character.

Remind yourself that you’re worthy, acceptable and complete as you are.

Write down these affirmations, listen to audio affirmations and visualize affirmations of completeness.

Trust yourself.

You make so many decisions every day but you base some of these decisions on doubts, fear and uncertainty.

Trusting yourself is knowing that these gut feelings are wise, intuitive, spot-on hits.

Learn to check in with yourself when making decisions in life or about relationships.

Learn to trust your intuition, which can guide you to the right decision.

You always know the answer; your duty now is to trust the answers within.

Create time for yourself.

You must get off the proverbial hamster wheel.

You can’t live the life you want and do all the things I’ve mentioned if you have a too-busy-to-live life!

You need more time to love yourself, to care for yourself and even to find a relationship.

All this requires prioritizing what matters and eliminating what doesn’t.

Take time to actively reduce the commitments and let go of what is not serving your highest purpose.

The more time you have and the less time you spend being busy, the more available you’ll be for love.

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About the author

Vishnu

Vishnu Subramaniam is the writer behind the popular self-help blog www.vishnusvirtues.com where he writes about starting over in life. For Vishnu's latest book, Does True Love Exist: 15 Simple Ideas for Finding Your Life Partner, click here.