Relationships

How To Go From Lonely To Friendly

Written by Paul Sanders

In this article, I want to draw out for you what it takes to reach out of loneliness and shyness and get to meeting new friends. If you’re hesitant when it comes to making new friends, then this article is for you. Most of the time, we stay stuck in our social problems only because we don’t have the TOOLS that give us the social life we want.

Read on all the way to the last word if you want to break out of shyness and anxiety and meet new people.

lonely_to_friendlyEmbrace Your Social Self Once

Lonely people don’t realize how much they NEED people in their lives. I hope it’s not your case.

If you recognize your “social self”, you’ll meet the people that will make your life better. Your life will impact more people. And the friends you make make it easier for you to achieve your goals.

If you don’t recognize your social nature, the fact that you want more friends in your life, things will get worse. You’ll miss out on the friends that can ” make you happier. You’ll grow up having met only a few people that get you nowhere. Your life won’t have any impact in the world if you stay alone. And your goals will seem like huge mountains, if you keep walking all alone.

One of the best decisions you can make in your life : Proactively look for new friends and contacts.

Know How To Deal With Loneliness

If you feel lonely, please, don’t do like everyone else. Don’t misinterpret loneliness as a sign that you’re a loser. Or as a proof that you don’t belong with people.

In the ancient times, if you were lonely, you would inevitably die. Our bodies and physiology still link loneliness with danger and death. We still feel as if we’re really weird and everyone is out to get us if we’re lonely.

Add to that the fact that we live in a western society. We’re too used to labeling the lonely guy as “weird”.

If you’re lonely, here is exactly what to do : GET OUT AND MEET PEOPLE.

Yes. Even if you don’t feel like it. When you feel lonely, it’s a signal that you NEED TO GO AND MEET PEOPLE. Start with family and old friends. Get yourself moving and then get to meeting entirely new people. I’m sure there are people in your life that you could contact for a little socializing time.

When lonely, do NOT do what most people do. They distract themselves from loneliness with over-working, watching tv, movies, video games and books. Those things are fine, I do them too (except for tv and video games). But they should never be a short-term distraction from loneliness. Loneliness requires immediate action. GET SOCIAL.

Overcome Shyness and Social Anxiety

Social anxiety is interesting. It has no real reasons to exist in this world. It has no value.

It only keeps you from reaching all the happiness you can get by reaching out to people. One quick technique you can use is breathing. It’s the most basic technique that can work anywhere.

Anywhere you go, at any point. If you start to feel tense, stop and take a few deep breaths. This works because it makes your blood circulate better. And when enough blood goes to your brain, you’re able to function properly again.

If you shy away from some social situations, and you want to overcome that shyness. Here is something you can do. It’s an exercise. If you do it, it’s almost impossible to NOT reduce your shyness.

First, remember in your mind the situation that makes you shy. Now, imagine that situation happening in a theater and you’re watching yourself in there, from a the balcony. I’m serious, do it.

Imagine now a bigger, more confident, and bold version of you. Imagine him (or her) sitting next to you. Now imagine that COOL and DETERMINED version of you floating in the air… then integrating in the version you were looking at in the theater. Now, in the same situation you were looking at, you can see yourself relaxed, cool, confident and really pleasant to be around.

Now imagine yourself floating there and integrating in that confident version of you. Imagine yourself in the theater, having a good time and interacting with people.

This is one of the techniques that I used to allow myself to act less shy in a variety of social situations. I thought this technique to many friends and guys that needed help over the years. It always changed the situation and everyone is surprised at the instant change.

It’s a technique I borrowed from NLP.

You can find a similar exercise I shared in this article : How To Overcome Shyness.

Learn Important Conversation Techniques

Conversation is the blood vein of social connection, we all need to get better and better at it.

You need to learn to start conversations with people in the situations you will be in. For example, in a gym you can ask a guy : “Do you follow a fixed workout plan, or do you just come and decide what you’re gonna do?”, then say “I ask because I’ve found so many workout plans on the web, it’s just confusing.”

There are good chances that he will just explain to you what he does on the gym. Go from there to talking about “how long have you been in this gym” and “it’s a little hard to find the time and get motivated to workout”. If you can do that, you’ve just started a conversation with a stranger. Congrats, most people won’t dare the challenge. They prefer to have boring days instead. 🙂

You also need to know how to keep a conversation going. One basic technique is to watch for words inside a topic that link to other topics. For example, you can talk about workout plans… the other person says that they find it hard to stay motivated… you ask if it’s because he lives too far from the gym… they answer… then you start talking about the neighborhoods and the difference between where you live and where he lives. Motivation and distance were the link between workout plans and neighborhoods. I actually wrote an entire article on How To Keep A Conversation Going.

You also want to make people “like” talking to you. One way to do that is to prove that you’re not judging every word they say. One way to prove that is to focus on the positive sides of the topics people talk about.

For example : If someone says “Well I wanted to start a workout plan but I stop in mid-course and I never get to finish it”, instead of looking at them as they were an unmotivated loser, say something like this: “Well, at least you’re trying. I guess it’s better than staying home and giving up”. When you focus on the good sides, people feel comfortable around you. They feel like they can be who they really are around you. And therefor, want to hang out with you.

I wish you a lot of success in practicing these techniques. If you have any questions or comments, you can reach out to me at socialcirclepower.com.

About the author

Paul Sanders

Paul Sanders's Get The Friends You Want teaches you how to:
Overcome Shyness & Loneliness ; Master Conversation & Social Skills ; Make Friends & Build a Social Circle.
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