How to get your life back on track when your ex is winning at life

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Your ex is living the good life.

He is living the life of love and luxury.

He's living the life of love and marriage.

You overheard there's a kid now in the picture now. @$()*$(*)!$*!

You were supposed to be in those wedding albums and annual Christmas photos but now are seriously wondering what is the point to life.

You're no Adele and not planning on writing an album on your life spiraling down the drain after your breakup.

How do you let go and find healing when your ex has moved on?

His life seems to have accelerated while your life seems to have hit s stand-still. The further she goes up, the farther you go down.

All right, some tough talk here to help you get out of victim mode, country song and life crisis.

Whatever the hell your ex is doing or accomplishing, here's what you need to do with your life.

Here are 7 non-tragic, non-destructive, non-self-sabotaging ways to get your life back on track.

Forgive them and let go of the resentments.

You don't want to hear it and can't possibly imagine it but the only thing left to do is forgive.

No matter what they did to you, your healing starts when you forgive. Letting go starts when you forgive.

You're not forgiving for them. You're forgiving for you.

When you hold onto resentment and anger, you're burning up like a pressure cooker about to explode at your ex, your neighbor or the next man who asks you for directions.

Set an intention to forgive. Forgive first even if you don't feel like it.

Say out loud or write down that you forgive them and why you're forgiving them even if they don't deserve forgiveness.

For God's sakes, don't send them the letter telling them you're forgiving them for their crimes against humanity and your heart.

Celebrate what you had and let the past be what it was.

You can look back fondly of the past and be grateful for it without having to live in that place forever.

You are thankful for the good times, appreciative of how your ex positively influenced your life and happy for the memories.

Yet, reminder, people "“ just because the past was good doesn't mean you have to live in the past.

The best time in your life was in college, maybe, but that doesn't mean you're enrolling in English 101 and moving into the dorms again.

Let the memories stand but forward your life to the present.

What's waiting for you today? How are you going to create a new life for yourself, post ex?

Remind yourself of the highs and the lows.

All right, you're recalling the sweet and romantic moments of the yesteryear but not all the hell you went through.

You have to put your old life and relationship in perspective.

You had many wonderful memories and sweet times together but you also just about killed each other.

You gotta remember that with every kiss and flower there was likely screaming and passive aggressive battle royales.

You can't just hold onto the good stuff without reminding yourself that the relationship didn't work.

You needed to let go of it, get out of it and move on with your life.

It never was what you now make it out to be in your mind. Time to move on!

Embrace impermanency and change.

The only thing your ex is doing that you're not presently is accepting what is and making the best of it.

You may feel that turning your life around or going after a new life for yourself means betraying your ex and your past. It doesn't.

Embrace the impermanency of life. If you've not learned anything, hopefully you've realized that life changes.

You likely hate change more than you hate online ads on Youtube videos but like Youtube ads, change is going to happen one way or the other. Unless, YouTube Red"¦never mind.

If you want the good stuff, you have to watch 18 seconds of Tai Lopez before you get to that Ted talk.

Youtube ads end so you can be empowered, inspired and laugh.

Relationships end so you can start over, meet someone new and get better at being in one.

Don't run away from what's waiting for you simply because change put you through the roller coaster of life. Welcome in change and adventure. Welcome in dating and love.

Discover who you are and what's important to you.

Do you really want a family, kids and a house with a picket fence?

You might but you might not.

Examine your life and figure out what it is that you do want. No, not what everyone else wants and what people have been telling you that you should want your entire life.

You get to start over and you get to decide what makes you happy and fulfilled.

Drop the walls, the chip on your shoulder, the fears and the doubts.

Your relationship falling apart has cleared the way for you to discover who you are at your essence.

Who are you really? What matters to you most?

Create the space and time to answer these questions so you start living more intentionally.

Keep the haters at bay.

And by this, I mean your parents. Your grandparents. (Indian people = every single person you know.)

Your family and inner circle may have a tougher time with your breakup or divorce than you.

They may constantly be telling you about your ex and his many accomplishments in life.

They may be telling you about your ex's nuptials and the new home he bought.

Anyone who makes you feel bad or wants to up the rampant pressure, in your life, should be kept at bay.

If you live at home, move out.

If you live next to your entire extended family, move neighborhoods.

If your phone blows up daily with nosy or negative family, give up your phone! Or more practically, find a way to hide their texts. Respond only in cases of fire or floods.

Socialize but don't pressurize.

If you want love again, get back out to socialize.

Get out of your house and get away from your crew of heart-broken, bitter, and cynical people.

If your inner circle believes men are evil and will destroy lives and break hearts, it's going to be hard to meet new people.

Leave your inner circle and get out to positive, healthy and friendly spaces, whatever that means to you.

Go with the intention of socializing or meeting people without the intention of having to meet, "the one" or having to marry, "the one" in the next six months.

You don't have to follow your ex's footsteps in this journey.

Get clear on who you are, what you want and go at your own pace.

You don't have to let your ex or your past relationship paralyze you.

Just do you minus the head chatter, critical thoughts and sabotaging beliefs about relationships and life.

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About the author


Vishnu Subramaniam is the writer behind the popular self-help blog where he writes about starting over in life. For Vishnu's latest book, Does True Love Exist: 15 Simple Ideas for Finding Your Life Partner, click here.