It’s not easy to get in a talkative mood “on demand”. When you’re in that social state, you can talk, joke around, be friendly, and maybe even charming. But when you’re “in your head”, it seems that there is no way out.
Wouldn’t it be great if you had an on/off switch that instantly gets you in a talkative mood? I would have loved to have one: think about it… you can be in your head and think as deeply as you want, and when it’s time to socialize, you’d just push a button, get out of your head and start talking to people and having fun.
Sadly enough, there is no such button.
But to get close to that, we can help our minds get in a talkative mode. And we need to be able to do it quickly. It’s not just about finding what to say, It’s about getting “in the zone” to socialize.
When you’re in the mood to talk, you don’t even have to think about it or make an effort. Making conversation becomes naturally fun.
Having things to talk about is not enough if you’re not in an emotional state that allows you to put enthusiasm and maybe even passion in your conversations. This is why it’s better to learn to go beyond just keeping the conversation going.
How to Get in a Talkative Mood
Here are a couple of techniques that will get you in a state where conversation comes naturally to you, even if you spent your whole day working by yourself:
Shift Your Focus Outside: As you know, being in your head and talking to yourself or visualizing is a big part of the problem. Now, if you’re paying attention to your surroundings, it’s much easier to be in a talkative mood.
A great way to snap outside of your mind is to ask yourself questions that will direct your attention there. You can use something like: “What’s interesting here?” or “What do I find interesting in this place?”
This gets your mind to focus on external, tangible things, instead of conceptual and internal ideas. And with a focus on “real life stuff”, you’re much more ready to interact and have a good time in the company of others.
Get Curious About People: This is a little similar, but it takes things to the next level. Not only will you be focusing outside yourself, but you’re going to focus on other people. Which gives you a certain kind of curiosity and a desire to go talk to them.
For example, let’s say you’re about to meet someone called Jack. Before you do, ask yourself questions like: “How was Jack’s Week?”, “How does Jack feel right now?”, “What does Jack feel like doing?”, “What does Jack want to talk about right now?”, “What does he think about?”, “Has Jack met any cute girls lately?”, etc.
This technique works very well if you don’t feel like being social, it gives you many ideas of things you can talk about, and it also gets the other person to open up, as they can sense that you’re curious and open. Emotions are contagious, and this gets others ready to talk to you, as well.
Give Your Mind a Break: This is a fun one. And popular people use it often. It’s fun because it consists of you acting and talking as if you’re a little less intelligent. Very counter-intuitive, but super effective.
Most people think that they need to show their intelligent, more sophisticated side, to impress others. When, in fact, the way to go is to dumb-down your conversation style to make everyone relax and open up.
The way to do this is to talk as if you’re not sure of a lot of things. Doubt your opinions a little and ask people stuff like “this is how I see things; I’m not really sure, what do you think?” You’ll be amazed how much of a conversational mood this creates around you.
It creates a social space where everyone can talk freely and nothing is taken too seriously, witch is a great for making new friends.
You also do stuff like make less effort to understand things. This makes people talk in simpler language. Simple language DOES encourage conversation. It does because anyone can relate to it, so it makes YOU and everyone around you more talkative.
When you “give your mind a break” and dumb-down your conversation, you force yourself to talk like any regular person. A regular person talks about facts, news, simple stuff that anyone can understand. This is not the time to try to appear smart or have an intelligent debate, relax and use only a part of your mental capacity and you’ll be a happy conversationalist.
If you’re eager to learn more techniques for meeting people, having great conversations, staying in touch, and making friends, then I recommend that you sign up for my Free Social Skills Newsletter.
In it, I’ll share with you precise steps you can take to get the friends you want.
See you there,