Help! My Relationship is Stale, Fizzled Out, Boring, and Dead!

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If you're anything like me, you totally enjoy sharing life with that special someone who makes your knees wobble and butterflies dance in your tummy. Falling in love, having adventures, partnering, and growing together is super duper amazing. I have learned though, that the spark in a relationship can easily get dull after a certain amount of time. For some, things begin to fizzle out in a year and for others it may be two or three years. It is disheartening that this happens so frequently, but it does not have to be that way.

Relationships take effort and consideration. Too often men and women will "woo" each other in the beginning with romantic date nights, little gifts and tokens of appreciation, passionate kisses and meaningful intimacy, affirmations, etc., but after a while these things happen less and less. Life gets busy, kids come along and take up lots of time and energy, annoying habits are noticed, and so on.

Icouple kisses and is shut by the hands always wonder how some people simply lack affectionate skills. It does not take a genius to figure out that both men and women like romance, receiving thoughtful tokens of appreciation, hearing positive affirmations, or just plain being spoiled sometimes. Many women will complain that their men don't even try to be romantic for one reason or another and I'm here to challenge them. I'm here to challenge both men and women to take some action to put the spark back into your relationship.

You Take The Initiative


Maybe you do your part but your partner is slack, so you've given up. Maybe you've been super thoughtful and romantic and are disappointed that your partner has not. I want to encourage you to do two things. One, let it go. If you don't, you will carry resentment. Two, sit down and have a talk with your partner. Tell him or her how you are feeling about this issue. Spell it out plainly that once in a while you would like some TLC like you used to get in the beginning of your relationship.

Be specific. If you would like a date night once a week or every two weeks, say it. If you would like flowers once in a while, a back massage, a ticket to the opera, affirmations more often, or a romantic getaway occasionally, say it. Much of the time we don't let our partners know what we want or what our needs are and then we begin to carry resentment.

Pick Up The Slack


If you're in a relationship and you have been slack in this area, then it is time for you to pick up the slack. I don't care what's been going on in your life, how many struggles are occurring, or how much you really don't care about being romantic- do it anyway.

It takes two people giving and receiving in a relationship to make it work. I am not talking about superficial giving here. I am asking men and women to dig deep and out of love think about ways to bless their partner. It doesn't even have to cost money. There are ways to show love and appreciation that don't cost one penny.

Ideas To Rekindle The Flame


Here are some ideas for both men and women to begin romancing each other. Remember that you don't have to go overkill here. Just make it a conscious habit to incorporate some romance into your relationship on a daily or weekly basis. You'd be surprised how one passionate kiss can rekindle the fire, as opposed to kissing your mate like Grandma Ruth.

  • Incorporate date nights into your life. If you have children, get a babysitter and go out. Your relationship is worth it.
  • Occasionally buy flowers or a plant for your partner.
  • Massage your partner. Yes. I mean it.
  • Get your partner a massage gift certificate.
  • Randomly do the chores that your partner normally does.
  • Slide your partner some cash so they can go shopping. Women, that means you too!
  • Write your partner a love letter or poem. It can be serious or silly.
  • Chocolates are a must once in a while!
  • Write a song and perform it for your partner.
  • Plan a romantic getaway for a weekend.
  • Cook a nice dinner and eat by candle light.
  • There are always sex toys to add some spice to the bedroom.
  • If you have children, take them out of the house sometimes for a few hours so your partner can soak up peace and quiet.
  • Turn off the television one night and just hold your partner and reminisce about how you met and things you have done.
  • Do something that you would not normally do with your partner. If she likes to go walking after dinner, but you really don't, do it anyway just for her!
  • Create a memory scrapbook of your relationship and give it to your partner.
  • Slightly caress your partner from head to toe once a week.
  • Simply say, "I love you" all the time.
  • Kiss your partner passionately MORE often than you do now.
  • Surprise your partner with a picnic lunch at a local park.
  • Buy the book, "The Five Languages of Love" and read it and discuss your love languages.
  • Buy sexy lingerie and actually wear it.


You can add some spark to your relationship if you really want to. It does not take much time or effort. It just takes willingness.

Begin today and let me know what you are planning first!

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About the author

Dominica Applegate

Dominica Applegate is dedicated to the art of self-discovery, creative expression, and raw truth. She loves words like epic and hardcore and needs a bit of chocolate each day. A sought-after author + speaker + coach, her work is ultimately about helping people remove blocks that keep them sad, fearful, lazy, and stuck. Author of Recycle Your Pain: It Has a Purpose, Conquer Codependency, and To You, Weary One, she'd love to meet you. Learn more at