Relationships

Balancing children’s needs vs spouse’s needs for New Moms

Rachel Pace
Written by Rachel Pace

Balancing motherhood and marriage is no easy task. It can feel easy, natural even, to get so swept up in the pleasures and routine of being a mother that your romantic relationship takes a back seat. Motherhood is in your blood, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be giving your husband your undivided attention as well. The balancing act may make you feel like stretch Armstrong, and for good reason! Who deserves your attention more, your kids or your mate? Here are the top tips for balancing children’s needs vs spouse’s needs.

Why it becomes Difficult

In the early years of your relationship, you likely thought that your relationship encompassed the most heart-thumping, soul-filling love you could ever imagine. And then the baby came. Motherhood fills women with an unmistakable sense of purpose. The way you feel about your child creates a whole new level of love that you never dreamed could be real, like riding an escalator up to a floor in your heart you never knew existed.

With this new, inflated sense of love and purpose, mixed with the newfound frustration and exhaustion motherhood has left you in a constant state of, you may find that balancing children’s needs vs spouse’s needs is more difficult than you once thought.

Finding a Balance

You can’t devote your entire being to your husband and still expect your child to be cared for and secure, just as you can’t spend every waking moment with your children and expect your husband to feel loved and appreciated. There needs to be a balance.

New moms become like a lioness. Sometimes it feels as though your soul purpose in life is to give the best to your cubs; protecting them and spoiling them with the best that life has to offer. But, back in the day, you used to feel this way about your husband. Don’t believe for a second that in order to be a good mom you have to let his needs fall to the wayside.

There is a tricky balance that needs to be created once children enter your marriage. You need to give enough time to your husband to maintain your romantic relationship and still feel butterflies, love, and to have fun together. At the same time, you need to make sure your children are well-cared for, all while giving yourself a shred of alone time so that you don’t go absolutely insane. Don’t worry, it can be done! You just have to make the time.

Communicate with your Partner

As a mom, you can get so caught up in making sure the little ones are fed, clothed, washed, and thoroughly showered in love that you sometimes forget to take care of your man – and sometimes yourself!

He may love that you spend all your time doting on your little one’s or he may feel left out or jealous when things are really hectic at home. Learn to communicate with your husband about spending time together. If you’re stressed out and caring for your children, your husband may not want to add another thing to “take care of” to your list, but it is vital that he speaks up. Encourage him to voice himself and use certain phrases as cues to let you know that he needs your attention.

Create a schedule

If you have a plethora of little ones running around, and let’s face, sometimes one child can feel like a plethora on a hectic day, it’s imperative that you create a schedule. Do this not only for yourself, but for your little one. This means getting your child up at the same time every day, having a proper feeding and nap time schedule, and putting them to bed at the same time every night. Soon enough this schedule will become part of their routine. Once they are accustomed to it you will be able to use nap, play, and bed time as free time you can devote to spending time with your husband as a couple.

A schedule also works wonders for you. Plan your week’s meals and activities so that you are focused and know exactly what is expected of you for the week. Make sure you leave enough free time for a date night and time for yourself.

Maintain a Social Life

One way you can balance your spouse’s needs is by maintaining a social life. Of course, having a private date night together to be an ooey-gooey romantic couple is important, but so is maintaining your friendships. This can mean heading out with other couples for activities or dinners, or spending time apart with friends to pursue your own hobbies and interests. When fulfilled, these needs of your spouse will make him feel happy and reinvigorated.

Have Fun Together as a Family

Don’t get so wrapped up in snuggling your kids that you forget your hubby is part of the equation too. Balance your children’s needs vs spouse’s needs by including the whole family in your activities. Make a date night of going to the winter carnival and bring the kids along. They can go skating or build snowmen while you and your spouse share a hot chocolate and whisper sweet nothings to one another.

Going to the zoo, amusement park, on a picnic, hike, or to the beach are also great family activities that get you out of the house and give you a break from your regular routine. This will make these outings feel even more special.

Get Away Together

One way you can balance your spouse’s needs is by making sure you still get to do some of the things you used to do before you had kids, like traveling! Once a year, make it your goal to get away together. Go see a sight you have always dreamt about visiting, such as their Eiffel Tower or the Grand Canyon. You don’t have to be gone for weeks at a time, you just have to go on an adventure together. Similarly, involving your children in your adventures also strengthens your family bond. Plan a small getaway such as a weekend camping or seeing one of the local wonders with your little ones so they always feel included in fun travel activities.

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About the author

Rachel Pace

Rachel Pace

Rachel Pace is a relationship expert with years of experience in training and helping couples. She has helped countless individuals and organizations around the world, offering effective and efficient solutions for healthy and successful relationships. Her mission is to provide inspiration, support and empowerment to everyone on their journey to a great marriage. She is a featured writer for Marriage.com, a reliable resource to support healthy happy marriages.