Attracting the wrong partners over and over? Here's what to do.

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You might be attracting the wrong people into your life.

Are you asking yourself a reasonable question? "What is it with these people?

Why are they so wrong for me and why does the same kind of person keep showing up?"

bored_partnerIf you're attracting characters who won't stay long, commitment-phobes or insensitive jerks, you have to ask yourself what's going on.

The types of people you're attracting in to your life (if the same ones) might have little to do with them and more to do with you. It's time to stop for a second and see what's going on.

How do you break the pattern of attracting terrible partners?

Here's 5 tips to stop dating the wrong people.

Look for patterns.

Check in with yourself to see if you can notice the patterns in the people you're dating. What does each person have in common with the other? What characteristics or physical attributes do they share? What personality traits? What common quality do all these people have?

Look for common factors in your attraction to the people you're dating. Acknowledge the patterns and become aware of them in the potential partners you meet.

Look for triggers.

Think about the common characteristics or life stories the people you date share.

Whatever the trigger point, start becoming more aware of this trigger point when you meet someone. Ask them specifically about their past, their upbringing or triggers that you notice.

Look for similar character traits from previous partners who hurt you or treated you poorly.

Be aware and actively look for trigger points that are signs of bad things to come. They're always there, but you might be choosing to ignore them for the sake of finding love.

Consciously make a shift.

Honor yourself by weeding out this group of people from your life. Promise yourself to pass on these characters no matter how good they may initially seem to you, no matter how good looking, charming or outgoing they might be.

Instead of focusing what it is you don't want, visualize an image of a person you do want.

Be more aware of the qualities and characteristics you're looking for and look out for those characteristics instead.

Be more aware and more intentional.

Don't let attention or flirtation hypnotize you to the point that you can't say "no."

Now that you're aware of who's right for you and who's not, be on the lookout for the right kind of lover.

Don't go with the flow. Don't meet and date on auto-pilot or cruise-control.

Allow your intuition to lead and this time, listen to it. If you're not feeling good about the person or his behaviors, get out quick. You've been down this path before and it has never worked out well.

Practice saying "no."

Saying "no" is hard, especially when you want a partner in your life, but if you get more intentional and conscious in your relationships, this will be easier to do.

Why should you say "no" often to the people who are not a fit for you?

One, you'll weed out the bad apples, thus avoiding repeated frustration and heartbreak. You'll break the pattern of jerks and losers who hurt you.

Two, you'll keep your life clear to meet the right person for you. If you've filled your life with deadbeats and are preoccupied with the ho-hum, you won't allow that ideal partner to come into your life.

Practice saying "no" with discipline and confidence.   Be aware that each "no" to the wrong person will bring you closer to the right one!

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About the author


Vishnu Subramaniam is the writer behind the popular self-help blog where he writes about starting over in life. For Vishnu's latest book, Does True Love Exist: 15 Simple Ideas for Finding Your Life Partner, click here.