Yes, children are bullies, we all know that already. Yes adults are bullies too, but we're talking about kids for now. What you might not know is that children are indirectly bullying their parents and as parents we don't see it as bullying because, well, we love them, right? Why would we think our children are bullying us? They are just acting up. How many time s have you heard your friend make excuses for little Johnny's behaviour. "Oh he's had a bad day" or "Emily is just a little tired right now and she gets this way when that happens". Maybe Johnny did have a bad day and Emily might very well be tired but what about the rest of the parents who use these excuses when such is not the case, and they know it. We all know little Johnny is simply a spoiled rotten little brat who has total control over his parents. Yes, Johnny is a bully. Sure Emily is tired. We also know she pulls these little tantrums all the time because she hears you making this excuse for her all the time. She's smarter than you think.
Yes our children are very smart. Never underestimate the intelligence of a 5 year old. Remember, they learn everything they know from you. If you think giving in to their endless temper tantrums is going to make things better, then they know that too. The result of that game? They win.
Are you being bullied by your child? Here are a few bullying types for you to read about so you can decide for yourself.
The guilt player.
You have just gone through either a bad day or a tumultuous situation and you feel you've neglected your child or you simply don't have time to spend with them. With this, you feel guilty and are prepared to do whatever it takes to please your child, no matter what it takes. Guess what? They know this and they will play on this, very manipulatively I might add. They heard you on the phone with your friend , they know you feel bad, they know when the wallet is going to come out and they can have whatever they want. They play on this guilt trip for as long as they can or for as long as you allow it. Remember you started it. They're just playing the game and t hey play it very well.
Give in and cut it out.
They know if they scream and cry loud and long enough you will eventually have enough and do whatever it takes to make them stop crying and behave, especially when you are in public. They know it's embarrassing you. They know you are getting upset and losing your patience but they also know if they keep at it long enough, you will eventually give in. You always do. You haven't failed yet. This is complete control. The only reason why your child has it is because you gave it to them a long time ago and they've had it ever since. You haven't taken it back yet. Don't wait too long, as they get older t he control gets worse.
Mom/dad will fix it.
Yup, no matter what the problem or what the damage, mom and dad will come to the rescue and make everything ok again. These kids never have to take responsibility for their actions because you take it for them. They can commit the worst thing ever but act like nothing happened because in their mind, nothing did happen. To them that is. Why? Because you're going to cover their butt yet again. You couldn't stand to see your child get punished or blamed for anything ever. You'll gladly take the hit for them. They think that's great. They have you wrapped around their finger. Like a puppet on a string. I do bad, mommy fixes, snicker snicker. Get it?
The examples listed above may sound like something you are used to but have never thought anything of. It happens all the time, no harm done. Emily cries, I fix. Johnny acts up, I'll take care of it. It's just easier that way, right? Well it may be easier in the beginning but as your child gets older, it won't be so easy anymore. The demands will be greater, settling everything down will be harder and tiring. It's imperative to get a grip on this soon. Your child needs to learn to take responsibility for their actions and they also need to learn that life isn't perfect and they can't always have things handed to them. What will it be like for them when it's time to get out in the real world? Remember that.