(In this article, the dependent person could be either you or your partner)
At one time, years ago, co dependency referred to an addiction or dependency on alcohol or drugs. A need to be completed intoxicated or high to be able to either deal with the world or block it out. It’s not that cut and dry anymore. Co dependency now often refers to people. To be dependent on someone means to give up all control and to no longer have self sufficiency. It is giving up who we are and what we are to someone else giving them complete control over our lives, quite often without them even being aware this is happening.
Many people who are co dependent are this way simply because having to deal with life and make decisions is just too stressful and they lack trust and confidence in them selves to do this, so they offer up all control to others. It’s extremely unhealthy but they know no other way. Are you in a codependent relationship? Do you or your partner have any of these warning signs?
1. Cancel plans.
If you did make plans to do something, you are quick to cancel them to accommodate your partners, without question. You are positive that what ever plans your partner made are much more important than yours. You never want to upset the apple cart so you go along with everything, all the time.
2. You agree to everything.
You never talk back or argue. Whatever they say they want or want to do, you immediately just say yes and don’t ever think once about saying no. No is not even an option. This doesn’t necessarily make you completely ecstatic and you long for a different life but for now, it’s their way.
3. Good mood bad mood.
Whatever mood your partner is in, so are you. If they are happy so are you, if they are angry, so are you but also if they are angry you try to do what you can to make them happy often, offering up your self respect in order to achieve this. Th e mood of the room is dictated by your partner and respect is commanded. This is how it’s going to be for the day.
4. You are desperately sad all the time.
You smile on the outside but cry on the inside all day everyday. You know what you are doing is wrong but you feel helpless and hopeless. You don’t tell anyone how you feel and never get it dealt with. You know you are living your life, or dependent on what your life is going to be life, according to them. It’s not your life anymore and you feel beaten down and defeated.
5. You want to leave but can’t.
You know it’s the best thing to do but you don’t have the strength or courage to do it and you don’t want to upset your partner. Not only that, you don’t trust yourself enough to make that decision and be confident in your decision. Where would you go where would you stay but above all else, how will you live without them? You need them, after all.
6. You are in a constant state of anxiety.
This feeling stems from the fact that you have no control over anything ever and you never know what’s going to happen at any given moment of the day. You don’t know what your partner’s mood of the day is going to be hence you are unsure what your mood is going to be. Your whole existence depends on them which is a very scary place to be.
7. You’ve become a bit of a loner.
You rarely see your friends or even your family anymore. When you guys go out it’s with their friends and to see their family, not yours, because you are doing what they want to do, not what you want. Because of this, the life you once knew is non-existent. You don’t even call any of your friends or family anymore because you can’t bare their questions about your life anymore.
Being in a relationship like this can be very exhausting emotionally and mentally and sometimes even physically as stress affects us this way. It may not be easy to get out of a relationship like this but it’s not impossible either.