Have you been searching high and low for the "one"?
You know the one, that guy or girl you've been waiting for to spend the rest of your life with. The one that was to romance you, buy you flowers, and treat you like royalty!
If you've had trouble finding that one person who you can spend the rest of your life with, let me share a few insights with you about what it's going to take.
I speak to you with ample experience after heartbreak, separation and divorce. You could call me the expert on what didn't work and how not to find the "one". But the good news for you is that through failure, there are insights and knowledge.
When things don't work out, you become wiser and smarter.
You also realize what you did wrong and how to improve.
Before I offer a few suggestions on how to become the person you can envision yourself marrying, let me say here's the secret to it all "“ it's not about finding that ideal Prince Charming who will listen to you, love you and lavish you with sweet nothings.
The secret to finding your prince (or princess) is to become that wonderful person you're looking for. It's to build up those qualities, character traits and habits that you're looking for in someone else.
Yes, like attracts like.
Who you are will attract the kind of person you want.
So, instead of focusing on your dating profile, updating your Match dot com account and going out on random blind dates, start with these 6 tips.
Here are 6 ways to become the kind of person you'd want to spend the rest of your life with.
1) Shut up.
You know what's the most endearing quality in another person?
What you would want more than anything else?
Someone who listens. Really and truly listens, without countering, challenging or opposing what you say.
Become the kind of listener you'd want to meet in your life.
Listen intently. Listen to understand other people. Listen with your heart.
Listen like listening is an act of love.
Listen so you fully hear and understand what is in the other person's heart.
2) Speak up.
I know the last point was shut up and this seems contradictory but it's not.
Don't speak up when you're listening.
When you're listening, just listen.
But do speak up when you want to communicate what's in your heart.
Share your feelings and let others know how you're doing.
When I mean speak up, I mean communicate how you really feel. Tell others what you like and what you don't instead of bottling it up.
Become the kind of communicator you'd want to meet in your life.
Stop hiding your feelings, emotions and desires.
3) Show up.
Don't show up half-heartedly for other people.
Show up with an open heart and with your full presence.
It doesn't matter if it's with someone you love, a co-worker or family member.
Show up with your full presence.
Get off the iPhone and interact with the people in front of you.
Find out how they're doing, what they need and how you can be of help.
The greatest gift you can give someone is your complete and undivided attention.
Being fully present will help others feel heard, loved and cared for.
Call them up out of the blue and see how they're doing.
Go and visit family you don't see very often.
Plan an activity that you know the other person will enjoy doing.
4) Give up.
Give up on living in the past. Whatever happened has happened, if you continue to marinate in the past, you'll be missing out on what today has to offer.
Whenever your thoughts or memories take you back to the past, catch yourself and bring yourself back to today. Catch your mind from floating to a day that no longer exists.
Instead, focus on the moment at hand. Keep bringing your attention to the only day you have: today. Focus on the tasks and activities in front of you.
Also, give up on who you were in the past. You can give up on your bad habits, your self-sabotaging behavior and your negative attitude.
You can give up the person you were and start new again today. You can become a more positive, loving and kind person.
Your past does not equal the future. Taking action daily and self-improvement habits can help you become the kind of person you would be proud to be.
5) Stand up.
Stand up for your dreams and life goals.
Have a vision for your life and go after it.
Set goals for yourself and make them come true.
Be the kind of person who is willing to go after a bigger life for themselves.
Use the power of visualization to have big dreams, then find the courage to go after them and turn them into a reality.
Stand up for your dreams and live the kind of life you want.
Have a daily plan that moves you towards your goals. Hold yourself accountable to how much progress you're making towards it.
6) Let up.
Work on letting go and letting up on minor annoyances and irritations.
When people hurt you, find a way to forgive them.
When you do something wrong, forgive yourself and ask for forgiveness.
Life's too to hold onto grudges and past hurts.
Let go of the small things in life. Believe that everything happens for the best and don't misconstrue other people's intentions.
People may try to hurt you without knowing, don't hold a grudge against them. Seek compassion and a way to forgive the wrongdoing.
Let small hurts and offenses go.
Remember that book, Don't Sweat the Small Stuff; and it's all small stuff?
Anything is as small or big as your perspective makes it.
Learn to put people and circumstances in perspective so you'll live with more peace and happiness.
You get the idea now, you have the power to become a magnetic, caring and happier version of yourself.
And once you do, that dream lover will show up out of thin air.
Spend more time on working on your internal state and becoming the person of your dreams, your partner will soon follow.
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