It's not easy. We recognize what is happening. We know we are being controlled. Our friends have been telling us for years now. They wonder when we are going to break free. They just want us to be happy. So do we. Really we do. The grip is so tight though. How do we break free?
When you realize that you are in the clutches of a controlling person, the thought of leaving is very scary. You love this person. Maybe even very much, but this relationship is not healthy, at all, and it's time to move on. Here are 5 tips to maybe help you a little bit if you've been thinking about this and are ready to take action. Of course, if there is any fear or risk of physical abuse, seek help immediately.
1. Is there danger in leaving?
Have a look at the situation as a whole. Your partner is controlling but is it safe to leave? Do you feel your partner recognizes the fact that the relationship is coming to an end and might be agreeable? If you feel this might not be a mutual agreement, have a friend stay with you while you make your plans to leave.
2. Call your friends.
Just in case you do feel unsafe, make sure you have a good plan in place so that you have reliable friends you can count on to keep you safe and/or make sure they will stand by you and protect you. Doing this alone is not going to be wise if you feel unsafe. Your friends are there to help and would be very disappointed if something happened t o you because you didn't reach out to them for help. That's what they are there for.
3. What's your plan?
You've been thinking of leaving for a while now but you've been controlled for so long now you aren't really sure what your next step would or should be. Try to formulate a plan. Where will you live, where will you work, do you want to or have to stay in the same city? What does your heart and head tell you to do? You need to st art thinking a bit about your future if you are leaving a very long term relationship where your whole life has been controlled. There will be lots of decisions to make.
4. Prepare for therapy (for lack of better words, though some people who leave cont rolling relationships do immediately seek therapy).
You will want someone to talk to, whether it be professional or just your best friend that has stuck by your side through thick and thin. Many people who leave controlling relationships need to learn how to behave and accept themselves in every day life. Find someone you trust who can help you with that.
5. Remember why.
Why are you doing this. Why are you leaving. Why do you have to leave? Your why is going to be really big. Don't put it on the back burner. Keep your why right in front of you so you can see it all the time and know without a doubt why you are doing this. If you don't, chances are you will look past their controlling behaviour and justify it in your head some way to make it easier on you.
Leaving or breaking free is not going to be easy but it will have to happen in order for you to move on and live a life you deserve. People with controlling behaviours don't always recognize this in themselves and if you try to show it to them, they will deny it and call you out as a crazy person. Don't let them do that. It's time to go. Break free. You owe it to yourself. Remember, call for help if you have to.