Being in a relationship is beautiful. It’s even more so when you have the best partner. One that compliments you, not complicates you. But it’s not always easy and it definitely isn’t always rainbows and roses. Happy and seemingly perfect couples have their fair share of arguments and disagreements. The ones that make it are the ones that follow these simple steps to get through all the little curve balls life throws at them.
There are two sides to everything. Your side and your partner’s side. You think you are right, he thinks he is right and in the end it may very well be you are both right. It doesn’t matter who’s right and wrong, what matters is that you take the time to sit and listen to each other’s side very carefully and discuss it. Hear what your partner has to say on the issue. Find out where he is coming from. Is he bringing up valid points? Did he mention something that was never brought up before that needs to be addressed? Listen to his emotions and find out why he has them. Is he angry, frustrated, hurt? Pay attention and listen. Make sure he listens to you as well. You’ve given him his time and now it’s your turn. Listen without interruption. Hard to do but it’s important to remain silent and let them have their say.
2. Time to talk.
Now that you’ve both poured your souls out on the table, it’s time to bring one point at a time to the discussion block and talk it out. Decide who goes first and seriously, it’s irrelevant who does, just get the conversation started. And we’re talking, not yelling. Discussing in a sincere and mature way. Yes it’s possible. When one person is done the other person has the floor to express their feelings. Once you have both expressed how you feel you can then move on to dealing with the items that were brought up to the table. One at a time, without bringing up the past. Which brings me to the next point….
3. Don’t ever bring up the past.
Ever. It doesn’t matter what John did 4 months ago or 5 years ago. Who cares? Happy couples never go on and on about it. What happened back then was dealt with back then. They have resolved those issues and have moved on quite happily. They realize that in order to move forward they have to leave the past behind them. Can you imagine spending the next 20 or 30 years bringing up something that happened yesterday? It’s exhausting and will never get you anywhere good. Happy couples have let it go. It’s nothing to them now.
4. No name calling or yelling.
Really. You aren’t in high school anymore. You are adults. Grow up and act like one. Happy couples have total respect for each other and treat each other as the best friends that they are. They get that there is no place for name calling in a relationship. This just leads to hurt and degradation. Nothing that they are interested in. They also realize yelling is something you do when you’re in pain (extreme crazy pain of course), not when you’re trying to resolve issues in a loving relationship. Happy couples know that yelling can often lead to saying things you will regret later, so they choose to just not yell at all. Ever.
5. Agree to disagree.
There will come a time that they both will not agree on something. It’s ok when that happens. We are all entitled to our opinions on things, right? This is what makes us individuals. Happily agreeing to disagree is not a bad thing. They accept the standstill and leave it as is, respecting each other’s points of view on the issue. Handling this disagreement in a positive way is of the utmost importance. And they do that easily.
Marriage and relationships are serious business. Couples who truly admire, respect and love each other will stand the test of time. They are in it for the long haul, for the love and for the joy and they make it work. In this world where divorce is on the rise, and marriage counsellors are in high demand, isn’t i t nice to know that there are still couples that are true to their vows and make their union work? How do you and your partner deal with disputes? Share your tips with the reader