As a CYT reader, you probably heard of the 80/20 rule. When it comes to social skills, it still applies. 20% of your social skills can make of 80% of your success in having the right friends, and the right social life.
I would like to share with you five important social skills that I think are part of the top 20%.
1. Meeting New People Who Are "Your Type"
You rarely meet new friends on the street, or during your commute. Instead, you probably have made friends through other friends, through work, school, or similar. This is primarily because friendship needs a context, or an appropriate environment in order to emerge.
If this is the case, why waste time hoping for new friendships to happen? Why not take control and put yourself in environments where the probability of meeting new people is high?
I recommend you find private settings like local communities or meet-up clubs around your interests. As a rule of thumb, you need to find places where it's natural to walk up to a stranger and introduce yourself.
2. Knowing If They Too Are Looking For New Pals
This is counter-intuitive but, it helps you avoid rejection by taking a step-back before investing yourself too much, too early, on friendships that aren't happening.
When you meet a new potential friend, don't just assume that they have time for you, or that they too are looking for new pals. And that's the case even if they like you as a person. Some people just have too many friends already, and some are going through a stressful or time-consuming event and can't find the time to be social.
When meeting new people, ask about where they go and what they do for fun. Try and find out if they're active socially. some people are just too consumed with work; you never know.
3. Finding Things In Common With Strangers
Many people make the mistake of trying too hard to come across as unique, when meeting new people. Showing your uniqueness is a great thing to do, as it shows how confident you are.
However, it should be done with skill, so it doesn't become counter-productive.
At the same time, if you want to accelerate the process of making new friends, I suggest that you focus on how similar you are to the other person.
You only need to point out commonalities if they're real, and you sense that you could be friends with the other person. No need to fake anything here, all you need to do is look for commonalities in experiences you had, stories you know of, opinions, and interests.
4. Building Basic Trust, From The Beginning
This is another counter-intuitive thing socially skilled people do. As they're getting to know a new person, and they figure that there is potential of friendship, they start to share a more personal part of themselves.
It's at that point that you can share some of your vulnerabilities, quirky habits, or minor secrets. You don't need to share heavy stuff, just get a little more personal. This is counter-intuitive, but once you start applying it, you'll realize how much rapport, familiarity it builds between you and the other people.
5. Continually Improving Your Social Skills
This is a meta skill, (a skill about skills). Many people think that they just need to "fix their social skills." I advise them to never think of themselves as "broken" or that there is something wrong with them.
If you're late on learning social skills, then start learning today. And assume that this is something you'll be doing for a long time. At first, you put some conscious effort, to learn and practice. And after a while, you'll start improving your social life as you meet new people, make friends, and keep them.
At first, it's well-worth it to spend some time consciously learning. The fact is that the most socially successful people constantly try new things and dare for better social experiences and more genuine friends.
Get In Touch
As I have written before, you can join a newsletter that I've put out where you'll be receiving emails every 3 days, with tips and techniques to help you meet new people, make conversations, make friends, and build a social life. You can get it here.