Relationships

5 Reasons Why You Don’t Have the Friends You Want

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Written by Paul Sanders

In this article, I’d like to share with you 5 of the most common reasons why people stay either lonely, or keep hanging out with the wrong friends. Read on to discover what these reasons are, and how to overcome them…

Reason #1: Thinking That The Best People Have Enough Friends Already

It’s true that amazing people are in demand. However, many, many great people still want new friends, but don’t know how to go about it.

niceThe challenge is that your mind tricks you into believing that the right friends for you are already “taken”. This phenomenon happens especially if you’re lonely, or if you feel that you don’t have friends that really understand you.

The lonelier you are, the more likely you’ll compare yourself with the most popular people around, and therefore think that you’re the only one who doesn’t have enough friends. If you just shift your focus, you’ll find lots of people who are interesting and fun, who would love to meet new people, just like you.

Reason #2 : You Think You’re Not Interesting

This is a big reason that can hold you back from reaching out to people. It’s hard to work up the courage to socialize with someone when you’re asking yourself “what if they don’t like me!” The way you can overcome this is by realizing that you’re not for everyone.

You’re not a generic person who can fit with any type of crowd. Some will be bored with you, but others will love to hang out with you. If you accept that, your confidence will sky rocket. Your mission is to find people who need people like you in their life. Your mission is not to please everyone.

Reason #3: Some Friends Disappointed You In The Past, And You’re Afraid To Have The Same Experience

If you’ve been disappointed, screwed over, or betrayed by some friends in the past, then you know that the friendship world is far from being perfect. But, if your conclusion was that you should be careful not to trust anyone ever again, then that’s a problem.

You need to look at this in a different way. Instead of being optimistic about it for a while, then pessimistic for a while, and switching back and forth, look at it this way: making friends is a skill.

Whatever happens to you as you deal with people, celebrate it as a lesson. Learn from your past, learn how to spot selfish and destructive people better. Also, learn how to spot great people better. These skills will give you more and more experience in spotting great people, right away.

Reason #4: Whenever You Try To Make New Friends, It Doesn’t Seem To Work

Making friends is not something you do just occasionally. What happens is that you get to a place where you have to make friends, psych yourself into doing it, try it for a couple of weeks, then drop it off.

This happens because you don’t have a clear plan that gets you from loneliness to having a circle of friends that understand and like you. And by not knowing exactly where to go, and exactly what to do, you get lost and discouraged.

You need to accept that friendship is a skill, and you have the right to learn it. You’re not supposed to be born with it.

Reason #5: You Have Strong “Loner Habits” That You Can’t Change

As you decide to make your life more social, you don’t need to radically change your habits. If you have developed strong habits that keep you from socializing, then you need to start new ones, that will eventually grow and become strong, as well.

Here are two very effective habits you can start developing right now:

  • First, put a weekly reminder in your calendar, that reminds you to : shoot a message to some people you know; follow up with people you met recently; and/or find new ways of making friends in your area. Start by spending just one hour each week doing this.
  • Second, find an interest group or community that is about something you love. The only condition is that this community should hold regular get togethers that you can be attending, at least once a month.

Just by adding these two habits to your life, you’ll realize how easy it is to start socializing and making new friends.

Reason #6: You’re Not Subscribed To My Newsletter!

Actually, I’m just kidding. But, if you want to learn more techniques on meeting people, having great conversations, and making friends, then I recommend that you get on my Free Social Skills Newsletter.

In it, I’ll share with you the techniques I learned as I went from living a lonely life to having all the amazing friends I can find time for, and now teaching others to do the same.

Good luck,
-Paul Sanders

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About the author

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Paul Sanders

Paul Sanders's Get The Friends You Want teaches you how to:
Overcome Shyness & Loneliness ; Master Conversation & Social Skills ; Make Friends & Build a Social Circle.
Start here. >> Free Social Skills Newsletter