Being with friends, whether best friends, close friends or casual friends, no matter how much fun it is, sometimes has its snags. Friendships like any other relationship can often be slightly tricky, depending on how close you are your friend are. And then there are those who we think are our friends and end up not being a friend at all. Those ones are hard to deal with. You think you made a new friend, you’ve trusted them with information that you thought for sure they would keep and the next thing you know, the whole neighbourhood knows. It’s tough to form friendships. They are similar to romantic relationships. You still need to have trust, respect, loyalty and all that other good stuff that goes with it.
So how do you deal when your friend has hurt you? Directly or indirectly. Hurt is hurt no matter what form it takes. You initially want to lash out, scream and cry and point fingers. You can if you want but it won’t be very effective. It’s not easy to deal with this kind of hurt, so I won’t tell you it is. Here are a few steps to take when your so called friend has hurt you.
Find out the reason.
Get to the bottom of the matter. Were they mad at you for something you did recently and they are lashing out or taking revenge? Was it something done out of plain ignorance? Why did they do what they did? Find out. Don’t let it go and chalk it up as a stupid act, get to the bottom of it.
Make a decision.
Does this person have a habit of doing this often or is this a one-time occurrence? If they do this often, hurt you, then perhaps it’s time to get rid of this so called friend. They are serving no good purpose in your life and obviously there is something about you and your friendship that brings out the worst in them.
They may or may not know what they did hurt you. Let them know you are hurt and talk it out with them. Too often, we just let incidents go left unattended meanwhile it boils our blood and builds inside of us. If this is a close friend, tell them you are hurt and tell them why. Maybe, just maybe, it might be a misunderstanding.
Inside of you. Why did this matter hurt you? Is there something from your past, maybe, that you haven’t dealt with and still have unfinished business with? Perhaps what your friend did was simply a trigger from an incident from your youth or maybe an old relationship. Do some soul searching and see what you uncover before you fly off the handle on your friend.
Kiss and make up.
This is the hardest step, besides the making a decision step because there’s the whole trust thing. It’s easy to kiss and make up and say sorry it will never happen again and move on but can you move on? How hard or easy is it going to be to trust this person again? If this a first time offence, it might not be so hard, but if they have done it a couple of times, and you really do like this friend for various other great qualities they have, then trust might be a wee more difficult. If you want to continue this friendship, trust will have to be given.
It really is no fun when our own friends hurt us but it may be a sign that it’s time to reassess your friendship and see if it’s time to let it go. The hurt just may be a blessing in disguise, a lesson for you, and time to shake up the friendship tree.
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