How To Avoid Negative and Selfish Friends

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A very effective way to make yourself unhappy is to keep the company of negative and selfish friends. They’re probably the greatest source of social disappointment and remorse. If you keep them around you, you’ll find that it feels like you’re investing in a dead stock: it’ll never reward you back.

The most challenging part about this is that they know how to disguise themselves in nice and charming people. In this article, I want to share with you a few secrets on how to detect a selfish friend, before you invest yourself, and get disappointed.

CYT Negative Selfish FriendSign #1: He Downplays Your Favors And Never Returns Them

Another way to spot a selfish friend, is to notice how they deal with favors. When you do him a favor, he doesn’t make a big deal about it, and never gives you a sincere “thank you.” He downplays it slightly, so it doesn’t appear like a big favor that he’ll have to reciprocate.

On the other hand, when you ask for a favor, you start to get the most evasive answers on why he or she cannot do that. This gets funny sometimes, when you ask for a favor just to test how they’ll react.

Sign #2: A Selfish Friend is a Flaky One

A selfish friend can cancel plans with you at will, he will give you B.S. excuses, and barely feel that he needs to apologies. When you suggest plans, he (or she) will carefully compare them to other possible social plans he can do instead, and then decide if they’re available. And if you think they’ll include you in their alternative plans, then think again.

The selfish person doesn’t think of social gatherings as opportunities to interact and share time, he sees them as opportunities to get something: a beneficial contact, a job opportunity, an attractive date opportunity, and so on.

Sign #3: Never Introduces You To Other People

A selfish friend will always talk about their other friends and people that he know. You can be friends with him for months or years, and yet, you’ll never get introduced to these so-called friends. This is mainly because this type of person holds a lot of superficial relationships, and very few meaningful ones. You’ll notice that he or she barely knows these people.

And also, the selfish friend doesn’t have a concept of giving. They think that relationships and contacts are some sort of pie: if they give you a portion of it, their part will be smaller. Of course, this is very wrong, because the more you share your network, the more it grows.

Sign #4: He Tries To Hide Behind A Giving Personality

At first, you can notice that a selfish person, acts like a very charming and giving person. Because he or she knows that if you’d find out about who they really are, you’ll never hang out with them. That’s why they always appear as a very open minded, and genuine person.

Before long, you’ll notice that they’re not really available for you, and don’t really listen to what you say. They start to gradually be there only when there is something to get, and “be busy” when you only want to hang out and talk.

Sign #5: He Likes To Keep You In Doubt

A trick that selfish people use, mostly unconsciously, is to keep you in doubt and confusion about your value as a friend. He or she never makes you feel very good about yourself, as if you always have to give or do more. This is like an indirect rejection that a selfish friend will give you in small doses, to always keep you around, and try to get you to want their approval.

My advice to you is to never fall for this. As you start to detect the selfish signs, move on, and find a giving person; someone who is willing to invest some of their time to make new friends. Cut the suckers out – they do more harm than good.

Learn To Make The Right Friends

If you want to learn how to meet great people, make conversation, and build friendships with them, I recommend you get on my Free Social Skills Newsletter.

In it, I’ll show you the best techniques and strategies for meeting and making friends. I’ll also share with you new tips for having amazing conversations, that instantly make people want to get to know you.

See you there.

- Paul Sanders

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  1. I believe that you are who you hang around with. I avoid people like this like the plague! I had two such “friends”. I always felt like an afterthought to them, until I cut ties with them. Suddenly they wanted to know why I no longer want to spend time with them. I could not believe how self absorbed they were until I made the choice to disassociate myself from them.And yes, I am much happier for it!

  2. Or you could try frank conversation to raise their awareness, some compassion and a bit of unconditional love with less expectation.

  3. You are most like the 5 people you spend the most time with. Take a look at those people and if you don’t like that you are so similar to them, it might be time to make new friends!!
    Janine @ BreathOfOptimism recently posted..Positive Life Quotes – September 1, 2013

  4. Sometimes the most toxic friends are unaware of their own bad habits. Try talking to them and letting them know. If they refuse then well… What you do next is up to you.
    Vincent recently posted..48 Variables That Make the Biggest Difference in Your Life

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