Help I Need Friends

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If the title of this article made you say – "that's me!" then we are glad you stopped by! Feelings of isolation and loneliness occur even to the most seemingly popular of people. Even those who have large networks of friends, acquaintances, colleagues and romancers slip into stages of despondency, leaving the rest of us to wonder, why? And how?

People love comparing themselves to others, but when doing so also tend to neglect the relativity of each of our situations. Take our local bartender for example – a staple of our community, he or she is constantly in the limelight, and we have fantasies about how popular they must be with the opposite sex and how many friends they must make everyday. Although that may or may not be true, what do most bartenders do before and after work? They go home, sleep, and hide in their rooms. Not such the life of the party, huh? But why is this?

need_friendsWhen it comes to friendship, sometimes the adage less is more is appropriate. Most bartenders lead rather quiet lives outside of the spot light because they have to be so socially charged for so much of their average day, that when given the opportunity to relax and shut down, they do it with enthusiasm.

Remember what I said; we all experience a feeling of loneliness every now and then, that has us seek other people for companionship. It is the byproduct of our daily routines getting to us that make us crave something slightly different, a bit of outside influence to sprinkle into our life.

We all have our core friends that we rely on for support, friendship and relaxing, but sometimes it's not enough. The exploding rise of internet dating and social chatting puts us at the helm of our social desires, and we should not be afraid to use them. There's also a number of social clubs that exist in all of our cities for different tastes – dancing, meet and greets, singles events – but many people are also worried about going to these alone.

Breaking through our own fourth wall is very important is we want to meet other people. It's too easy these days to spend our time at home on Facebook instead of going out or organizing time with friends or making a new friend date. The excuses could be as long as you want them to be; you're too tired, you'll do it next weekend, you don't have enough money, etc. But we all know this is a vicious, endless cycle. The reason I point this out is because humans are meant to be social creatures, and if we are not socialized properly, there's a higher chance we won't succeed in life as well as we could if we are socialized properly.

That means having a confident social network to draw from, and the strength to use it. If we neglect this part of our growth, we risk depression, lethargy, and the inability to create lasting relationships. We should use the most o f our time to socialize properly and exercise our social skills – fortunately for us, there are millions of people out there just waiting to become your friend!

Let's say you live in the city, but have a relative who lives in a small town. They recently broke up with their partner, but suddenly a few weeks or months later, they are in a new, healthy relationship – meanwhile in the city, you're struggling to get a date, for friends or otherwise! What's happening here?

Despite cities having huge numbers of people, most citizens feel most left out when they live in the city. Social pressures like looking good, being successful, and being on the right path make us feel more insecure than ever as we try to keep up with the next trends. Meanwhile, our cousins in rural areas are able to socialize freely in their controlled society and socialize without the impending insecurities that we feel here in the city.

The key is to remember that we are all human. That it's OK to feel the way we do, lonely or alone sometimes, and that we all feel that way. If you are afraid to talk to someone because they don't seem like your type , fear not – they are thinking the exact same thing. We all fear the same things, and feel the same things. Some of us hide it better than others, but at the end of the day, we all love feeling wanted an d interesting. Don't be afraid to speak to new people and see where it takes you; the other person is just waiting for you to come by.

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About the author

Steven Aitchison

Steven Aitchison is the author of The Belief Principle and an online trainer teaching personal development and online business.  He is also the creator of this blog which has been running since August 2006.