There is a huge difference between being alone and feeling lonely: Being alone is the choice to spend time with yourself and feeling lonely is the need to be in the company of others.
I didn’t meet the woman of my dreams until I was 32 years old and up until that point I loved being alone. I had my own flat, went out when I wanted, stayed up until 4am and got up at 8am, I had friends to go raving with, friends to go to the cinema with, friends to have a coffee with, relationships with other women, one night stands with other women, dabbled in drugs, played the stockmarket, got a degree in Psychology, quit a few jobs on a whim to go travelling, found out the difference between dancing at a rave and truly feeling the music flow through me, and dancing at a nightclub and feeling self conscious, found out what I truly was looking for in an ideal partner, and discovered what I really wanted to do in life.
It all sounds like a very hedonistic lifestyle, but underneath it all was the conscious choice to spend a lot of my time alone. I love my own company and treasure the moments I get a bit of time to myself.
Now, I have Sharon and my two sons and I treasure the times we have together, but I have continued my alone time by setting up a business from home and basically spend around 9 hours per day completely alone in my office with my dog. But, I am not lonely, far from it. I chat on skype with some great people I have met related to my business, I go out with friends and family, I interact with readers on Facebook, and occasionally travel around the country to attend various seminars and masterminds, meeting some amazing people in the process. I used to consider myself to be an introvert, but now think I am more of an ambivert. I have the perfect balance in my life.
Some people cannot embrace this alone time, but when you embrace this time of being alone you will never again feel lonely in your life.
9 Things That Will Happen When You Embrace Being Alone
1. You get time to exhale
So often we are busy running around at 100 miles per hour at work, and with friends and family, we hardly get time to take a breathe. When you spend time alone, you get time to take a deep breathe and exhale slowly, letting all the dramas fade from your mind.
2. The fog in your mind begins to lift
Have you ever felt that you are so busy with life that you just can’t seem to see things clearly? Being alone offers this fog of busyness to lift from your mind, and clears the way for clearer thinking.
3. Reflect on your own life
We don’t often get a chance to reflect on our own life as we’re so busy involved in the lives of others. Getting this time is essential if you want to answer the big questions in life: What do I want? What can I do to make myself more happy? What can I to to contribute? What the hell am I doing?
I know in the past I have gone with the flow of life, which is great, but then three years later have realised I am stuck in a shitty job I don’t like and wonder why the hell I am doing it, or got stuck in a relationship that was just happening and not growing. This time alone gives us a chance to stop and think about the things that really matter.
4. Spend time doing things you love
There are so many things I have learned by embracing being alone, like learning to build websites, write code, learn the guitar, writing, learning how to make videos, and learning more about myself through reading.
When you embrace being alone you have the choice of doing anything that you feel like doing, there’s no restrictions, nobody to say ‘Oh that’s just silly’ (or if you’re in Scotland: ‘That’s bloody mental’). Imagine if you had the chance to learn anything, what would it be?
5. Get more things done
When you’re away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life and everyday dramas you tend to get a hell of a lot more done than normal. You get the time, free from distractions, to get your head down and get on with it.
6. Become more confident
There’s a quiet confidence about people who have learned to embrace their own company. They don’t talk for the sake of being heard, they tend to talk only when there’s something to say, but more than that, they don’t feel self conscious about not talking and feel very confident in the company of others. This is because they have a deep inner confidence that only comes when you have learned to embrace yourself fully, which comes from spending more time alone.
7. Feel a lot more independent
When you stop craving the company of others and start doing things you wouldn’t normally do unless you were with someone else, like eat out at a restaurant, go to the cinema, or go for a long drive. When you start to do these things alone, it can be extremely empowering.
8. Get in touch with your emotions
You can’t know your emotions when you are trapped in the energy of other peoples dramas. only when you get time to be yourself can you truly get in touch with your emotions. You will gain a deeper insight into the things that make you truly happy.
This comes with understanding yourself more which can only come with a little bit of me time.
9. Feel connected to something deeper
There’s something amazing that happens when you have a little solitude in your life. You start to ask the bigger questions; What is my purpose, why am I here, what can I do to contribute.
This seems to be an inbuilt program in the human mind, and we can’t truly reflect on these questions unless we have a bit of solitude.
I have spent many hours thinking about the bigger questions and formulated my own beliefs and thoughts about the world when I have spent time alone and these beliefs and thoughts have permeated my daily thoughts and interactions with others in my life.
So it’s not just about being alone in the moment. It seems that spending quality time alone can have a lasting effect on everything that you do and also have an effect on the relationships you have in life.
Let me know your thoughts about this, would love to hear what you think.