Many of us stay in relationships for the wrong reasons. Some of us don’t like to be alone, so we stay. Some of us have nowhere else to go, so we stay. The n the rest of us stay just because we’ve been there so long, what would be the point of leaving now any way? It’s all we know and even though it may be really bad, for the most part it’s sort of ok. So why leave right?
And then there’s those of us that have no idea our partners are being abusive. You sort of have an inkling but you’re not really sure. Abuse is not just physical and violent. Abuse comes in a few other forms.
Before we get into the signs please note that this is not just for women, but men too. Many men are in abusive relationships as well. Contrary to popular belief, women can also be very abusive to their partners. For the sake of this writing though, I will use she/her.
Have a look at these 8 warning signs and if you recognize any of them in your relationship it’s time to take some action and either confront your partner a bout your concerns and get couple counselling OR leave immediately if they are not willing to work with you to address these issues. Your partner should have your best interests at heart, should love you unconditionally and treat with you the utmost respect.
1. Calls you names. Name calling is the absolute worst form of verbal abuse. Under no circumstances should anyone ever call you names. Yo u don’t want your child called names in the school yard and this is actually considered bullying . If you’ve been paying any attention to the news these days, bullying is a global concern that we are desperately trying to wipe out. It’s not ok for your child to be bullied and it’s not ok for you to be bullied either.
2. Yells at you for no reason. You do not deserve to be spoken to in an angry and hateful tone. Yelling is exactly that, angry and hateful. If some one loves you as they say they do, then why would they yell at you? We all must be treated with respect, love and kindness. Yelling is anything but that.
3. Tells you who you can see and talk to. No one should ever have that much power over you that they tell you who you can hang out with and when. Your friends and family are part of you and dear to you. If you want to spend time with any of them, you should be able to without having to seek permission or repercussion.
4. Plans your schedule for you. This type of micro managing is control which is another form of abuse. Most don’t realize that. Why should anyone be planning out your day and schedule for you? Are you not capable of doing that yourself? What about the things you want to do? Are you not allowed to do them? Control is abuse.
5. Gives you an allowance and asks where all your money is. You work hard for your money and it’s your money, rightfully so. Unless you have a serious gambling or addiction problem, you should be entitled to your money and spend it, or s ave it, anyway you like (independent of the household contributions). This form of abuse also stems from control.
6 . Embarrasses or humiliates you in public. This is just so sad. To be embarrassed in public by the one person that claims they love you. They make fun of you in front of others for a good laugh, at your emotional expense. This is not funny. If your self-esteem hasn’t taken a kicking yet because of this, give it time. It will.
7. Intimidating you. They threaten you or make you do things that you re ally don’t want to but pull the “if you love me you would” card. This is intimidation in fine form and you should never feel intimidated by anyone ever. Some people also f eel intimidation by their family members or bosses. Address this concern immediately if you can .
8. Manipulating and twisting things around. When they do this, they make sure you are aware that no matter what just happened, it’s all your fault, and you know damn well it isn’t but by the time they are done, you are convinced it is your fault and you say sorry. These people don’t take responsibility for their actions and blame everything on you. Take a stand. Stop saying sorry for things you didn’t do.
We can’t ignore physical or sexual abuse and if you are experiencing either one it is imperative you get help immediately. Your life matters. No one deserves to be abused and there is more than enough help out there for those that seek it. Take back your life. You are worth it.