You've loved and lost and then did it again. And then again. Wait one more time. Does it ever end? The vicious cycle of finding that one true love. Most of your friends are happily married or in love. You' re starting to feel like a third wheel on most outings . You really want to find true love. Or do you?
We've all had our fair share of heartbreak. Some of us bounce back, others not so much. We swear we're "never dating again!" but secretly you know you don't really want to be alone for the rest of your life either. Being alone sucks, but dating sucks even more. Yes, it's a vicious cycle. So you put your self out there again, for love sakes, but are you really putting all of you out there? There are many reasons why we don't get the love we want but it really all comes down to one thing. You're hiding.
So why are you hiding? These following reasons may resonate with one or two of you.
We've hurt. A lot. Many times. Who wants to go through all that again? Certainly not you so you put up a barrier. I have news for you, it's visible and it's working. When we walk around with a guarded heart, we're not really open to love, even though you do claim you want love. Drop the barrier and watch what happens.
2. You're just like my ex.
We instinctively are going to find faults comparable to our ex. We love to compare. He did this and you might too. Your next love may have traits like your ex but in a different way that might not be as horrible as your ex. They may even be acceptable. Try not to look for things that are just like your ex. When yo u do this you may lose sight of the good qualities this next person has.
3. I'm not ready to share again.
As much as we want some companionship, we really like our alone time. We like the fact that the bed is all ours. Not only that, you've shared before and it wasn't appreciated or reciprocated. Sharing hasn't been too fun in the past. Not sharing, though, is not who you are. You are a sharing caring loving person. Don't change that because of one bad experience.
4. I'm too fragile.
Of course you are. Only because you haven't properly healed with or dealt with the pain from the last relationship. As soon as you get over that one, you'll be more open to receiving love, but you have to heal. When you are ready, you will either seek help, or work on helping and healing yourself. You really do want love again. Remember that.
5. Am I going to lose you too?
The fear of loss will never go away unless we open up enough to deal with it and send it packing. We will always enter a new relationship with the thought that it will end just like all the rest. This thought is damaging not only to a potential new mate but also to you. Life isn't forever. Don't close off possibilities because you think they are going to end abruptly. Life could end that fast too.
6. What do I have to sacrifice for you?
We sacrificed far too much in our last relationship and lost not only things but friends too. The first rule of love, don't sacrifice your family or friends. If yo u are doing that, then you are not in a healthy relationship. Don't think you have to sacrifice people for love. You don't.
7. Losing myself is a risk.
A risk you shouldn't have to take. Many of us become different people in relationships so the other person will like/love us more. No one should ever do that. Always be yourself. The right person will love you for you, not someone you feel you should become to please them.
Love is a risky business. In my opinion, if you seriously want love in your life, it's a worthwhile risk. Though we all want lasting love, you never know if your next mate will be forever or not so just enjoy the time, the ride, the experience and the love. Remember love doesn't hurt, love is beautiful.