You have been together for 5, 10, maybe even 20+ years and things are starting to slowly fall apart. This is the person you chose to spend the rest of your life with but at this point you aren’t even sure you can stand one more week with them, let alone another 10 years. What began as a beautiful loving relationship has now turned into a partnership of complacency and little tolerance. The spark that once lit a whole room up only has the power to light a smoke.
So how do we get back on track? What things have we lost along the way that we desperately need to get back in order for this relationship to stand the test of time? It’s not rocket science and it’s not difficult. Let’s look at 6 simple and commonly overlooked things you can do to have that healthy relationship you long for.
And talk some more. Now I don’t mean talk your partner’s ear off about senseless stuff nor do I mean nag your partner to death. I’m talking about (pardon the pun) the stuff you two used to talk about when you first met. Life, kids, how to save the world, your dreams, your fears. That kind of talk. Talk like you are best friends. Talk about the fun stuff, the interesting stuff, not just about what’s for dinner tonight and the fact that the neighbours just bought an 80″ TV. And speaking of your neighbours …
2. Stop comparing yourself to the neighbours or to your friends or your family or any other couple for that matter.
Comparing yourself to anybody else only adds stress and frustration to the relationship. It is telling your partner that you are lacking something that they can’t give you or that you two can’t have. You aren’t the Jones’ and your relationship will probably never be like theirs. Who cares? Just be yourselves and don’t worry about what others are doing or, worse yet, try to keep up with them. When you spend time worrying or comparing yourself to others you are telling yourself that you aren’t good enough.
3. Be grateful always.
Be grateful that you aren’t the Jones’ . They probably have different problems than you do anyway. Be grateful for your health, your love for each other, despite the fact that the spark isn’t there, the love still is. Be grateful for the home you have, the trust you have, the bond you have. Just be grateful for all the things that do make this relationship a strong and loving one. A fun thing to do every day is take a few minutes and share the things you are grateful for with each other. It will bring you closer, for sure, and you will bring more things to be grateful for into your lives .
4. Have alone time.
Apart from each other. Whether that entails going out with your own friends or even taking a weekend or week long trip away from your partner, it’s important to do this. You need to maintain your independence and your own relationships outside of your union. Being co-dependant isn’t fun for anyone and can be very stressful. Not only that, when you take time away from each other even if it’s only once a month, you will learn to appreciate each other more. You will miss their company and realize how important they are in your life.
5. Go ahead and argue if you have to.
There’s nothing wrong with arguing every now and then, as long as it’s healthy and you aren’t calling each other names or becoming abusive in any way. Many marriage councillors will tell you that a good argument can help us release built up frustrations and tensions. When things get out in the open, we feel better. Just be careful to watch your words. No hurting.
6. Make up sex is great.
Any sex is great really but after an argument, nothing beats a great round of make-up sex. It’s almost like sealing the deal of understanding and mutual trust. You’ve both shared your grievances, and you’ve become closer, emotionally. You totally get each other now. Sex time! You will instantly feel the closeness and that passionate bond of intimacy and love. These are some of the things healthy relationships are made of.
Relationships aren’t always easy but they don’t have to be super difficult either. When it is becoming a struggle to stay together, it could be time to call in the professionals. Either way, getting back to a beautiful, healthy and loving relationship is not so difficult to do.