The Breakup. The I just got kicked/I just kicked them to the curb defining moment. You’ve struggled for the last year with this person and it’s finally over. Rejoice! It’s now time to move on. You’ve been here before, you’ve other breakups. Did you learn anything from those? What did you do last time that you regret today?
Breakups are never easy, period. Whether or not it was your decision doesn’t matter. They are still hard and there is still going to be a grieving period, and an anger period and an I hate him/her so much period. Yes, you’re going to go through all of that. Deal with it. So the last time didn’t go as planned or as smoothly as you would have liked. What do you need to do better or differently this time to move on?
1. First and foremost, do not get into another relationship.
That’s the one thing you shouldn’t do, as promised in the title. This is something you need to avoid at all costs for many reasons but the number one reason is simply because you are still carrying wounds from your last relationship that you haven’t healed yet. Really. You may think you are fine and ready for love but there is still so much healing to do.
2. Find self love.
This is something that so many of us don’t have and truly don’t quite grasp the concept of self love and then months later they enter into the same type of volatile relationship with a partner who has the same negative and toxic behaviours as the one you just left. The reason this happens is because you simply haven’t found true love within yourself yet and don’t recognize behavioural patterns. You want love, find it and grab it without thought. When you love and value yourself, you will see that your values and boundaries are extremely important and you will not sacrifice them for anyone.
3. Who am I?
Spend some time alone. No friends or family, just you. Many of us lose who we are in relationships and the result is we forget who we are. Who were we before John or Sarah ? What did I love doing, what were my dreams, my goals, my hobbies and my passions? You need to rediscover you and find out how much of yourself you lost and start the process of finding you again. The more you understand, value and appreciate about yourself, the happier you will be in your own skin. When this happens, chances are you won’t settle for less in your next relationship.
4. Take up a new hobby or learn something new.
Now this could be something you’ve been meaning to do and have been putting off or what have you. It’s important to keep busy and it will be easier for you to do so if you immerse yourself in something you really want to do or really love. It’s always a great way to meet new people and make new friends. Remember you and your ex probably share the same circle of friends and you don’t want to hang out with them all the time and keep talking about him/her and the breakup. Find new people to hang with through new interests. It will help you grow.
5. If it was a bad breakup or not mutual you need to delete his/her contact info from all your devices.
IPhone, iPad, delete and block (yes I said block) from FB and any other social media channels you shared. You need to delete them like they never existed (if this was a bad breakup). The sooner you do this, the sooner you will be able to move on and heal properly. Wanting to know who they are with and what they are doing days, weeks and months later will definitely not do you any good. There is no need to torment yourself like that (unless you’re into self torture). Delete them, everywhere. Period.
We all know it takes time to heal break up wounds but following some of these tips just might save you from a ton of unnecessary grief. Moving on means just that. Moving on. Be done with it. Onward and upward.