"I want to be let alone" "“ Greta Grabo
I think you'll agree with me when I say:
It's really hard to find the right person to form a couple these days.
Should that bother you that much? Or shouldn't?
Well, it turns out to be that the more you force things into engaging into a relationship, the more mistakes you make.
In today's article I'll show you how you can prevent engaging into failed relationships and how this will create the right ambiance for your future life partner.
Hello, I'm 30 years old, and recently an important event happened in my life. I have engaged into a relationship with a girl. And you might say this is not a big deal, since there are already millions of couples around the world. But I consider this my own great achievement.
It took me years to join the team of couples. I was living in solitude, and I was comfortable with it. I've always needed a lot more of personal space.
I don't think there is something wrong with being around people or engaging in couples. I go out with my friends and I feel comfortable among people. But after these gatherings I need to retire in loneliness. Being too much around people sucks life-force out of me, and I can only give so much of me without feeling frayed.
I was judged of being single. Society pushed me in to making a couple with someone. My parents reminded me that
I was born when they were 24. Couples revealed their melodramas about living in coupledom.
I started thinking that something must be wrong with me. But I didn't know what exactly. I just didn't have the drive to find a companion!
And I kept wondering. Is it that my expectations are too high, and I will never find the queen of my life, and I will die alone? Or, it shouldn't be harder than finding a pair of shoes?
The shopping effect
It's disappointing to realize that your new relationship doesn't have a bright future.
It's like shopping online and coming across a pair of shoes which aren't really your style. You order them anyway, because the price is too good to pass them. When they arrive at your door, you try them. Keep them for a few days, until you realize that you are never going to wear them.
We're trying to convince ourselves that someone compatible in many things with us is the one. Although, they never made us feel that essential spark, or out stomach flip and heart race.
I didn't want to begin a relationship which felt like an immense amount of work from the outset, and I turned down relationships for various benefits of being single.
1. Living in solitude makes you flexible
I have never felt the drive to seek out romantic relationships. I always felt fine and content being alone.
This gave me a sense of flexibility. I was free like a bird. I liked doing things like wandering the city, travelling, going out, practicing sport, or going to the library by myself. I didn't want to change my lifestyle pairing up with someone. I just couldn't bear the thought of having someone around all the time.
2. Focus on your self-growth
I was learning internet marketing. Although, I had the luxury to invest my free time, enthusiasm, and energy, it still took long to master it. Having a girlfriend, a family, or kids, could have made things even worse. Along with my own worries and duties theirs would have been added up, and steal my precious time.
I never accepted someone giving up and letting circumstances take over their life. That makes them feel tired, sad, and lack the enthusiasm, on a regular basis. Partnering up with someone of this kind would sabotage my own values and would have pushed me down the ladder.
It would cost me twice the effort coming on the right track.
3. Don't' waste time on what doesn't make you happy
A relationship is like fire. If you don't throw gasoline in it, it extinguishes. Maintaining a healthy relationship requires making daily gestures proving your love and respect.
Before I started any relationship I asked myself if I have enough time to build it. What can I expect if we don't spend time together walking, talking, or doing things together?
If you are unable to build a relationship that makes you fulfilled and happy, why starting one?
4. Spend your time more effective
People who are in love are so emotional. They just stick to you, and don't give you space, wasting your time and energy.
Scientists proved that the deep feeling of emotional love equals to a psychological irregularity. Their behavior strangles your time and patience.
I could use my time more productive than spending hours talking on the phone, or chatting. I was always running from this kind of blind love.
5. Live in emotional balance
Everyone is afraid of getting hurt.
A couple of times I went through a dramatic scenario when my honest sympathy was rejected. My delicate feelings were hurt and I was disappointed. I was afraid to begin new relationships until I knew I was loved more than I do. This secured myself from hurting my own feelings.
Here is the deal:
The later you engage into a relationship the more time you have to mature for it.
Young couples make lots of mistakes. Increased number of divorces, kids growing in incomplete families, and broken destinies, are only a few consequences irresponsible couples make. This puts the family institute in danger.
Never enter into a relationship because of boredom, loneliness, or experimentation. Don't let the partner imagine that there is a story to be written between both of you.
Keep in mind that relationships are a lot of work. Being responsible to another person and their emotions can be imprisoning and exhausting.