5 Reasons You Are Scared of Commitment

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There are a lot of ways to live our life and we only have one chance to do it. Some people get married when they are young, some when they are old, some never; some have kids, some remain kids all their life. The best part about it all is that there is no one right way to live or another.
At any age, we are always pressed with relationship options, whether they be to seek monogamy, polygamy, marriage, or friendship. We experiment during our youth and become more down to earth as we get older and mature. In some habits, some of us might develop a fear of commitment. Maybe we don't feel good at it, or know enough about it. Maybe we haven't had enough opportunities to grow committed habits or relationships, and we are afraid to start. The point is, we should never be afraid to try anything new, and no matter what happens, we will always both succeed and make mistakes no matter what we do. The challenge is enjoy the changes in our life and do whatever makes you happy.
Are you scared of commitment? Take a look and try to overcome these obstacles in your love life.

unhealthy_relationship1. You spend too much time looking for the "right one"

If you chase a butterfly through the field, it will run away. But if you wait for it, it will land right on your shoulder.

Romance is in the air. Or at least you think it is. As the saying above goes, sometimes if you spend too much time chasing and looking for something you want, you will never get it. Sometimes you just have to sit and be patient and wait for what you want to come to you.

Relationships and dating just isn't what it used to be anymore. We are surrounded by dramatic stories of love and hang on to this idea, when really all we need is not "the one," but just someone amicable that we can enjoy spending time with and see things on the same wavelength. People who are "the one" together are usually those who have been together since childhood – they've had every experience together and cannot live apart. If you are still looking for love into your middle age, it's time not to look for the one, but to just wait for someone who you can enjoy the rest of your life together with, without the drama or attachment of immense love. Look for respect, honesty, and friendship.

2. Bad experiences in past relationships

Our past relationships bear a heavy burden on our lives a lot of the time, but we always try to find peace with it. We need to leave it in the past and think forward. I have seen many people either give up dating, or distance themselves from others for a long time because of a bad past relationship. But it's important to remember that everybody is different, and a bad experience with one person is not a reflection of people as a whole. You have to put it behind you and embrace new people; learn from your experiences and choose new partners with an open, secure mind. Do not distance yourself because you have been hurt – recover with strength and look forward to starting over again. After all, you've done it before.

3. Bad relationship with your parents

Not all of us come from perfect nuclear families; some of us come from humble homes, broken families, or other interesting situations. It's no reason to upset your frame of mind or use it as an excuse as to why you cannot maintain a relationship or have a family yourself. That you don't know anything about it is also not an excuse. It is never too late to learn how to be yourself or grow your own relationship or family. We learn from our surroundings and ourselves; take what you know from your loving family and extrapolate it into your own life – it's your life, not theirs.

4. You have too many options…or not enough

If you have been living in a big city or other metropolitan area and are young and active, monogamy might not be the problem, but polygamy might. It is indeed tempting and beneficial to meet as many people as possible – share new experiences, learn from with, learn with them, and learn lessons. But it's no excuse to be afraid of commitment; you must learn how to follow your feelings and trust your gut when it comes to serial dating versus settling down. It feels great to enjoy the attention of many people and also becomes more complicated when drama exists. Enjoy it all while you can, and learn how to shift gears when it is the right time.

Conversely, if you're living in a lightly populated area, the lack of choice might be a bother to you. It's possible you know every person in your town already, and the lack of scope can be suffocating. You need to meet new people, but you can't!
Despite those conditions, try not to limit your perspective. Your town may be small, but the world is huge. Connect with others online or make trips into the city to broaden your social network and meet others. There are millions of people out there.

5. "Friends with benefits"

Not all of us have had a lot of experience with long relationships. It could be that we travel for work, spent most of our time in school, or simply work too much to be able to grow a long lasting bond. If we are socially active, it's easy then to just develop a pattern of seeing many people and not be able to get past that. Eventually it feels like that is the only way we can live our life and consequently we get programmed into thinking that we are a certain way. The truth is, we're not, and habits change. We are whoever we want to be, whenever we want to be. As we get older, people might wonder why we have not had many long relationships. There is no shame in the truth, and no right way to live your life. Don't feel ashamed to tell anyone the truth about why your life is the way it is, or sugar coat anything around it. Be you, always, and as much as you can be.

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About the author

Steven Aitchison

Steven Aitchison is the author of The Belief Principle and an online trainer teaching personal development and online business.  He is also the creator of this blog which has been running since August 2006.