No matter which way you look at it, being betrayed is shitty. Plain and simple. Whether it be from a spouse, friend, colleague or even a family member, it hurts and we have a heck of a time getting over it or even understanding why it happened. We ask ourselves the million-dollar question what did I do to deserve this? Probably nothing. So how do we handle a betrayal?
Our first reaction, anger, is natural. All things you do after that, are your choices. We want to stay mad though. We don’t want this person to ever forget how much they hurt us. Sounds like a grudge to me. Do we really want to hold onto that? That’s one way to handle a betrayal but probably not the most effective. Here are 10 other ways that may be easier on your heart.
1. Understand where it came from.
Is this the first time this person has done that? Are they going through something that perhaps no one understands and this is the only way they know how to deal with it? Consider the source. It may put things into perspective for you.
2. Did you deserve it?
Chances are, probably not, but could this be a payback for something you may have done to them in the past? Karma maybe? If this is the case, take it on the chin, own up to your wrongdoing from who knows how many years ago and move on.
3. Get mad.
Of course. Why wouldn’t you? Let out some steam. Don’t get in the car and drive while you are this mad or take it out on your friends or family either but maybe go in the forest and scream. Perhaps writing a truth letter and getting it all out. Let it all out.
4. Let’s talk about this.
Go right to the source and discuss it. They already know what they did was wrong and they surely know how you feel, or do they? Maybe your anger or hurt is bigger than they thought it would be. Sometimes people simply have no clue how others feel. Tell them.
5. Cry all you want.
Don’t hold your tears in. Crying is a wonderful way to detox the soul, clean out the toxins if you will. Get all those tears out and when you think you can’t cry anymore, cry some more.
6. Dump them.
If this has become a pattern for this person, this betrayal, then it could be time to get rid of them. Obviously if it’s your partner you want to hang on to the relationship but at what cost? Being continuously betrayed is not healthy for anyone.
7. Call a friend.
Some of us can’t deal with these things on our own. If that’s you, call your friend, or whoever you trust to talk to about it. Get someone else’s viewpoint on it or maybe you just need a shoulder to cry on.
8. Prevent it from happening again.
That goes part in parcel with #6 but if it’s not so easy to dump this person, take measures to ensure it doesn’t happen again. If they borrowed money and haven’t paid it back, don’t lend them money again. Small example but you get the point.
9. Thinking clearly.
When we are angry our minds are clouded with hate and evil thoughts. Don’t act immediately. Take a day or a week if you have to before you respond or react to this act of betrayal. Take time to think it through clearly before you lash out. Some things can be prevented with a clear mind.
10. Accept it for what it is.
And move on. I know, easier said than done but sometimes things happen that we have absolutely no control over. If this is a recurring habit from this person, know that you can’t change or fix it and move on. There’s little to nothing you can do. Remember, hurt people hurt people.