Relationships

Why You Can’t Stop Fighting in Your Relationships

Matthew Coast
Written by Matthew Coast

Have you ever found yourself fighting with a person you’re dating or in a relationship with and you can’t seem to figure out why it’s happening or how to make it stop?

Today I’m going to tell you why you lose control in your relationships, what you can do about it, and the most important thing you can do if you want a stable, healthy relationship.

But first, I need to explain something very important to you.

Apparently, I’m pretty offensive to some people. I don’t really mean to be. In fact, I don’t think it really has much to do with me.

It’s funny how that happened when I stopped obeying society and started going down my own path in life.

One of the things that really seems to piss people off is the fact that I don’t watch, read, or listen to the news.

That REALLY gets people going…

I like it when people think this somehow makes me ignorant. How ironic!

Let me make something clear to you… getting information from the news only makes you well informed on the issues that the news stations want you to be well informed on.

Most of this information is not only news that doesn’t apply to you, it is news that you can do nothing about.

Not only that, it’s just one side of the story. It’s amazing how different the world looks when you live in a country outside of the United States.

The news isn’t designed to keep you well informed. It’s designed to suck you in. They make money from readership and advertising.

They don’t make money by keeping you well informed. At least, not the major news media.

The major news media is mostly propaganda and clever manipulation techniques designed to get you to keep consuming it.

Anyway, the point is that most of the things in the news, there’s nothing you can do about.

So what do you think happens when you focus your energy on events and information that you have no control over?

Answer:

If you focus on things you have no control over, things outside of your control will begin controlling you.

Result: You lose control over your life.

Think about it…

As a women’s dating coach, I find that most of the women who come to me do this.

They focus on “How can I get him to start doing this?!?” or “How can I get him to stop doing that?!?”

This is very reactive and disempowering. You don’t really have control over what someone else does.

And let’s face it… anyone you have that much control over isn’t someone you’ll respect enough to be in a relationship with for very long.

What you do have control over is how you behave. You control how you respond or don’t respond to a situation.

You have control over how you handle yourself. You have control over whether you are willing to put up with low-class behavior or not.

Write this down somewhere…

Focus on what you can control and you will take control of your life.

This includes what type of relationships you have and how you experience those relationships.

When you stop reacting to things and start intelligently responding instead, you’ll begin to notice that you have a lot more control than you realize.

Then, instead of reacting to other people and situations, they will start reacting and responding to you.

As my friend Lisa Merlo-Booth says, “Changing me, changes we.”

So how do you intelligently respond so that you create a healthy, stable relationship?

What I’m about to tell you is the most important thing that you can focus on in a relationship.

In my own experience and the experience of many of my clients, this will have more of an impact on the joy and happiness of a relationship than anything else.

Here it is”¦

Be Compassionate.

Most people argue and fight in relationships because they don’t feel like they’re getting their voice heard. They don’t feel like their partner really understands them.

And if you have two people in a relationship who don’t feel like the other person is listening, that’s when misunderstandings turn into fights which turn into breakups.

If instead of fighting and pushing each other away, you want to create a deeper level of emotional intimacy, love, and acceptance, focus on making sure your partner knows that you feel and understand what is going on with them.

Listen, ask questions, and repeat back what they said in your own words. Once they feel like you really get what it is that they’re trying to communicate, it will give them a sense of completion and open a space for them to hear what it is that you have to say.

Come to your relationship with a sense of compassion and change the relationship from an adversarial mentality to a feeling that you’re both in it together. And that’s the foundation for a stable, lasting relationship.

What do you think? How have you been successful in taking control in your relationships?

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About the author

Matthew Coast

Matthew Coast

Matthew Coast helps women who struggle getting into a committed relationship meet a quality man and develop a secure, loving relationship with him.
If you'd like to find out more about how to get into a committed relationship, visit his website at Commitment Connection.