About Steven AitchisonThe world is changing as you read these words and it seems the rate of change is getting faster all the time. It seems everyone is able to change an aspect of their life with ease and yet some of us might find it difficult to change some aspect of our life – why is that?
There are many reasons we want to change in some way: to get more money in our jobs, to feel loved and start a new relationship, to feel good about ourselves and lose weight, to be part of something and join a club, to move home to accommodate our family, to start a new business to escape ‘cubicle nation’. These are only a fraction of the aspects of our lives in which we are looking to change.
The top three reasons why people find it difficult to change
- We don’t know what we want
- We don’t know how to make the change
- Fear of the unknown
Here’s a few typical scenarios:
Scenario 1
Your friend tells you he hates his job, even though it pays great money, affords him a good lifestyle, and allows him and his family to stay in a home they love. He speaks about all the things he hates about the job and a few of the things he likes, but mostly he dreams about getting out of this job into something else. That’s all very well, there are millions of people in that situation. However, when you ask the question: What do you want to do instead? his face goes a bit distorted as if he has never even considered the question and the inevitable reply is: I don’t know!
Scenario 2
Your friend knows what he wants to do with her life, she wants to go to Africa to save the Silky Sifaka Lemurs. She knows her stuff as she has been studying endangered species all her life and her particular passion is the plight of the Lemurs. It outrages her that these animals are being hunted to be eaten by local people, and driven from their natural habitat by loggers. So she is very clear on what she wants, the only problem is she doesn’t know how to get it.
Scenario 3
Your other friend has secretly fantasized about starting his own business as a business consultant. He has studied for years and dabbled with a few things and even has a few gigs at the weekend. He really knows his stuff and he gets great testimonials from clients. The only trouble is he has a family and his wife doesn’t earn enough for him to leave his current job and he still has a few doubts about his ability to run a business with all that entails as he doesn’t really know what it would be like. So he knows what he wants, knows how to get it but has the fear of changing because it would be unknown territory.
Your two selves
I believe everyone has two aspects to themselves: Their ‘core self’ and their ‘ideal self.’
Core self
Your core self is the persona you live in your everyday life. You have, roughly, the same persona at work, at home, with friends, and with your family. There might be some slight variations as you don’t feel as comfortable being your true self at work, but essentially your morals, principles and values remain the same.
Ideal self
Your ideal self is the person you really want to be. Bob the builder secretly dreams of being a property tycoon, postman Pat secretly dreams of running for election of his local town.
Both your core self and ideal self has lots of little circles around it, called aspects, which represent the aspects of your core self e.g. your job, your relationships, your spirituality etc.
Changing from your core self to your ideal self.
When we talk about changing we don’t need to change our essential core self we are only looking to change an aspect of our core self so we then have to bridge the gap between our core self and our ideal self. So it’s within the bridging gap where the answer to ‘How do I change’ lies and where are a lot of people lose their way.
The Change Code
To be able to bridge the gap between your core self and your ideal self you need the code to be able to do it. I believe there are seven steps to the Change Code:
- Know yourself to know what you want – You’ve got to dig deep and ask yourself lots of questions about what you want out of life, we don’t ask ourselves enough good questions.
- Predicting your future - Know what you want and see yourself doing activities as your ideal self.
- Stop making square wheels - Copy what other people have done in the field you are interested in changing.
- Chunking the change - Break the change down into much smaller steps so you gain confidence with each step you take.
- Clearing the weeds from your path – Look for potential obstacles and get rid of them before crossing the bridge and making the change.
- Creating rituals – Create good habits in your life that will make the change easier.
- Talk to the three parts of your brain (Logical, emotional and spiritual) – Have you ever felt that something was ‘right’, you don’t know why but it just felt right? I think that’s because you have spoken to all three parts of your brain, the logical part, the emotional part and the spiritual part. (This is obviously a topic to discuss in another article).
So if we were to use the Change Code on the top three reasons why people find it difficult to change:
- We don’t know what we want
- We don’t know how to make the change
- Fear of the unknown
You can see how the Change Code will help with all three. It’s still hard to know what you want in life.
Knowing what you want
If you don’t know what you want in life then obviously you don’t want anything in particular. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it does mean making the most of what you have got. That might have come as a bit of a shock to some readers and I am sorry about that.
If you don’t have some kind of passion in life, something you are deeply interested in, something that drives you outside your daily work and it could be anything like reading books, watching nature programs, being a good parent, being the soap queen who knows everything that’s happening in the soaps, being the next big internet marketer. If you don’t have something like this in your life, and you are unhappy because you don’t know what you want, then start looking and asking yourself lots of questions because pretty soon life will pass you by and you’ll berate yourself when you are older and the opportunity doesn’t exist any more.
This is obviously a huge topic and is at the heart of what I am currently working on with the Alter Your Jacket program, but I hope it has given you something to think about whilst thinking about the changes you want to make in your life.
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Great article Steven and wise advice throughout this. Knowing what we are truly after is what creates and reinforces that internal motivation. I think you could elaborate on the 3 aspects of logical, emotional and spiritual areas of the brain, I’m not sure where you put visual/creative aspects in that list but its key to imagine the change we want as well.
.-= Mike King´s last blog ..Affilliate Program for my eBook =-.
Hi Mike, thanks for your thoughts on this and I totally agree with you about the the visual and creative aspects and that would go in step 2 ‘Predicting Your Future’, I was trying to keep it short but packed with information as well.
This is hands down a great article Steve, though in terms of wants I find that I have so many different things I’m passionate about that I have a very difficult time choosing one thing to go after as hard as I can. Any suggestions?
.-= Justin Dixon´s last blog ..How to Make Time for Self-Improvement with a Hectic Schedule =-.
Hi Justin, thanks for your comments on the article I appreciate it.
With regards to your wants: you are in a great position if you have so many. I would say the one that is going to benefit you and others the most which ‘feels right’ is the one to go for. Not very specific I know but the only advice I can give just now
Wooow! Big topic Steve!
Most of the people I know have problems related to knowing what they want, and knowing how to get it. But they can eventually solve them. The really big problem is at the emotional level: the fear of the unknown. This one seems to be the biggest challenge. Funny how emotions seems to be our greatest way to achieve and to sabotage ourselves.
Hi Eduard. I think you’ve hit upon a very important point about emotions being our big stumbling block to us having more success in our lives.
Steven, you talked about my favorite topics and I loved the definitions you give. Core self and ideal self, spiritual, logical and emotional brain – loved those. When all three brains are aligned everything truly seems to fall into place. I usually say – align mind and soul. And everything does truly start from knowing what you want. Seems so easy. Just figure out what you truly want. In reality this is the most difficult step for most people. Great post Steven!
Hi Lana, it does seem easy doesn’t it but it’s the hardest step of all, however, once that step has been mounted it’s gets a hell of a lot easier.
Hi Steven,
This was a fascinating article for me to read because I have never quite understood why people are so afraid of change. I say this with a sense of awe because recently many people have contacted me to express their amazement at all the changes I am making in my life from moving to a new location and the project that I have been working on.
What you wrote was really informative. I do think fear is what gets in the way. I also think it is important to recognize that in order to grow and have a life that we love, we have to acknowledge the fact that learning is a constant in life. And that life is constantly in motion. Stagnation is never a good thing.
Hi Nadia, growth is one of the key factors in pushing ourselves past the limitations we have in our minds, so I think what you are doing is brilliant. You are constantly challenging yourself which in turn allows you to grow at a much quicker rate.
You must have been reading my mind. This is the exact thing I am thinking about right now – what exactly I want. I know generally what I want, but the specifics are still missing. Thanks for providing this information, it will definitely help.
.-= Jeremy Johnson´s last blog ..Fruits From The Gift =-.
Jeremy I forgot to tell you about my powers as a mind reader
It would be good to hear how you get on with the specifics. Keep in touch.
I feel fortunate that now I have a better picture of what I want in life. I’m currently in the process of deciding which way I should take to get what I want. Thanks for the practical advice!
.-= Julius´s last blog ..How to Caption Videos in YouTube =-.
Hi Julius, I am glad you know what you want, you have overcome one of the biggest obstacles to success in life.
Hi Steve,
Thanks for the post.
In general, I think that most people have not been trained to really think about what they want in life. It’s like a muscle that most of us don’t use. Instead, the focus is just on getting by.
While some people will say they are bored in life or have no interests, I think there is at least one topic (and often more) that pretty much every person could talk about with enthusiasm for hours. People just need to connect better with their passion(s). They have let it go or for whatever reason they don’t believe they can make a living from it.
I also liked when you discussed “Chunking the change.” I definitely think that a lot of people get overwhelmed when they think about all that needs to be done to achieve a goal. But if you just focus on doing something every day to make the goal a reality, it seems a lot easier to accomplish.
.-= Greg Blencoe´s last blog ..How to get your ideal boyfriend/girlfriend =-.
Greg, you are so right about the focus being on getting by, which is a real shame. Writers like yourself are addressing this which is so encouraging to see.
I don’t think it’s necessarily a case of finding a passion, just finding what you want to do in life. I think sometimes, people like ourselves tend to forget that there are others who are quite happy living their life the way they do and they don’t need direction, there are milli0ons of people who are not motivated beyond ‘getting by’, from my point of view I sometimes think ‘that’s quite sad’ but then I think, who is the most stressed me or them and it’s usually me
. I am a great believer in putting a little pressure on ourselves and giving us some stress in life to better ourselves.
Awesome topic! Finding your passion is really important. I couldn’t agree with you more about the 3 reasons many people never get to be their ideal self. I think it’s when you have figured out your ideal self and aren’t afraid to live it that you can make massive things happen. When living as your ideal self you will be able to help the maximum number of people within your area of expertise, achieve the income you desire, find or create the relationships you desire, etc.
Looking forward to the article about the 3 different aspects of your brain.
.-= Amanda´s last blog ..Tribe Syndication Community: How They Work & How They Multiply Your Online Presence =-.
Hi Amanda, it was great writing about this as it felt so right when I was writing it. There are still a few pieces of the puzzle to get but it is nearly there. The 3 parts of the brain is another exciting topic and it’s one I am always exploring and wish to expand upon a lot more. Thanks for your comments Amanda, always appreciated.
No problem Steve! I really appreciate all of the content you have here on your blog! I also look forward to connecting in Katie’s tribe!
.-= Amanda´s last blog ..Tribe Syndication Community: How They Work & How They Multiply Your Online Presence =-.
Great stuff Steve, reminds me of a video a friend of mine did recently. I got a private viewing and it was really good.
.-= Jonathan – Advanced Life Skills´s last blog ..How Our Relationships Reveal Our Beliefs =-.
bet the video was better than the article
Hi Steven,
I think the biggest hurdle to change is fear of the unknown. But the seven steps to change that you’ve highlighted are a great way to start tackling that hurdle – particularly, chunking the change (much less scary when it’s in bite sized pieces) and clearing the weeds from your path (there’s less to fear when you’ve done some clearing up). Thanks for another great post.
Topi
.-= Topi´s last blog ..I’ll walk a mile in your shoes =-.
Hi Topi. Fear of the unknown is a huge factor in why we don’t change or are not motivated to change. Thanks for your kind words Topi, I always appreciate them.
Superb post Steven and that’s been my exact experience too in that there are so many people out there who do not know what they want to do because they haven’t thought about it or they want a change and don’t know how to start. The idea is simple, just to begin! Make a start, somewhere, anywhere, you’re never gonna get it right straight up so why not just start, make some mistakes and enjoy the process.
.-= Amit Sodha – The Power Of Choice´s last blog ..69 Simple Tips To Increase Your Profile =-.
Hi Amit, it’s amazing isn’t it that so many people don’t stop to ask themselves this very simple question, what’s even more amazing is that we are not taught to ask these questions when we are younger. To ask a great question we have to have a path that will take us somewhere, to see the path we have to open our eyes. So, until our eyes are open we cannot ask the great questions in life. (that got a bit buddha’esque there, sorry about that
)
Hi Steve,
This is a great scientific breakdown of change. Really well done, practical and above all realistic. I think the intangible is the burning Desire factor. If there is a burning desire people will make the requisite changes. I am reminded of quote by John Cage that I have adopted as a personal credo: “I can’t understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I’m afraid of the old ones.” I think gives a nice twist on change.
Blessings,
rob
Hi Rob, thanks for your comments. I love the quote (another one for my collection
) Take care mate.
Steven, I loved the information about talking to the three parts of our brain. Also, as one who has been easily overwhelmed when thinking about changes, I like the idea of chunking it down into manageable pieces. And finally, the concept of bridging from the current self to the ideal self is a great one.
.-= Steve-Personal Success Factors´s last blog ..Disregard This Advice To Remain Mediocre! =-.
Hi Steve, thanks for the comments on this i really appreciate it. I will be looking to expand on all of the topics mentioned in the post in the near future.
.-= steven aitchison´s last blog ..How To Change Your Life =-.
Steven –
I really like this post. You hit the jackpot with these:
We don’t know what we want
We don’t know how to make the change
Fear of the unknown
So true and something I see with my clients all the time. Scenario 1 is so common – people who hate their work and don’t know what the alternatives are. Thanks for bringing this to life – hopefully Bob the Builder gets his property empire!
Phil
.-= Phil – Less Ordinary Living´s last blog ..How to Kick your Bad Habit for Good =-.
Hi Phil, thanks for your comments on this, a bit late I know
Bob is now a multi millionaire
Steven, thank you for this very detailed post filled with helpful pointers. It is so honest and straightforward. I especially appreciate your top three reasons why people find it difficult to change.
I would like to add that change often seems so difficult because people don’t know practical ways of getting unstuck from situations that are not motivating or supportive.
In timely synchronicity with your post, four women bloggers including myself took part in a collaborative blog project where each just published our thoughts on getting unstuck. I think our blogs dovetail very nicely with your informative post on how to change your life, and it feels good that our mutual effort is positively supporting self-growth.
Warm wishes from the mountains in Japan – Catrien Ross.
.-= Catrien Ross´s last blog ..Catrien Ross on Getting Unstuck By Gently Letting Go =-.
Hi Catrien, thanks for your comments on this, as always I appreciate your words of wisdom here.
Steven: Great post. What you said is so true that we have to really focus on determining our purpose and that means continually asking ourselves questions. As you mentioned, we have to dig until we find the answers. Many people assume that they don’t have the answers, but the reality is that we always do. We just have to keep searching until we identify them. There is nothing that compares to living a life where you are aware and pursuing your purpose.
Hi Sibyl. You are so right, we always have the answers deep inside of us and it’s a matter of having the guts to keep searching and never give up.
Steve,
This is brilliant. I love how you present different aspects of self. So I can look for gap in each part.
Just along the way on the bridge, be happy during journey. I believe we can be happy easily by creating our own definition of happiness
I understand all the above, but after changing myself, I find that I am not as happy as I am before. That is kind of very sad, isn’t it and there is no way for me to change back anymore.
Thanks a lot, Steven, for this great article! Really it’s very useful, as many of us want to change anything n our life, but do not know what or how to do. And your post make it clear how to resolve the problem. Nice!
.-= Roman Soluk´s last blog ..Do you want to become rich? =-.
Excellent article, this reminds me of the seven habits of highly effective people. Specifically habit 2 , which is to think with the end in mind. You must create the future in your mind and then break it down into small and achievable steps.
I’d like to see a response to “Scotts” comment above. Thanks
Hi Steven
Great article – just came across it even though I’ve been reading some of your articles for a while now. Another great step in knowing what we want is to simply ask the question – What do I love? It may sound simplistic but if we nourish what we love a lot of other “stuff” will fall into place and because we love it, it will grow in a pleasureable and fulfilling way.
Great article, thanks for writing it.
In fact with your permission I’d like to put it on my own blog http://www.BeInspired-blog.com. Just let me know it thats ok and I’ll let you know when its up.
Be Inspired!
Sean
Sean M Kelly recently posted..How to Harmonize with Spirit
This article has been a real eye-opener.Thank you Steve for this simple yet huge effort.I guess most of us get stuck at some point of our lives not knowing what to do further,and it requires a good deal of self realisation to change one’s life.
This is a great blog.Not only is it a spirit lifter but also helps one to recognise the powers each one of possess to transform our lives for the best…