About Tess Marshall
“Ever since there have been human beings, they have given themselves over to too little joy. That alone my friends, is our original sin. I should only believe in a God who knows how to dance.” – Henri Matisse
Don’t we all want a little more joy in our lives? Living in our chaotic world it’s easy to get caught up in every emotion but joy.
Someone who is truly joyful doesn’t get hooked into what is wrong with the world. It doesn’t mean they don’t care. It means they don’t live in fear. It’s impossible to be fearful and joyful at the same time.
Don’t allow tension, anxiety, depression or world events steal your joy.
How to feel joy and dance with life:
Call forth feelings of love and appreciation for yourself. Everybody has days when they feel unworthy of love. Think of a child you love and transfer those loving feelings to yourself. Let the warm and heartfelt feeling blanket you from head to toe.
Find pleasure in simple things. It’s easy to live a simple life when you can find appreciation for simple things. Feelings of lack come from overlooking the pleasure of a cold drink, a hug, a new book or a simple blade of grass.
Stay out of debt. Debt is one of the leading causes of emotional and psychological stress. Last year I decided to eliminate one purchase a month. In January it was designer coffee, in February it was magazines, in March it was new clothes.
How are you giving back to life? Do something altruistic and fun. This year we donated money to “Wounded Warriors” and “The Smile Train.” We are going to work with www.peanutbutterplan.org. People gather to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and then hand them out to the homeless.
Forgive yourself and others. Is someone in your life you need to forgive and can’t or won’t for some reason? Become aware of the story you tell yourself about this person. Next, drop the story. Everyone deserves another chance. Resentment is like having a ball and chain around you ankle that weighs you down. Choose to begin with a clean slate each morning.
Eliminate gossip in your life. For the next 24 hours only speak positively about others. Tiger Woods and his family is an example of gossip gone wrong. In order for Tiger to heal his life he needs our support and prayers not our gossip and insane inquiry of details.
Avoid unhappy people. Refuse to be in the presence of people who bring you down or deplete your energy. Surrounding yourself with happy and successful people sounds selfish. It’s not. It’s one of the healthiest things you can do for yourself.
Get off the pity pot. Drop your story about your past. It’s impossible to be happy if you blame others for your life circumstances. You aren’t responsible for what happened to you in your childhood. You are responsible for how you handle it today
Find hobbies that make time stand still. In our busy lives many of us don’t allow time to play or get creative. Pursuing a hobby is a joyful gift to your self.
Learn to accept constructive criticism. I was twenty two years old, out-of-control and an immature mother when my brother-in-law, Paul, looked me in the eyes and said, “you need help.” With a few months I decided to get counseling. Because I didn’t take it personally his comment changed my life.
Live by the golden rule. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Being able to put myself in another’s shoes has allowed me to be kind, generous and caring when I haven’t wanted to be. We are all on the same path doing the best we know how to do.
Choose calm over drama. It’s easy to get caught up in what is going on around you. Inner peace is being able to remain centered in any kind of difficulty.
Focus on good. Begin every morning by writing down five things that are right in your world. Today I have my health, my home, a car that runs, food in my refrigerator and people who love me. When we focus on good it multiplies.
Change your routine. We are creatures of habit. Take an alternative route to work, change your cologne and sleep on the other side of the bed. This expands creativity and allows you see things in a different light.
Radiate positive energy. Decide each morning that you will make it a great day. Choose to smile, laugh and help others. Doing so adds truth and beauty to our world.
Be open to change. If you were brave what’s one thing you would do differently? Learn to be flexible and open to the opinions of others. Notice any resistance in your life. When we can embrace change fears fade away.
Learn to say “no.” Often we say “yes” out of obligation or guilt. I have learned to say, “No, that’s not going to work for me” when someone asks me to do something I don’t want to do. I never offer an excuse. Usually after repeating the line twice the other person backs down.
Read inspiring poetry and uplifting books. You always feel better when you do. This is why “Chicken Soup for the Soul” books are best sellers.
Move your body. Being active gets endorphins going and creates feel good energy. Our bodies are built for exercising. I saw a 79 year old man finish the iron man in Hawaii for the eleventh time in a row. I’ll never forget it. We decide how much joy we experience every day. We decide weather we trudge or dance through life.
In what way do you give yourself away to “to too little joy?”
What would “understanding how to dance” look like in your life?”
What might you do to encourage others to “dance?”
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Could you not have at least changed the dates? “…as the 2009 comes to an end I rarely have any unnecessary purchases.” and “In 2010 we are going to work with …”
Beautiful,beautiful sentiments, i will incorporate a few of them into my life…. wow the dates are mere details as far i am concerned:-)
Alison,
It’s a long story! Sorry for the inconvenience. I hope you enjoyed the rest of the article.
Hi Tess!
Love this post! I especially love your comments about self-pity. There is no quicker way to a life of misery than choosing a life filled with self-pity. Joy evaporates because all our focus is on what hurts or isn’t fair or how we are misunderstood or all the injustices of life.
Your statement that we are not responsible for how we are raised but are for how we deal with it today is so true. Life can crash down on top of us, be we choose to be crushed or to be strengthened by the effort to pull ourselves out from under the rubble. That effort starts by refusing to pity our plight and get started on the work of sifting through the debris instead.
Thanks for a wonderful post chock full of insight and inspiration, Tess!
Ken,
Thank you and once we pull ourselves out of the rubble we can continue to do so and it only gets easier. Then one day we’re not pulled down at all anymore and eventually there is no rubble! Thanks for your kind words!
Awesome Post! I’m a little bias being a fitness coach but my favorite tip is “Move your body”. I was a very troubled young man growing up in Philly. Drowning in self pity blaming everyone else for the way my life was at that moment.
But it wasn’t until my girlfriend at time was pregnant that I decided to do something with myself. I was really out of shape so I figured I would start exercising.
I’ve been hooked ever since. I lost 70lbs in 4 months and I was so thrilled with the results I’ve seen I wanted to literally help everyone and their grandmother achieve the same success in their lives as well.
I’m not where I want to be in my business yet. But I happy with what I’m doing and I’m enjoying the journey. Again, thanks for this post.
James – The Fitness Coach With A Conscious
James,
What an amazing story you share! Congratulations on becoming a father and a regular exerciser! Woot woot! It’s amazing what one strong step in the right direction will do!
Good to see you here Tess.
I can support your tip about choosing calm over drama. Currently seeing a bunch of drama that could be completely avoided if the parties knew better.
Bryce,
When we know better we do better. I’d like to know what makes one know better sooner than another! It’s nice they have a wonderful teacher like you close by. Now if they could only be open to a better way!
Greetings Tess,
I’m with you when it comes to cultivating joy. When we become a center of joy, we naturally lift others up. I especially like the challenge of not gossiping for 24 hrs, learning to say “no” when appropriate, and reading uplifting material. I love these ideas and I love you too!
Sandra,
I’m grateful for your kind words and I love you too! xoxo
‘Avoid unhappy people. Refuse to be in the presence of people who bring you down or deplete your energy. Surrounding yourself with happy and successful people sounds selfish. It’s not. It’s one of the healthiest things you can do for yourself.’
I nearly choked on my bagel when I read this! I’m in the process of trying to cut the ties with an old friend who really does bring me down. It’s not easy; I don’t want to hurt her – but I totally agree that it’s something I have to do for myself. Thank you for helping to make the process a little easier!
I’ve only just found this blog and absolutely love it – will be an avid follower of it (and your site) from now on!
Thanks
Jane,
Seriously the gift is to the one you are cutting ties with. You give her space in her life for a new friendship and you do the same for yourself. Thanks for leaving a comment my new friend!
Life truly is one big playground Tess where we can play, imagine, have fun, and happily express ourselves. It releases our energies and sparks our spirit to be free so you’ve created a cracking feel good list. Personally I agree with avoiding permanently negative folks – you know, the ones with cobwebs round them? Life is too short to be glum and not long enough for all the great things we can accomplish. Let’s get the party started!
Cheers Steve for inviting Tess on to your blog to bring her brand of brilliance with her. Top Sir!
John,
Yes I don’t have room for cobwebs in my life, each crack and crevice is for juicy creativity and sparks that lead to great things. Yes let’s party now, I’m all for it;)You’re the best, just in case I haven’t told you lately!
Hi Tess,
I love all your suggestions. Thanks. And Hi to Steve also. I especially appreciate your reminder to move my body. I sometimes think my body is like a friendly faithful doggy, it just loves going for a walk, just like it just loves going to the gym for resistance training. The impulse to move comes from the core of truth in us all.
Chris,LOL a faithful doggy! I need to go reread your stuff on resitence training.My 1/2 marathon is over and I’m struggling with the gym! xoxo thanks for the inspiration.
Stay out of debt, hehe didn’t expect to see that there
, great article!
You’re funny! It’s a good one.
I avoid unhappy people like no bodies business. If you complain all day long. You wont hear from him, in this lifetime. I gotta keep my mind stationed on optimism. I can’t focus on sorry and petty sadness.
Jonathan,
Yes there is nothing that beats optimism. Nothing…well OK love does!
Hey Tess, Love is like BEYOND optimism. You can be optimistic and get really, really, ( devil horns) i mean really MAD. But if your a mother Teresa ( all love), Your smiles and giggles all day baby!
Hi Tess,
Excellent reminders. It’s funny how “joy” is often found in the simple things. It’s there if we look hard enough. I love your comment about we deciding how much Joy we can experience. “Choice” is a marvellous thing, exercise it regularly.
be good to yourself
David
David,
Had to get myself out of a Battitude today. It was disturbing my joy!
I agree with many of your sentiments here. But, really, I have to say that Tiger Woods and his family is not an example of gossip gone wrong. That is an example of Tiger Woods gone wrong. So clear out that cobweb of antiquated thinking that it’s okay for men to be unfaithful as long as no one talks about it!
Connie,
I don’t think it’s good for anyone to be unfaithful. I do think prayer, positive thoughts and forgiveness work better than gossip. Just sayin’…
David,
Yes joy is a choice, we can fill our lives with as much as we want. It’s funny we should be so light-hearted due to joy that we could fly. Are you ready? Let’s go!
Preparing for take off,
be good to yourself
David
It is best to pamper ourselves with things that could make us happy and vibrant. It would be nice that at least we enjoy things often that would alter our minds from the stresses that our lives our giving us. Just getting away from problems at work, in relationships, etc. Sometimes we just need a break from all of it and give ourselves peace from this mixed up world.
Oh yes to everything you said. We need to give ourselves several mini breaks a day away from negative thinking, our ego, etc…anytime we catch ourselves not having the best thoughts possible a few seconds can get us back on track.
Hi Tess,
Great points here. I believe that the simpler that we make our lives, reduce debt, weight, obligations and so forth the easier it begins for the mind and body to relax.
Justin,
So true…I’ve been eating too much junk lately. Eat crap…feel like crap. I’ve ended that slip and I’m back to eating with joy.
Great ideas. We would all be wise to follow these examples until they become habit. As a note, it is perfectly possible to be amongst all these things; debt, negativity, torn relationships, and every other absurdity in this world and still maintain an inner peace. I found that simply not thinking about such madness gives way to the natural flow and order, allowing life to slowly click into place. Thanks for sharing.
-Adam
I agree it is only me that disturbs my inner peace. Byron Katie’s work taught me how to be a t peace anywhere and anytime. What I would like to know is who taught Anne Frank at 12 years old???
I love this tip the most! “Last year I decided to eliminate one purchase a month.” What a great idea. I also tend to waste money on coffee, and magazines. I’ll stop those money-hoggers first!
Dehlia,
I do slide back every now and then. But hey that’s part of joy realizing I can begin again. You go girl!
Thanks for the great lovely tips, Tess. Avoiding unhappy people? May be true, may be not. I’m taking care of a depression friend and I’m facing the negative thinking, feelings all day long. Yes it’s not pleasant as it sometimes affects my mood too. But I try to look it in another way – that is to share my joy and optimism with her, instead of being influence by her negativity. Well, this is just my case. Overall, it’s still better if you can stay close with those happy people.
Taking care of someone who is ill is different than eliminating negative people in your life. I do hope your friend is seeing a profession as well. Depression can be very destructive. It can be treated even though treatment isn’t a miracle but it certainly moves the depressed person forward.
Great advice here Tess. Reminds me of that Jim Rohn statement about us being the average of the 5 people we spend most time with. I also loved the reminder about the importance of stories and how they can either serve us or zap us of our joy.
El,
Oh yes those 5 people…a good thing to remember!
Wonderful tips, Tess. Certainly Mattise is one who found an outlet to express himself joyously. His paintings exhibit a joie de vivre that that we should all aspire to express in our own unique way. I remind myself to “Dance with life” when my own creativity becomes a grind. We must learn to become aware of the shift that sneaks up on us when the Counterfeit-Self takes control. The Authentic-Self exults in simplicity and beauty – when things get complicated I’ve learned to appreciate the simple things – before I know it I am back on the dance floor with life.
Wonderful post, Tess. Finding the joy in life is what it is all about. You’ve laid out so clearly how not to waste our time on things that don’t really matter in the larger scheme of things. Well done!
Tess,
I’m thankful for this article and your site as a whole. I struggle with self pity much of the time and need to “get off of the pity pot”. I know that my ego is strong and loves to take me back into my childhood with all of it’s emotional abuse…but I’m moving forward in the present moment and I’m thankful for the journey, and all the friends I’m meeting all the way. I love you, Tess!
John
So many people are looking for inspiration and motivation today so I am delighted to find a blog that is so interesting and attractive. Keep up the good work and I look forward to future content.
I can also recommend another inspiring site at http://www.InspirationMessages.com
Hi Tess,
Very cool ideas!
I have as my motto words from the Abba song, Thank you for the Music.
“What would life be?
Without a song or a dance, what are we?”.
This makes me feel so happy and excited to pursue the things that give me my own song or dance in my heart.
Thanks heaps,
Shona.
What a comprehensive and wise list! My current favorite is “Get off the pity pot.” I’m sure that at different stages in life, some points here will resonate more than others. This post is good to keep as reference.
great post Tess
the point about staying out of dept is so true
nothing can ruin lives more than financial problems and health problems
keep it up
Great post. It’s important to enjoy the simple things in life and avoid negative people. Sometimes, life has us two-stepping and sometimes it has us slow-dancing. We can dance the dance of life using some of the tips you mentioned above
I love the point about staying away from unhappy people. I remember attending a talk by Les Brown many years ago and he referred to such people as ‘toxic’ people. These people are over-critical, they bring you down and are in general, not happy campers. He said like you suggested, stay away from such people as they will just interfere with your success and happiness.
i believe that those attitude day by day works. i am gone say those things out loud. every morning, all the potential is in me.
thanks for those words
Julien
Thanks for those tips they make lovely attitudes to live by. Gratitude, kindness forgivness. Just need to keep my mind on track and not off thinking bad thoughts as it seems to have a pattern of doing.
Thank you for the tips. Love them all especially “choose calm over drama”.