About Steven AitchisonA lot of us are living outside the circle and feeling bad about it or making ourselves miserable because of it, but I want to tell you that living outside the circle is the best place in the world to be.
What is the Circle
The circle is the place where the crowd hang out, where people who want to be in the crowd hang out, and where people who idolise the crowd hang out as well. It’s where the norm happens, it’s where people who are happy with their lot live, it’s where everybody wears the same clothes according to what’s fashionable at that particular time, it’s where a few people speak and everyone else listens attentively, it’s where trends are born and bred to be fed to the masses, it’s where people who moan but don’t act live.
Most of us have been raised in the circle, and that’s cool that’s the way it should be. However, a few of us open our eyes and see the circle for what it is and try desperately to escape, only to be ridiculed, ostracised, and treated differently for trying to introduce new ideas, speaking out loud and speaking our minds.
We get depressed, we despair, we develop mental and physical health problems all in the name of being accepted into the circle and being part of the crowd.
Do you know what – living outside the circle is fantastic, there’s no pressure to conform, no one telling us the best things to wear in our day to day lives, you can have your dreams and chase them without fear of recrimination and the best part – you start to create your own circle of supportive people, people who think like you, people who know what it means to want something different in life.
There is now a trend for people to form their own circles, and these people are at the forefront of a new movement
One foot in the circle
Of course being outside the circle does not give us an excuse to do anything we want. There are universal laws we should adhere to, the basic human laws. And of course there are laws of the land. So we will always have one foot in the main circle, which can keep us grounded and help us to communicate with others in the main circle, either to teach or to answer questions about life outside the circle.
Time to get out
This is a great time to be able to step out of the main circle and do your own thing, live life on your terms, chase your dream and help others chase theirs. Does that sound idealistic – of course it does and that’s how dreams are realised, by having an ideal and never giving up until your reach what is best for you. When others see you stepping outside the circle and living life on your own terms, others will follow you and want to learn from you, but you are not a God, and you learn as much from your followers as they learn from you. In time more and more people will form their own circle and the balance of power will shift from the main circle and give more control back to the individual, and it’s happening now.
What about you – Are you happy being in the circle or do you want to form your own circle?
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I used to hate it that I lived outside the circle… but now I know just how awesome it can be! Like you said, Steve, we all do have to keep at least one foot in. Sometimes it’s even OK to be all in, as long as that’s part of our personality. I think the trick is to make sure that, if we’re in the circle, we are there because we want to be, not because we think we should be.
Lyman Reed recently posted..Perception- Change- and Diarrhea Prevention
Hi Lyman, always great to see you over at CYT. It is great to be all in as well, and like you said as long as we are where we want to be in life, it doesn’t matter what circle we are in.
I’ve never wanted to live inside the circle! I love the idea of creating our own circles. I found this line extremely powerful:
“In time more and more people will form their own circle and the balance of power will shift from the main circle and give more control back to the individual, and it’s happening now.”
I’ve been ruminating lately on how to create change, and I see creating our own circles is one step in that direction.
Sandra Lee recently posted..Change- the environmental crisis- and the average Joe and Jill
Hi Sandra, thanks for your comments I appreciate it. Creating our own circles usually happens as a by product of going our own way and feeling comfortable with it. It’s the people that follow you and the curious that will help you create your own circle.
I have always been a non-conformist in my own way. Such as speaking, dressing and thinking and believing my own way. It started in childhood, and indeed, my nemesis from high school once told me that she always admired me because, I did my own thing, and didn’t try to be like everybody else.
I have good mentors like yourself to learn and grow with Steven. I mix with like-minded people, and can now say that I have one foot in the circle to know what’s going on, whilst living more and more my own life, and creating the life that I want.
Hi Sharon, it’s great that you felt confident enough to do your own thing from such an early age, and still living the life you want. Thanks also for your compliment, I appreciate you saying that.
Interesting article, Steven. I think with wisdom and introspection we begin to see the circle for what it is and make it a habit to want out. Millions and millions of folks are scared of new ideas — real change comes when we examine these fears. Instead of habitually being afraid of new ideas; I believe it wise to condition our mind to become “afraid” of OLD ideas.
Hi Rob, thanks for your comment. I think change comes when it is forced upon us or the pain of our current situation becomes more than the pain of a new situation. Recognising that we are frightened to change can help us deal with it better, and it seems that the people who recognise the fear of change are the ones making most changes. I love “it wise to condition our mind to become “afraid” of OLD ideas.”
Hi Steve! How does it get any better than this?!!! Once again,I go to my emails and there you are,writing about exactly what I’m going through! You and the universe really know how to collaborate:)!!!! Seriously,I just said yesterday to my son,”this guy just happens to write about something that I’m dealing with,just at the same time I’m dealing with it”!!! Loveyaseeyabye!!!!
Hi Cindy, must be cosmic fate
Thanks for the comments, I appreciate it.
Interesting article Steven, sometimes we are living the process and do not know what exactly is happening, but you are there already, and do not think about it as to name it; but for me you just did !! Living outside the circle.
“So we will always have one foot in the main circle, which can keep us grounded ….
now I see how important it is to have one foot just there!
Hi Rita, I am glad I could help you put a name on this. Thanks for your comments.
I’ve been one who always does things my own way and have found many times in my life that I am not in the circle. Depending on which circle it is that could be a very good thing. When I find value in a circle then I want to join, at to some degree because I do like living outside of the circles.
Stacy recently posted..How to Create Affirmations for Success!
HI Stacy, I think a lot of us want to be outside the main circle and it’s great that you are.
Great article, and a very creative perspective on this social dynamic. It can be easy to believe the environment we grow up in is the norm and how things should be. There is nothing to reveal to us that there is so much more out there, or that we can do something extraordinary. I guess this has to be developed through experience and growth. When we reach a point of self-contentment, where what we do is less based on fear and social acceptance, it opens up unlimited possibility and incredible opportunity.
Hi Joe, you’re right there is no formal education saying that there is more, our education comes from others who have made a life outside the circle and are thriving. This article was inspired by two such people: Chris Guillebeau and Seth Godin
Yes we get depressed, we despair, we develop mental and physical health problems all in the name of being accepted into the circle and being part of the crowd.
Human beings carve for acceptance. That is why we are ready for suffer in the name of acceptance. You have shown a new way! Wonderful! Brake the circle and live as we love to live.
Thanks
Sam
Sam recently posted..My writing career
Hi Sam, thanks for your comments I appreciate them
Steve, if I am not even aware of the circle, does that make me an outsider to the circle? I think in every way shape and form, I am because I cannot for the life of me find others who share same values and outlook on life, passions, pursuits and living life on my own terms -well, outside of blogosphere sometimes – so I think being outside the circle defines my place and it is a fantastic place to be…..After all, we can recreate the circle on our own terms and others may wish to follow in our path. Great ideas explored here!
Farnoosh recently posted..Travel like a Pro- 21 Smart and Efficient Packing Tips
Hi Farnoosh. I think you are very much outside the circle doing your own thing and forming your own circle and I am glad to a be one of your supporters.
From the very beginning, human are tribal in nature – in a sense that we have our very own circles of friends, business associates, etc. From young we have been “programmed” to stay within circles which are acceptable to society. If you stay within those circles, you’re consider as normal. Step out of it, and you are consider as “weird”.
But in our ever advancing world, coupled with the trend to “think and do things out of the box”, many are not content to be just “a normal person”. They want to step out of the “acceptable circles” and do something unique so as to stand out and be different.
I thinks this is good as long as we conform to the rules and laws of the land. After-all, we have to be dare to be different in order to achieve some success.
A great post giving me a new insight about living outside the circle.
Thanks for sharing, Steve.
Alex Yong recently posted..Doing Little Things Makes A Big Difference
Hey Alex, thanks for adding and giving your own meaning to the circles. I think the thing to remember is we are not law breakers just norm-breakers looking for something different in life. Thanks for your comments.
I have also always done my own thing. But for a while when I was a little younger and knew myself a little less I used to be tourtured by a weird conflict of wanting to fit in, but not being able to becuase I just can’t be one of the circle.
So I had to stop the tourture of the conflict by sitting myself down and deciding that it was way more important to me to be an individual with ideas, and the ability to see when I should act differently… That was the last day I ever felt bad for not being conformist…
Excellent article Steven.
Oh I wanted to add – there are also those who pretend to be outside of the circle on purpose – to attract attention. But where they really belong is inside…
Anita recently posted..Channel Four Food – First Episode Update
Hi Anita, I know exactly how you felt as I went through the same thing and I am sure many of the readers did. I once dropped my complete circle of friends when I had the realisation that I didn’t want to be part of the main circle and it was liberating and life changing.
I didn’t think about people pretending to be outside the circle, I’ll need to think about that some more.
You made me think of it now. I don’t even know what I want. Thanks for this post, Steven! As always interesting to read your posts.
Roman Soluk recently posted..Optimistic Lifestyle v20
Thanks for your comments Roman, glad it made you think about life.
I was in the circle for a long time and utterley miserable. I think it takes strength and effort to get out, but you’ll never go back!
Kate recently posted..Overcoming Fear and Taking Action
Hi Kate, you’re absolutely right, you’ll never go back once you experience leaving the circle.
I think as I grow older Steve the need to conform and be included in the circle of life has wilted. In our younger years we yearn to find our feet and identity and are anxious to fit in so all manner of circles especially social ones attract our attention. But as we get to know and become comfortable with ourselves the artifical nature of circle living comes full circle and we opt to move in different circles of our choosing (sorry lots of puns there). Or simply we just live as ‘me’ and let everyone worry about what that means. Yes, I think I’ll do that!
John Sherry recently posted..Go On Have A Go
Hi John, you’ve made a few really important points here.
As we get older we become more comfortable in our own skins and therefore disregard what the circle has to say, when we get to this point we tend to leave the circle mentally. After this we find that we have formed our own circle without realising it and then become more conscious of what that means.
Also your point about ‘just live as ‘me’ and let everyone worry about what that means’ is a great one. That’s a sure sign that you are forming your own circle without intention, which is the best way to do it I believe.
Thanks for adding to this John, some great insights.
Hi Steven. Interesting post (of course!)
I think I was kinda forced out of the circle when I first became ill 6 years ago. And for the first couple of years all I wanted to do was get back in the circle! However, as time as gone on and my health continues to improve I am trying to create the circle that I want rather than go back to the old circle. At the risk of sounding like a massive cliche, in a lot of ways I feel lucky that I have had this experience.
The world is a very different place to me now and I’m not sure I would have reached this place in my old circle. I’m still not exactly sure what my new circle looks like. But what a great privilege to be creating one. My new circle is going to rock!
Karen recently posted..Desperately seeking Kudos
Hi Karen, what a great story. It’s not so great that you became ill, but out of your illness you got a little more insight into yourself and it seems to have made your stronger because of it.
Your new circle is rocking already Karen, thanks for sharing this.
Hi Steve,
I have always found strength outside of the circle. For me being in the circle limited my influence to what others thought of me based upon the material things I owned. As I have grown younger
I realized that there is strength in creating your own identity or making your own brand. Therefore you have the power to POSITIVELY influence others instead of belittling others for being less fortunate.
Frank recently posted..Selling The Product
Frank, this is a great summation of what I was writing about. Your wiser head coupled with your young outlook in life is a great place to be inside your circle, to be able to influence other positively.
Never been in the circle, although I visit friends there. I have to bend myself out of shape to reside there and then I get back ache.
Hi Rosie. Never thought for a minute that you would have lived in the circle
you’re a perfect example of someone who has created their own circle by being themselves and having others follow you into your circle and leading by example.
Hey Steve, my thought is get out of that circle because it is full of mediocrity, compromise, and limiting beliefs. My whole life experience has been spent outside the box (circle) and I wouldn’t want it any other way.
Jonathan – Advanced Life Skills recently posted..Is Emotional Planning the Key to a Great Day
Hi Jonathan. You’re another great example of someone who is leading by example and I know you have many devoted followers. the great thing about yourself is that you are teaching all that you have learned about living outside the circle and passing it on to others.
Hi to all -
I am just now stepping outside the circle. I have lived my life in it and now at age 52 I find that I want more. In fact, I just plain need more. Have you ever just been driven from within to change? To throw what you know to the wind and open yourself to something new?
Soul Searcher
Hi Kim, you are extremely lucky in that you have realised that you want more in life, essentially woken up to yourself. Being driven from within to change is the best leverage you can give yourself to make the change and by throwing yourself to the wind, trusting your instincts, you will lead an extraordinary life. It may not always work out the way you planned, but that’s the best thing about being in your own circle, it doesn’t have to go as planned.
Hi Steve! I could be happy in the circle or outside the circle. Outside the circle is great because there is more room to create with freedom. On the other hand, inside the circle offers the challenge to create a trend and shake up the establishment. When we are authentic, we can be happy in both settings.
I love your idea of having one foot in the circle and stepping out when we are ready. Great post! Thanks for challenging my thoughts.
Loving blessings!
Andrea DeBell – britetalk recently posted..Are We All Connected Take a Fool Proof Test
Hi Andrea. It’s great you are comfortable in the two circles, as you say you may have more opportunities to influence others. I think it’s good to communicate with the circle but not to try and influence but just be there for others who have questions about being outside the circle, the influence comes from your success. The more successful you are, and by that I mean the more happier you are, the more people will come to you, curious about what makes you different and how they can emulate your success. Work on your own success and you will have more curious people coming to you.
thanks for making me think a little more about this.
Have been out of the circle for a long time now. And sometimes it does makes one wonder if there is something wrong with you since you are out of the circle.
It’s much easier for people to accept others who are a part of the circle. And if you are not a part of the circle, then you get labelled as an outcast who does not adhere to the “normal” way of doing things like everyone should be doing.
Hi Kevin, you’re right, it’s a tough existence when you first step outside the circle. As long as you immerse yourself in the success of ‘you’ and help others along the way, those thoughts about being an outcast will die pretty quickly.
I’ve been always sitting outside the circle, watching how the circle live their life. Sometimes i doubt that whether i should be more ‘open’ and act like them so i can be part of the circle. But as you said, being outside the circle can be great. After all, there’s no harm staying true to myself and be different right?
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter.” Niki Hettinga. Thanks Steve, your article makes me feel better.
Hi Noel, I am glad this article made you feel better.
There’s a danger of living outside the circle and not doing anything about the gift you have been given, which is free thinking. If you don’t do anything with your life and just look inside the circle all the time, then it’s going to be hard and can lead to depression as I mentioned. Once you start creating a life for yourself on your terms then it gets much more interesting. So I would say don’t sit and look in on the circle, walk away and start doing something that you feel defines who you are.
Hi Steve,
Just ordered your 2 books from Amazon- 100 ways to develop yr mind and 101 energy booster.I know I’m going to live it. About this circle, my husband and i have always been immuned to these circles. We do not feel that we have to conform to certain standards just because other people are having it and doing it. And we’re happy the way we are. You’re right. We are starting to find people who thinks similarly like us and it’s great!
Hi Hasseenah, thank you so much for purchasing some of my books, you pushed them up the ranking a bit
That’s great about you and your husband and I would say having a partner who is supportive and thinks the same way is a great help.
How dare you all think you can live outside the circle.Those upstanding pillars of society dedicating their lives so you can live in the circle,you ingrates.
How dare you dress like you want,dont you realise that company directors the world over are working thier fingers to the bone so you can have a large brand name written on your chest or head.If this kind of individualistic behavior carries on, next thing you will be after FREEDOM and then where would we be??
hi………….Interesting article Steven………tnxx
Steven:
The excitement… the liberty… It just feels darn good running around the circle saying, “Duck… Duck… Duck…”
Keep writin’ Steven!
Roy Pickron
I really like your website.. this encourages me to have positive thoughts and also positive attitudes. Please keep writing Steven… i will be your loyal reader..