14 Great ways to be miserable

I have finally come to the conclusion that some people like to be miserable, that they actually feel happier when they are miserable. I’m sure that is an oxymoron, but I am guessing you know the kind of people I mean and we’re on the same page. I like to think that I align with people’s belief systems rather than trying to change them, so I thought it was remiss of me not to offer advice to those folk that think wallowing in self-pity and gloom makes for a great day out. Of course I understand that this doesn’t apply to you, but if you know somebody who likes to work on feeling bad about things, please feel free to help them out by passing on these handy tips on. If you’re ready to step it up in the misery stakes I’m ready to help so get that frown in place, have a quick grumble about the Government, mutter that kids today have got no respect and let’s get on with the business in hand.

  1. Always whine and complain about stuff that is out of your control. Great examples are the weather, other people’s actions and the housing market. Don’t ever miss an opportunity to remind people that life is much worse and much harder than they think it is. Then drive home your point by giving them a long list of examples of stuff that is wrong with the world and why it was better during the depression/war/60′s* (* delete where applicable).

  2. Keep up to date on celebrity culture. We all know that celebrities lead charmed, perfect lives. They don’t ever get sick; they have lots of money and are all perfectly balanced human beings. Read up on them, yearn to be them and above all idolize them as the gods they are. Never forget that your life is a meaningless travesty compared to theirs.

  3. Be a martyr and never ever put your own needs first. Make sure that you put your spouse, kids even the mail mans happiness above yours. These people are far more important than you, so show them that by neglecting yourself. Don’t worry if you get sick and die because that will just cement your position in the Martyr’s Hall of Fame.Berate yourself often. If you make a mistake, tell yourself. You know you’re a jerk so tear yourself off a strip and do it in as an aggressive and condescending manner as possible. If you ever find yourself saying nice stuff internally, back up, delete it, and then say something along the lines of “You half-wit who the hell do you think you are?”

  4. Judge others. Don’t listen to people that say you can’t judge a book by a cover. You haven’t got time to read books so how else are you supposed to make up your mind than glancing at the cover? If they are fat then they eat too much, if they smoke they are stupid and if they are out of work then it’s obvious they’re lazy. Soldiers, surgeons and athletes have to make rapid decisions so why not you?

  5. Keep updated on local news. Make sure you know who has murdered whom and more importantly, which drug-crazed lunatic is on the rampage in your neighborhood. Don’t go to bed feeling cheerful when you can watch stories about the worsening economy, rising crime rates and foot tapping politicians hanging around in public bathrooms.

  6. Eat junk food, drink lots of beer and never exercise. Fresh fruit and vegetables are for wusses that are scared to eat a triple pounder deluxe with extra bacon and 62 different kinds of cheese. Those same wusses probably can’t knock back 10 beers a night and an 18″ pizza. A good diet and exercise can help you feel good mentally and look good physically. Who needs that I ask you? Stick to your guns and ignore those fitness fascists like the plague. After all, if you get fit you have to stay fit and that requires time, time that you need to watch TV.

  7. Watch more TV. If you are watching 8 hours per day that’s not enough, edge it up a bit. Aim for a diet of reality TV, local news, soap operas and anything that humiliates people. Avoid programmes that are remotely informative like the plague, so PBS and anything on the BBC is right out, and anyway they’re probably run by commies.

  8. Refuse to see other people’s point of view. If you have an opinion, stick to it. You’ve spent years fine-tuning your belief system so hang on to it for grim death. Nobody likes a fickle, weak-willed, flip-flopper so don’t let something as simple as contrary evidence persuade you that you could be wrong. Even if you realize you are wrong, bat on regardless and look confident. If that doesn’t work, shout a lot.

  9. Catastrophize. You haven’t had a bad day at work you’ve had a nightmare. You haven’t been sick you have been violently sick. You haven’t got a tough boss; you’ve got the boss from hell. Get the message? If something is worth feeling bad about then it’s worth feeling really, really bad about. Never use expressions like “It’s not so bad” or “There was a silver lining” They will only serve to lessen the impact of negative events and we need to ramp them up. When you get really skilled at this you can slip phrases like “I was violently sick and my boss from hell made my day an absolutely nightmare” into any conversation with aplomb.

  10. Waste time e-mailing people to complain about stuff that’s nothing to do with you. Don’t read a book or do some work, don’t even relax or walk the dog. Get on your computer and look for something that you can feel indignant about. Get your blood pressure and heart rate up and then shoot off a scathing e-mail. Celebrate with a cigarette, a double espresso and a small heart attack.

  11. Play the lottery. You know you’ll never have much money as things are; so base your future plans on the 1 in 100 million possibility that you can win the big one. If you normally spend $5 per week don’t forget to increase that to $25 when there is a rollover. Let’s face it, you’d struggle to cope on the $10m that is the weekly prize, you really need that $100m mega rollover. Unfortunately for you though, there are part-time players that can’t cope with the normal prize either and jump on your bandwagon when the pot gets that big. In such cases you need to buy lots more tickets. This can be a double-whammy for misery seekers everywhere if you keep a log of what you spent. At the end of the year, add it all up and ponder what you could have bought with the $1000 or so you wasted. Better still; ask a financial expert how much that money would have worth been in 10 years time if invested properly.

  12. Drift into your job. Never, ever have a career plan! Take a job that pays ok money and then spend every day despising it. Don’t worry; you have another 8 or so waking hours to do good stuff. Well I say 8 hours, I guess by the time you have done the shopping, cleaned the house, driven to work, done the finances, worked any overtime and all that other good stuff it’ll be more like 4 or 5, but who’s counting?Consolidate your debts. This is a no-brainer. Don’t have 3 or 4 small debts here there and everywhere paying 8% on each, get one huge debt and pay 15%. It makes sense, you haven’t got time to manage 3 or 4 debts, Jerry Springer is on! When you’ve signed up for the consolidation asks your friend the financial adviser how much extra interest you’ll be paying over the next 62 years. Make sure you’re sat down with a large brandy, some smelling salts and a defibrillator to hand when he answers you.

  13. Understand you’re worthless without a degree. In the history of the world, nobody has ever been successful without first doing well at school. It’s actually illegal in most countries. If you haven’t got at least one degree you are unemployable in anything other than flipping burgers. Give up trying to get a decent job now to avoid future disappointment.

  14. Don’t accept compliments. If somebody compliments you on something you need to find out what they’re after. They couldn’t possible be genuine they are trying to manipulate you, don’t rest until you find out what it is. Nobody ****** down your back and tells you it’s raining.Give up. Try, try and try again said Robert The Bruce. Well yeh, great advice if you’re a spider Bob. Spiders only have one thing to do and that’s, spin webs. You have billions of things to do so if something gets tough, quit on it and move onto something that gives immediate gratification.

Hopefully now you know some great ways to make you even more miserable than you were before, good luck with your endeavors. I guess some people reading this would prefer to be happy and for those sorry souls I suppose you could do just the opposite. The choice is yours.

About the author

tim brownson life coachTim Brownson is a qualified English born Life Coach, NLP Master Practitioner and Hypnotherapist. He is based just outside Orlando, Florida but coaches people all over the US and UK. His time is split between telephone and face-to-face coaching helping people fulfill their potential and get more out of life. If you like this article you’ll like his blog at www.adaringadventure.com/blog

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  1. Hello,
    My name is Cheryl and I live in the United States. Last year I nearly died due to a brain tumor that was undiagnosed for about ten years. I suffered from clinical depression as the location of the tumor was on my frontal lobe.

    As I rise from the ashes of my crumbled life, I am sharing encouraging thoughts, prayers, music, and other posts on my blog. I am a Born Again Christian.
    http://weepingintodancing.wordpress.com/
    I hope you check it out.

    You can read about my personal journey by selecting CATEGORY on the right of the homepage. Then scroll down to ABOUT ME. I have pictures posted of myself right after surgery and present day. My recovery was quick with the Lord’s help.
    Cheryl Zelenka recently posted..WE ARE REFINED IN THE FURNACE OF AFFLICTION

  2. So i came across this and thought this is just some bullshitter who doesn’t understand mental health.

    untill i read about him “Tim Brownson is a qualified English born Life Coach, NLP Master Practitioner and Hypnotherapist. He is based just outside Orlando, Florida but coaches people all over the US and UK. His time is split between telephone and face-to-face coaching helping people fulfill their potential and get more out of life.”

    I thought how on earth can someone “qualified” as you be talking like this, you know people with low self esteem, depression or those who just feel sad most of the time don’t enjoy feeling like that, but it’s beyond their control. It’s meant to be your job to coach them so they can reach their potential in life. Allthough am not sure how you do that.

    I guess you just have a certificate that proves your ignorance.

    I am a Psychology student who understands those people so stop judging them before you understand what’s going on their lives.

  3. Get afflicted with tinnitus, should outta make you miserable for a while.

  4. I suffer from horrible depression, and I could see how someone at rock bottom could be offended by this, but to be honest, I really liked it! That is probably because I am coming out of depression and trauma that I have had from childhood. You have to laugh at it, otherwise, you will cry and be miserable about it even longer. I feel sad for people that find this blog of satire offensive. They need more help than a funny blog could ever offer, but the mind is very powerful and you have to WANT to stop feeling sad in order to do something about it. Which is a vicious circle when you are very sad/hurt because by it’s own definition, sadness/depression makes you not want to do anything about it, making it even worse.

    Love to anyone so hurt that they are offended by this post. I have been there before.

    Thanks from me for the laughs.

  5. I TOTALLY agree with steve and can’t believe no-one else finds this article insensitive, at the very least.

    mr brownson begins:
    ‘I like to think that I align with people’s belief systems rather than trying to change them’
    - ha, whatever. even by the end of the sentence, when he describes unhappy people as ‘wallowing in gloom’, he’s exhibiting absolutely NO empathy for anyone feeling unhappy. this is total, transparent, hypocrisy – how can someone claiming to be empathetic be so uncompassionate? HE, not unhappy people, is the one ‘refus[ing] to see other people’s point of view’, the one ‘judg[ing] others’.

    i’m not severely depressed, but i am unhappy, and i don’t smoke, follow celebrities, watch too much TV, eat junk food, copmlain about things out of my control, etc etc, but am constantly struggling with negative thoughts and judgement. i would give anything to have a more postive outlook on life and am trying, slowly, to forge it for myself.

    This article is patronising and makes anxiety, depression and even just feeling down sometimes seems like a failure of incompetent human beings. it is smug and completely unempathetic. it mocks all unhappy people by lumping them together in a total, unrealistic, and yes, hilariously idiotic caricature.

    (oh, and ‘drift into a career’? not having a burning ambition, wanting to take the time to explore options, makes you an idiot, does it?)

    this article goes way beyond criticising unhealthy behaviour to criticising anyone who, for whatever reason, anyone who exhibits it.

    i believe only a few things he has mentioned are causes, rather than symptoms, of unhappiness, and he would do better to actually think why people are unhappy rather than mock easy and overblown targets.

    dividing people into ‘us’, the rational, happy ones, and ‘them’, the sad, ridiculous ones, is unfair, inaccurate and cruel. where are compassion, love, and support? – the things that, surely, instead of cruel, mocking judgement, are crucial for creating a happy, inspiring and better world.

  6. Tim:)

    You have just made my day! haha. the list is so funny, and it is great.
    When you can laugh at such ideas…you are healthy already!

    there is just one point- politics. I know that people say that by checking out what happens around the globe you just simply make yourself miserable. But by knowing how does the world look like and what is needed you just know what to do.

    stay happy
    Ciao!
    M.
    Marcia recently posted..Hello world!

  7. Hubby was telling me I should send this to the most positive people I know on April Fools day. All those silly positive people take their positive attitudes so seriously.

  8. I love this one! Made my day.. Soo funny

  9. Thank you for this article. I actually do know people who love being miserable and justifying their misery. It was a shock to me to find out that people willingly love to suffer, and have a stupid idea of martyrdom and self sacrifice. It’s worse when they want others to follow their flawed beliefs. I have come to realize that nothing you say or do will ever change them, not even an article like this. Unless by some miracle, they wish to change.

    To those who don’t get it, this is not about those who suffer from depression. ( I know ‘cos I used to have depression and I don’t use it as an excuse. I hate being depressed and I do my darnedest to get out of it. It’s tough, but I don’t wallow in my misery and enjoy it.) And it is not about those who are in bad circumstances and can’t help it. The people that this article refers to, they are the ones that actually make a mockery of people who truly suffer.

    Honestly, maybe some of them do have underlying problems, (like self delusion/ undiagnosed depression/ self esteem issues) but most of us try to change or cope when something makes us unhappy. Or get help, which these folk refuse to do.

  10. sadfatso says:

    Some good tips here. I do most of them already but one or two will come in handy. Now I can be miserable much longer. Thanks!

  11. Ha Ha Great… If you do the ‘opposite’ of all of these then you’ll have another article, on how to be happy! Works on sooo many levels!

  12. you have some valid points here but I have to say a lot depends on the area/environment you live in!
    E.G. People in spain suffer less from depression than people in sweden or germany

  13. LOL haha Go fuk yourselves!!!

  14. LOL! Thanks Big Man and of course you’re absolutely right. I work with people suffering from depression regularly and I would never belittle it. The people I am taking a dig at are those that whine for no other reason, than because they can.

    Cheers
    Tim

  15. Chill out Steve. I don’t think Mr Brownson is trying to have a go at people who suffer depression.

    I read the post thinking he was just trying to be funny and scarcastically give people a bit of advice about being a bit more positive. The guy is a life coach so I would take the post with that in mind.

    Keeping up to date and playing the lottery are in some ways negative things to do. I believe he is trying to encourage us to focus our thoughts on more positive things. At least that’s what I took from it.

  16. You are an idiot. Speaking as one who suffers from severe depression, how do you know this is how I want to be?? I would absolutely love to wake up every morning feeling good and happy. But apparently you think I somehow enjoy being depressed, enjoy having a crippling mental illness. How dare you say I enjoy it when you’ve never been in my shoes? …. You talked about some negative characteristics that probably exist in the population. I absolutely do not believe that people who exhibit these characteristics do so because they want to bring themselves down. Most likely they realize they are taking part in negative habits, but use them to find distractions from the pain of everyday life. When my depression gets to me, I find the best thing is to occupy my mind with anything but the misery, as im sure most depression sufferers have realized. When a person is being psychologically crushed, they will gladly take any activity which takes their mind off the pain, even if it is a negative habit or waste of time, such as watching TV or writing to forums :P Again, I believe most people who are “miserable” are trying to help themselves, not dig themselves in deeper because they “feel happier when they are miserable”. With the example of people who work jobs they hate, did it occur to you that these people might not have a choise about what job they have? Most people who work jobs they hate do it because they can not find any other work, and it is the only way to feed their families. Not because they want to be unhappy, as you theorise. In summary, I find it offensive that you pass judgement on people when you could never understand what it is like to be them, and I believe your cause-effect logic is incorrect.

  17. Excellent read ;)

    You have a very amusing way of writing and those things are so true!

  18. 15. Have a sense of humour bypass? (especially irony http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irony ) :)

    I find having a sense of humour really detrimental to the serious business of being miserable :( :)

  19. “Understand you’re worthless without a degree. In the history of the world, nobody has ever been successful without first doing well at school. It’s actually illegal in most countries. If you haven’t got at least one degree you are unemployable in anything other than flipping burgers. Give up trying to get a decent job now to avoid future disappointment.”

    No one in history? Wow. That’s depressing. You know, since the modern degree system of colleges and universities is a relatively new thing in the last 500 years or so.

    I guess Ben Franklin was a bit of a failure though. He only founded a university, never attended one. Hmmmm…

    Seems to me all the folks with degrees at my work, work for a guy whose formal training is as a welder. Pity he isn’t a success.

  20. One more thing… You might want to add “Blame everyone else for the things that are wrong in your life. That way you never need to take ownership of your problems, they’ll never go away, and you will never have to suffer the happy.”

  21. Before I even read this I had a person in mind that I think is miserable. After reading each rule I found myself saying “Yep, that’s him!”. Brilliant!

  22. So true. I especially like the one about watching the local news. Seriously, I live in Central Florida, and it is depressing. Thanks for the laugh.

    Josh Boldman
    http://www.joshboldman.com

  23. One thing you forgot, only choose to attempt tasks in which you are sure for failure!!! That way, you will never be successful and will add infinitely to your reasons to whine and complain about things.

  24. Great point on Always whine and complain about stuff that is out of your control. I hate to listen to people complain about simple stuff, that’ really spoilt my day.

  25. tbh i think my mates who worked instead of going straight into college did better (in a good way) they had more life experience. i was green going into the working world and even with college ended up minimum wage in my field like everyone else (they like to keep that a secret in college too, that you wont earn more than the next guy with no degree)

    there’s waaaaaaaay to much emphasis put on college. the college makes you think you’re going to just fall into a job when it finishes which is not the case at all and its really not for everyone.

  26. Thanks for the inspiration to add a few more here guys. http://www.adaringadventure.com/blog/wordpress/?p=332

  27. Thank you!
    It would be super encouraging if it weren’t for the fact that I’m a loser, who has never been to school, have to “work for a living”, I have untold scores of illnesses and infirmities and the BOSS FROM HELL! It must be nice to have the charmed life of a blogger!

    btw – I believe that Sarcasm is a dying art, that should be nurtured!

  28. Courtney I says:

    How about…refuse attempts at jokes or light-heartedness by other people. When everyone else is laughing, have a brief but angry outburst about how “now is not the time for jokes!!” or that you “are not in the mood!!” because of your violent illness and boss from hell and nightmare day. This should bring down the laughter level in your environment, and may even incite people to pay attention to you and why you are having a nightmare day. Spread the misery!! Your priorities are important, and it’s time for other people to realize that there is NO TIME FOR FUN!

  29. “Eat junk food, drink lots of beer and never exercise”- this would definitely make your life miserable. your article could help some people who are bored in their lives and they want to make it miserable for a change.. :)

  30. that’s me, but misery loves company, so i should at least have a lot of friends.

  31. Steve, I like it! Also remember when one-uping the stories don’t have to be true. Make stuff up and then contradict yourself and look even more ridiculous when you’re found out.

  32. This is one of the funniest things I’ve seen all day. Don’t forget to be a Know-It-All or a 1-upper. Ever time someone tells a story, try to 1 up them with a better story. That is a great way to be miserable!

  33. This one is for the ages! Thanks so much…

Trackbacks

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  2. [...] I said it. I think the real reason America is doing so bad is because the majority of Americans are miserable. And, I think they are miserable because they are waiting around for someone to be their savior. [...]

  3. [...] is the important message:  stories don’t have to be true.  There’s nothing wrong with that.  There would be precious little art or music or [...]

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  8. [...] Okay… so, I guess now I’m about to get carried away, and could probably go on ad infinitum, but you get my drift, so I’ll STOP. The bottom line, as Life Coach Tim Brownson says, is “some people just like to be miserable.” [...]

  9. [...] Okay… so, I guess now I’m about to get carried away, and could probably go on ad infinitum, but you get my drift, so I’ll STOP. The bottom line, as Life Coach Tim Brownson says, is “some people just like to be miserable.” [...]

  10. tifi says:

    [...] yay! I went out daily and just enjoyed being alive and healthy even though there is plenty else to make me miserable. I’m here. I’ve been spending a lot of time baking, and trying new recipes which has [...]

  11. [...] Don’t accept compliments. If somebody compliments you on something you need to find out what they’re after. They couldn’t possible be genuine they are trying to manipulate you, don’t rest until you find out what it is. Nobody ****** down your back and tells you it’s raining.Give up. Try, try and try again said Robert The Bruce. Well yeh, great advice if you’re a spider Bob. Spiders only have one thing to do and that’s, spin webs. You have billions of things to do so if something gets tough, quit on it and move onto something that gives immediate gratification. Hopefully now you know some great ways to make you even more miserable than you were before, good luck with your endeavors. I guess some people reading this would prefer to be happy and for those sorry souls I suppose you could do just the opposite. The choice is yours. About the author Tim Brownson is a qualified English born Life Coach, NLP Master Practitioner and Hypnotherapist. He is based just outside Orlando, Florida but coaches people all over the US and UK. His time is split between telephone and face-to-face coaching helping people fulfill their potential and get more out of life. If you like this article you’ll like his blog at Orlando Life coaching, Orlando Stress management, Career & Business development Coach. A Daring Adventure Source [...]

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