The scars you can’t see are the hardest to heel. They are the deepest and often the most painful. The reason is because we do not understand them, and as humans, we crave to understand. We crave to understand our own lives and the world around us… and when we don’t… we suffer from a feeling of conflict and uncertainty which only serves to exasperate the already existing pain.
Sometimes, we hurt for reasons that we are well-aware of; heart-break, job-loss, conflict with a loved one. We understand our hurt. It doesn’t take away the pain, but we understand why we feel it, and deep down somewhere within us, we also know that time will heel us; that eventually, we will overcome the pain.
When we feel a sadness, or anger, or hurt where we cannot identify the source, the pain is multiplied. It is multiplied because when we don’t understand why something has arrived, how can we ever understand when and if it will ever depart. We feel helpless. How can we cure something that was never diagnosed?
The pain that we do not understand is the sharpest of all pains.
Unfortunately I have no magic solution. However, the best advice that I can offer is to seek awareness. Seek to understand yourself; your feelings; your emotions. Seek to understand their drivers and their manifestations. Become present.
Awareness and understanding, like any other attitude, is a choice. It is also a habit. The more we do it, the more natural it feels and the easier it becomes.
When we begin to better understand ourselves; our feelings, our emotions and where they are coming from, we find ourselves feeling more in control. We find ourselves feeling calmer from a sense of understanding that we previously lacked. And even if there is no ‘solution’, that awareness and understanding provides solace in and of itself.
How do you do it and were do you start? All it takes is one choice, made every day, to be present. Become a spectator of your own life. Notice your surroundings when you are feeling energized, and notice when you are feeling drained. Notice the people that make you feel alive, and the ones with whom you feel defeated. Notice the situations that calm you down, and those that make you tense. Become aware of the circumstances that make you angry, and those that make you kind. Perhaps most importantly, adjust accordingly. Invite more of the positive people into your life, and distance yourself from the toxic. Seek out situations where you feel energized and alive, and avoid those where you feel defeated and beaten. Create the environments that make you calm and kind and avoid those that make you tense or anxious.
The unseen scars are the hardest to heel, but they need not remain in the dark.