Psychology

Conquering Fear

The enemy is fear. We think it is hate; but, it is fear.~Gandhi~

We are often warned not to push anyone into a corner because that is when they fight their best and most vicious battles.

A cornered creature, man or animal, is dangerous, even vicious. That is the point at which one loses all fear. We become fearless when we lose that which we value the most. Because, when that happens, the rest doesn’t really seem to matter as much. And, we also realize the futility of having lived in fear of losing something that is now beyond reach.

conquering_fearWe need to understand that we could possibly have been able to enjoy the finer intricacies of our object of desire much more if we hadn’t lived in constant fear of losing it. When we lose it, we see the futility of all the anxiety, the heartburn over it. We start looking for and finding ways of living without it. And the human mind and spirit, amazingly resilient as they are, discover reasons and conviction for why we are better off without that which is now lost.

That is the point at which you start enjoying the positive aspects of fearlessness. For, when you fear nothing, nobody can manipulate you anymore. You would be your own person and not dependent on anyone for your happiness or peace of mind. Your best bouts of courage are reserved for times when you have nothing to lose.

Fear in relationships

In relationships, most manipulations occur because we hand over the weapon of our fear to be used against us to those we love most. A lover is able to manipulate his beloved’s emotions by threatening withdrawal of love and care. He will sulk, not talk or withdraw caring gestures “”  all the things that a loved one values. So you give in, bow to the will of the lover, and make compromises, all for fear of losing that which is cherished.

On the other hand, if the lover overplays his hand and carries on the withdrawal act beyond a point, the beloved may finally get used to the idea of rejection and taking the loss as an accomplished fact, and lose all fear in the relationship.

Fear of losing leaves you impotent not just in relationships but also in everyday situations such as your work life, with friends or relatives and even with strangers. It extends beyond material things to prestige, respect, happiness, peace of mind, etc.

Fear in life

At work, how often we let people get away with delivering shoddy work, doing an injustice to someone or cheating us just because we fear losing our peace of mind over an altercation?? We allow incompetent people to underperform for fear of creating a situation and so losing our calm.

In financial situations, fear of loss makes us lose money! In the ’60s, reportedly a couple who invested big time in a single stock, PepsiCo, saw a major portion of their money vanish as the market took a downslide. This scared them so much that they not just dumped Pepsi, but never bought a single share after that. If they had only overcome that fear of loss, the same portion in PepsiCo would have been worth $3 million by now!

For courage is not just required for doing battle, but also for maintaining a sense of calm, for making money, for living a good life “” in short for everything.  The “˜fight or flight’ syndrome kicks in irrespective of the fact whether the thing we fear losing is physical, mental or a financial threat.

Those who can learn the trick of transcending this fear of loss, would find the courage to enjoy that which they love most while they still retain it. What is needed, rather than running away or controlling or suppressing or any other resistance, is understanding fear; that means, watch it, learn about it, come directly into contact with it. We are to learn about fear, not how to escape from it.

Think of the worst that can possibly happen. Get used to the idea and accept it. From there on, things can only get better”¦ and you can acquire courage even as you retain the object you feared losing, for you fear that no more. You know loss is a possibility and you are moving ahead with that in mind.

You can conquer almost any fear if you will only make up your mind to do so. For remember, fear doesn’t exist anywhere except in the mind. ~Dale Carnegie~

About the author

Zeenat Merchant-Syal

Zeenat Merchant Syal is a Practicing Counseling Psychologist & Naturopath with degrees in Motivational and Counseling Psychology. She also holds degrees in various fields of Holistic and Naturopathic Medicine.
Her Blog "Positive Provocations" focuses on Positive Thinking through HealingtheMind, Body, Heart &Soul-Trying to heal the world one blog post at a time-Spreading Positivity, Motivations, Inspiration, Love & Happiness.
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