Personal Development

Ask The Coach 12 – Building Your Self Esteem

Written by Ayo Olaniyan

This is the  twelfth session of Ask The Coach. The main aim of this weekly session is to ask you, the reader, to ask a question to the coach by posting a comment on this post and each week myself and Ayo Olaniyan will attempt to help you by answering your question.

Question from  Des answered by Ayo.

**Please note this is an edited version of the question**

I suffer from depression and low self esteem. People don’t want to associate with me or take me seriously when I do anything. I feel I have a lot to offer”¦”¦”¦

building_self_esteemHello Des,

Thanks for your question on “˜Ask The Coach.

There are several issues raised in the question you asked but they are associated with a) low self esteem and b) depression.

I suggest you read that article written on the eleventh session of “˜Ask The Coach’, which focuses on   How to Deal With Depression.

This post will focus on a few ways to develop/build your self esteem.

Self Esteem refers to the overall beliefs, opinions you have about yourself; the value you place on yourself as an individual, your ability to cope and derive pleasures (happiness) from the basic challenges of life.

While Low Self Esteem, refers to your negative perception of who you are accompanied with the feelings of being inadequate, incompetent, unloved etc.

Once these views become accepted and established in your thoughts or mind, the negative view of self would revolve around every sphere of your life, producing faulty assumptions and an ongoing self-defeating behaviour.

The aim of this post is to slightly alter your way of thinking and suggest simple ways of building your self esteem. The benefit of having a list is to identify point’s exclusive to you and make choices to start developing new ones.

I hope these tips (points) would provide varied suggestions were you can pick out one or two aid in boosting your self esteem.

In no particular order, here are a few ways to build your self esteem:

  • First of all, YOU ARE ……………….(mentally put your name in the blank spaces). Your name distinguishes you from others, it gives you a unique identity and if you bear the same names with other people you definitely don’t have the same features, skin colour, height, eyes etc
  • Once you’ve understood the principle of being unique, it’s now time to accept and appreciate who you are (a human with emotions, feelings, imperfections etc)
  • Whilst it’s great to accept who you are, you must also BE OPEN TO POSITIVE CHANGES.
  • Be secured and comfortable in who and what you are.
  • Discover your creativity and identify what you are good at. It builds your self confidence and motivates you to take action. (In your question, you mentioned you had a lot to offer, I am asking what it is.)
  • Find out your purpose. Am I living life not caring about the positive or negative consequences? Lay down in specific terms what you want to achieve in your life. Never aspire to have unrealistic expectations because its end result is low self esteem, depression…
  • Know what you want for your life.
  • Be moderately proactive and plan carefully for what you want to achieve in life.
  • Stop comparing yourself to others with a notion of self defeat or underachieving.
  • Believe in your dreams because they will take you beyond your wildest imaginations.
  • Work hard in everything/anything you do because the result of success is sweet.
  • Show a sense of determination not aggravation to succeed in whatever you plan to do.
  • Stop complaining.
  • Learn to be thankful.
  • Value your life experiences.
  • Handle failures with dignity knowing that they are stepping stones to success, if managed properly.
  • Master the art of being a good listener.
  • Do away with the victims’ mentality. Stop looking for who to blame for your misfortunes, swallow the bitter pill, get up and do something about your life.
  • Promote and be associated with good character by identifying and utilizing your likeable qualities.
  • Always recognise the need for self improvement and development. (This is what you’ve done by posting this question on “˜Ask The Coach’)
  • Communicate clearly and properly.
  • Celebrate all forms of positive progress you experience.
  • Be current with what’s happening around you, your environment, the world etc. Learn new things each day and be up for healthy discussions.
  • Keep your ego in check.
  • Don’t be too hard on yourself, come on give your self a break!!!!!!.
  • Adopt the habit of taking risks in small doses. This will definitely begin increase your level of self confidence.
  • Be driven or motivated to take important steps/actions.
  • Develop positive relationships by interacting with positive and supportive people.
  • Discuss or share your fears with loved ones.
  • Start a new habit of resting each day.
  • Be gracious when receiving compliments or constructive criticisms because they make you a better person.
  • Be patient with yourself first and foremost, then others.
  • Stay in shape by exercising.
  • Improve on your physical appearance. Dress smartly, fix up, and look sharp!!!
  • Show consistency in all you do.
  • Make appropriate eye contact.
  • When necessary, seek the services of a professional counsellor, psychotherapist etc.

Can you come up with any more?

I look forward to your comments and suggestions.

About the author

Ayo Olaniyan