Once we slip into a relationship and get comfortable we have a tendency towards being too dependant on our partner for things. Some little things, some not so little things. Most of us, who that happens to, already had dependency issues but they seem to be magnified when we enter a partnership. Finally, we have someone who can, well, depend on, for lots of things. Most thing s actually.
Most behavioural issues stem from childhood and/or abusive relationships, obviously depending on what they are. Though we desperately try to not let these behaviours rear their ugly heads, too often they end up doing just that. Some of us think we have control over them, but the reality is, we really don’t. A deep look at self will have most of us realizing that, in fact, they are still controlling us.
1. Expect others to make decisions for them.
Dependant people are not great decision makers. It’easier and less stressful to let others do that for them and they will simply agree with whatever decision was made. It’s all good to them. As long as they don’t have to decide on anything they’re happy.
2. No need to argue.
They won’t argue about anything even if they really don’t like something. They don’t like confrontation and don’t want to run the risk of losing said partnership or friendship over an argument. It’s better just to agree, smile and nod. They will go along with whatever is said.
3. Seek validation on any decision they had to make.
If the time comes where they have to make a decision they need someone, anyone, to approve it or reassure them that it was a great decision. Remember they don’t like to make decisions and it’s not because they aren’t great decision makers, they simply don’t want that responsibility.
4. Give the responsibility to someone else.
Gladly. They don’t want to be responsible for anything, especially major life decisions. Responsibility is a big thing and they can’t handle the pressures of it mostly out of fear of doing something wrong. Ironically if something goes wrong, they will take responsibility for that so to keep the peace.
5. Don’t leave them alone.
They really hate being alone. They prefer to have someone around all the time to make decisions for them, tell them what to do, validate their every move and generally keep them company. They aren’t happy with their own company and it causes them a tad bit of anxiety.
6. Out in public, don’t leave their side.
They need to be with you, attached to your hip, at all times. You are the leader; they are the follower. Whatever you say or do goes. Right down to ordering the cappuccinos at the local cafÃ©. They prefer if you take care of all communications with other parties too. This way they won’t say or do the wrong things.
7. Text, email or call all the time.
They can’t leave you alone for one minute. They have a million questions to ask that need answers and you have all the answers. If they don’t hear from you in a while they slip into anxiety mode. They desperately need to have constant contact with you. At all times.
8. What mood are you in today?
Whatever mood you are in, they are too. They won’t take the bull by the horns and try to change the mood of the day. That would require making a decision or being responsible for something. They’ll have none of that. If you’re in a crap mood, they will be too. That’s just how they operate. They are dependant on your mood to set the tone for their day.
There are other much more serious dependency issues as well like alcohol and drugs an d being dependent on someone who has an abuse issue. If you find yourself in this situation you really should seek help immediately. There are ways to overcome addictions and dependency issues.