Personal Development

5 Techniques to Give Ourselves a Good Shot of Confidence

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There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you, we are meant to shine, as children do."
Marianne Williamson

Most people agree that self-confidence is one of the most important factors in how well we do in life. We are born with perfect self- confidence, but that is eroded by many factors as we grow up. Instead of focusing on the things that drag down our confidence it is important to remember the things that boost it. Whether we are going to a job interview, a first date, giving a speech or just getting through the day, there are some basic ways that we give ourselves that extra boost of confidence that will win the day.


Have reminders of your achievements in full view so you can see them every night before going to bed and every morning when you wake up. They can be trophies, awards achieved or anything that you are proud of. If you have no visible record, write down at least five things you are proud having achieved and post them by the mirror in your bathroom and on the wall in your workplace.


List all the things you are proud of. What can you put on your résume? What did you do that took courage? Perhaps you moved away from your family, struck out on your own or left an abusive relationship. Things that others would be afraid of doing, but you did them. How about the people you helped. Or maybe things you didn't do, like say negative things about someone when everyone else was. Have you gone out of your way to help someone, when others might not have? List these things and read them whenever you face a situation where you will need all your confidence.


Positive internal dialogue is what Oprah factually took with her as the legacy of her experience in the third grade.

Time after time, the message was the same: "If you do your best you will succeed and be valued."
Oprah Winfrey

Give your best in all situations. The outcome may not be what you wanted but you will come away feeling good about yourself. Every time you do you will come away a stronger person. Stand up for what you believe in, what is right. Defend someone who is weaker, someone who is being bullied or treated unfairly. Resist the urge to go along just to get along. Be true to yourself and you will respect yourself and earn respect from those that matter.


After my divorce, I had no choice but to start doing things on my own. Small things such as fixing the vacuum cleaner all by myself, brought me enormous satisfaction. The first night I invited people to my home for dinner as a single person was a monumental leap. The day I booked tickets for my first trip without a man was a day for celebration. As I began to do things on my own, I began to taste the deliciousness of an emerging self-confidence."
Susan Jeffers

We all are afraid of doing unfamiliar things for the first time. Those who succeed do things they have a fear of doing.   Get into the habit of pushing your comfort zone and doing things you are a little bit frightened to do. Make a list of something every week, every month. They don't have to be huge but require some courage for you to do.   Try taking a dancing class, going to a movie alone or start a conversation with a stranger. See how it makes you feel after. Keep track of these things on a calendar. Review them every so often, or before that big date, interview or event that is going to demand all the confidence you can muster.


Don't get into comparing your win with that of others. Your achievement is as important as anyone else's.   Only share what you are doing with those that totally support you. Confidence builds upon itself, the more you think you can do, the more you will attempt and be successful at. Keep adding to your win list and watch yourself soar.

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About the author

Harvey Deutschendorf

Harvey Deutschendorf is an emotional intelligence expert, internationally published author and speaker. To take the EI Quiz go to His book THE OTHER KIND OF SMART, Simple Ways to Boost Your Emotional Intelligence for Greater Personal Effectiveness and Success has been published in 4 languages. Harvey writes for FAST COMPANY and has a monthly column with HRPROFESSIONALS MAGAZINE. You can follow him on Twitter @theeiguy