Personal Development

10 Ways to Stay Off Offense

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Cancer specifically refers to a new growth which has the ability to invade surrounding tissues, metastasize (spread to other organs) and which may eventually lead to death if untreated.

Cancer cells can be carried in the bloodstream or lymphatic system to other parts of the body where they can start to grow into new tumors.

In order to spread, some cells from the primary cancer must break away, travel to another part of the body and start growing there. Cancer cells don't stick together as well as normal cells do. They may also produce substances that stimulate them to move.

The Merriam Webster dictionary defines offense as something that outrages the moral or physical senses. So judging by this definition, it is obvious that we all have the capability and ability to be offended.

In as much as you represent the smallest unit of the society and you are human with a body, soul and mind that under-goes blood circulation irrespective of your color, geo-political zone, living with people, then you are liable to be offended.

It's obvious one cannot decide who will offend him or her, even though some persons may decide on who they want to offend each passing day.

Offense has the ability of dwelling in a person for as long as he decides to harbor it. It can live in a person for ages and has a visible perception to the world.

Offense is a disease that we all have to deal with by ourselves and may also need the guidance of someone else to overcome it. It is quiet similar to cancer which also require a physician and the individual participation for effective treatment.

One of the dangers of cancer if not diagnosed early and treated properly is death. So it is with offense when it is not recognized, treated and handled properly. The carrier of offense will only expose himself to images that sap energy out of his existence.

Sometimes, we do hear people say that they are too sensitive, which is good but most often, it's not the best. You may also want to know that when you are so sensitive and cannot balance people's perspective about life, the tendencies to be frustrated and offended are bound.

Sensitivity varies from individuals and according to a study done by the Stony Brook University, about 20 percent of the population is genetically predisposed to empathy "“ this simply means that human beings can respond to both positive and negative stimuli in their environment which they are predisposed to.

In today's world, some define offense-taking as stated in the journal cognitive Therapy and Research as the "perceived deprivation of what is rightfully due to a person". This we can also term as "entitlement mentality", were the person thinks that he is entitled to everything around him.

I also won't be wrong to say that people who are easily offended tend to be easily angry, are unfulfilled and hypersensitive people. They always go with the consciousness that they have the right to get angry over every little thing that is said or done.

These same sets of people are the ones we see daily on our various social media platform, insulting, assaulting whoever crosses their path. Though we have the obligation to be offended, we also have the right to determine how long an offence can stay in our lives. It is also known that how we choose to respond to people's attitude depends on our mentality. Someone rightly says that "the way someone behaves is as a result of his understanding".

We can testify to the fact that we've all had a difficult experiences in life that never seems pleasant and would have love to see our loved ones, including our friends standing right besides us but couldn't see any. If you at this cross-path in life, I will only advise that you calm down, focus on the challenge and then think of a better way to surge ahead.

As the days unfold, it will be obvious to you that no one owes you anything, empathy, sympathy or to even stand with you during your difficult times. If you can finally come to the realization that everything is not all about you, then you will have to kill off self-centeredness, embrace humility and even practice detachment.

Being easily offended is a difficult habit to overcome. If we allow offence to grow into a habit in our life, we are only paving the way for the impossible.

Staying off offense could be a long walk but it can be achieve-able if we practice these few steps below.

Be calm

Time is the only thing that separates us from the realities of the past and future and the great healer of every wound that comes our way. When offence comes our way, the best we can do is to sit, take a deep breath and calm down before responding to anyone you feel is offending you. Being easily offended is a bad trigger of response from you. So whenever the offence comes, pause and ask yourself some questions that will easily take off the dark cloud off your mind.

When this cloud of emotions are running through your mind, just stay calm and start to call your name, saying that "I can't allow anyone to determine my happiness, I cannot be offended no matter what the situation is. Keep saying positive things about yourself.

Redirect your energy level

When we are anxious and full of energy from an offense, we tend to be less forgiving. This happens so because we are looking for substance that we can direct that attention to. Instead of you allowing an offense to drain your energy level, and then channel that energy into something useful and productive.

Look out for patterns

Take a deep thought of yourself to know if there is any particular thing that easily gets you offended. It could be the way that person places his speech, looks at you or even did not recognized you appropriately. Take out a pen and paper; write out your most memorable moment by pushing yourself to think deeply in expressing how you felt and why you took offense. If these patterns can be sorted out, offences will gradually die.

Consider the consequences

Before you react to anything, consider the consequences. Have it in mind that one of the consequences of taking offense frequently is that people around you will gradually turn into a sycophant or feel nervous to air out their thought.

Ask yourself what you are really offended about

Most often the cloud of offense around us is caused by the perception of others we keep in our mind eyes. If it is true that the world revolves around you, then we can say that every action carried out by someone next to you is a form of hatred or disdain. As we live our life in this world, we fail to examine the relationship we have with ourselves. If our self-relationship is bruised, we will always live a life of insecurity and mistrust of self.

Try to know the role of your ideals

Every human being was created with an innate desire of basic emotional need to feel connected, protected and attended to. Which can also be referred to as "entitlement mentality"? Where some persons live with the notion that they will forever live with the support and contribution of their need from others.

It is disastrous to live in this kind of world because this can only lead to a world of fantasy.

Stop the blame game

Always laying blames on people for a wrong isn't the right way to tackle an offense. Instead of living with the blame game, for once try to accept the facts that you may be the reason why he or she might want to offend you. Just as it is said that love is in the eyes of the beholder, so it is with offence. If you can decide not to be offended at the slightest action of others, you will be able to stay out of the blame game.

Cling to what makes you happy

This tool is very helpful if you will always want to stay off offense. You cannot run away from offence but you can decide not to dwell in offence for too long. We all have one or two things that make us happy on a daily basis. If you have discovered yours, make it a habit to always tune to it when offenses are staring at you.

Love and appreciate yourself

Have you noticed a lizard falling off a high building? If yes, you will agree with me that when the lizard falls to the ground, it doesn't wait for praises for anyone to make the next step. As human, if we learn to love and appreciate ourselves irrespective of what people say about us we will live an offense free live.

Practice detachment

Nobody ever love the face of death, so it is with detachment. Detachment can be so frustrating but if handled properly it will bring out the best in every difficult situation. Whenever we are faced with offense, the best we owe ourselves is to stay away from the offender or anything that attract offense to us by practicing detachment.
Offense is a killer disease that gradually creeps into the heart of a man and also needs the permission of the individual to fully grow into an outburst.

We are all prone and could also be a victim of offense but that doesn't mean that we should be a stooge of offense. Treat offense quickly before it kills you.

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About the author

Gideon Augustine Obonugo

Gideon Augustine Obonugo is a prolific freelance writer from Nigeria who has been writing for a living since 2008. I read, research, test, experiment and refine ideas which I am going to be sharing via my blog.
I do what I can to support and encourage people on their path of growth, thereby making them to contribute value to the world.