About Steven AitchisonA client who I am working with just now, call him Dave, came to me with alcohol issues. We worked out he was drinking over 350 units of alcohol per week, which is over 10 times the amount that the government recommends for a man to be drinking before health problems start to kick in.
I had been working with Dave for a few months and, being honest, I wasn’t getting anywhere fast, so I started looking more closely at his daily rituals in life. He had already told me he would get up in the morning, have a drink, go to his friends for a drink and drink, by himself, later on at night.
I dug deeper and looked at his daily rituals hours by hour.
What transpired was that one of his rituals was to go out and get a newspaper from the local newsagents. After that he would come back home and pass by his friends house, who would always be waiting for him so they could have a drink together in the house. The drinking sessions would last for about 3-4 hours, and Dave would consume another 15 units of alcohol.
When Dave showed me his diary for the weeks, I noticed there were a few days, every week, where he drunk a lot less than normal. Dave advised that he would go for his daily newspaper and then visit his family sometimes, instead of going to his friends house. He advised he loved seeing his family and his grandchildren.
We spoke about this and it was suggested that he could see his family every day and he could alternate between them: he had 4 members of family he would see so he could see one of them every 5 days, therefore not intruding.
Dave started his new ritual, which took him a few weeks to get into as he would slip back into his old ritual of going back to his buddys house to have a drink. However he eventually made it a ritual and now he drinks a lot less and feels less of a need to drink as he is surrounded by family who support him.
This one ritual enabled him to cut down his drinking by over 30% and could have possibly save his life.
We are still looking at other positive rituals to implement into his life.
Swapping rituals
This idea of swapping one ritual for another struck me as being a great solution to a lot of life’s issues.
In true ‘put your money where your mouth is’ style, I decided to swap one of my ‘bad’ rituals’ for another more positive ritual.
I get up at about 5am every day, a ritual I started years ago, and I work on internet related work, answer emails, do some writing. However I noticed I would spend more and more time doing nothing but ‘happy surfing’. So I decided to start walking from 6am until 6.30am, and get fit.
The upshot is that I spend less time surfing aimlessly, get more work done as I am more focused and I get a 2 mile walk in every single morning come rain or shine. So because I swapped one half hour ritual for another I am fitter, more focused, healthier, more productive and feel as if I have more energy.
I have implemented other rituals in my life which are benefiting me tremendously such as meditation, micro naps, drinking water, and visualization.
Do you have any ‘bad’ rituals that could be replaced?
Are there any rituals you can think of that you could replace with a positive ritual and enhance your life in some way, or have you done it already. Why not help someone else out and share your story in the comment box below, I would love to hear about it.
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I have a lingering habit of working in the wee hours of the evening. I would much rather prefer to get up early and knock out several of the things on my “to do” list before the sun rises.
I read about a similar technique in, “The 24-Hour Turn-Around” It speaks about replacing bad habits with good ones.
Now to take this information and apply it. Not just read about it.
.-= Frank´s last blog ..Keep Moving Forward =-.
Gi Frank, thanks for your comments and sharing your rituals. I have to admit to loving the mornings for working and walking as it is so peaceful and quiet.
Thanks also for the book you mentioned, I will need to check it out.
Yes, eliminating bad rituals or habits in order to replace it with more productive ones can allow you to improve in those targeted areas.
.-= Nelly Paekukui´s last blog ..Building a Firm Foundation for an Internet Marketing Business: Are You Taking Action? =-.
Hi Nelly, welcome to CYT, always good to see new faces
Thanks for your comments, much appreciated.
I like the idea of identifying our “current” rituals and replacing them with ones that support a healthy lifestyle. (work, spiritual, physical all in included)
I’ve found my rituals define my day. When I “purposely plan” out my rituals I not only become more productive but I find I have more time to do things that fulfill me either than through just my lifes work.
I have a healthy feeling of self and overall start my day feeling accomplished.
My priorities are my morning rituals as they are ideal tools in supporting my purpose to the best of my ability.
Good article my friend.
.-= Tony Teegarden´s last blog ..Going Beyond Having an Attitude of Gratitude (A Bigger Gratitude Game) =-.
Thanks for your comments Tony. You made a good point about planning your rituals, I think that’s a great idea.
Your morning rituals set up your day and should be the most important rituals of the day.
thanks mate.
One that I did switch was Starbucks. I used to walk there 5-7 days a week. I thought it was a waste of money so I bought a new (not fancy) coffee pot and experimented with different coffees and finally found one I liked. Now instead of spending 20-30 dollars on coffee everyweek I spend a couple.
I travel a lot so that’s when I buy Starbucks coffee…in the airport where I have a few hrs. to relax and enjoy every sip.
We get so caught up in what we shouldn’t be doing it’s easy to forget we only need to decide what we can do that would be better.
Hi Tess, loved what you said here: “We get so caught up in what we shouldn’t be doing it’s easy to forget we only need to decide what we can do that would be better.”
Nice turnaround and saving of $1000-$1400 per year.
I relate to that ritual on early morning internet- which this morning I am doing. I have recently swapped it for a morning meditaion, drawing an angel card, journal and do the 5 tibetans before a beach walk and swim- this grounds me and my day goes much better- I do notice the difference when life gets in the way
.-= Suzie Cheel´s last blog ..Monday Inspiration =-.
Hi Suzie, thanks for the comments. I think a lot of people have the same problem as us
what is the 5 tibetans?
You have got some great rituals in there which must set your whole day up
.-= Steven Aitchison´s last blog ..How Your Rituals Could be Killing You =-.
Hi Suzie, how nice rituals you have! Can you tell me more about the angel cards? I love angels!
I have this habit of watching two or more movies every Friday night. and this is accompanied by cans of beer and fastfood.
I knew I had to change this, so I tried to instead ask my family or friend to go out every Friday night and visit some place where there is good scenery. So far, this has worked well, though I admit I still sometimes revert to my Friday habit. I nonetheless do it less and less now
.-= Julius´s last blog ..The Challenges of Internet Users with Low or limited Vision =-.
Hi Julius, I don’t think that’s too bad at all, everything in moderation. We have a family movie night every friday night (due to start in a few hours
) and we have a takeaway and a bag of sweets (peanut M&Ms every time for me ) and the rest of the week is sweet and biscuit free with no junk food.
Thanks for your response, Steven. I agree with you: everything in moderation.
I also like the idea you gave. Eating the food you like and then trying to minimize or lessen eating that food over the weekend or in a few days.
.-= Julius´s last blog ..Google Fixed the Accessibility Problem =-.
Hey Steve, I think we are the sum of our rituals. As the years for by they shape us physically, mentally, and emotionally. They may seem insignificant on the day to day level, but multiply that by a decade and you have a powerful, life altering force. So, we can make it a force for good or not. The life experience is played out one day at a time. We are the result of our rituals.
.-= Jonathan – Advanced Life Skills´s last blog ..7 Fundamental Truths about Personal Development =-.
Hi Jonathan, you always come up with a phrase that sums up my posts beautifully ‘We are the sum of our rituals’
Replacing bad habits with good habits is the way to go. Just start doing it the new way and the old habit disappears.
Thanks for your comments MGL I appreciate them.
One of the rituals that I am working on substituting is swapping out TV watching for blog writing. My family has a show they love to watch on Tuesday nights. That’s fine with me: I set up my computer in the dining room, and I get to be near them, but I am getting something just a little more valuable done during that time.
.-= Steve-Prospering With Aspergers´s last blog ..Becoming Emotionally Intelligent =-.
Hi Steve. TV watching is a biggie with a lot of us. I read a statistic that the average person watches 35 hours of TV per week – 35 hours, that is a crazy statistic to me.
Good for you that you have swapped this out with blogging and still being accessible to your family.
Hi Steven,
I have to exercise regularly to keep my (naturally) high levels of cholesterol down. I was doing this by going to the gym after work but I already felt worn out and unmotivated by the time I got there and I was always looking to cut it short. However, like you I am an early riser and I used to spend the time before going to work just noodling around on the internet so I decided to move the exercise from the END of the day to the START of the day. This replaced pointless messing around on the internet with exercise – which means I do it when I am fresh. It also allows me to feel unbearably smug because I have exercised before work
I never, ever thought I would be “the type of person that goes jogging on a morning” but by implementing one simple change…here I am !
Many years ago I gave up smoking and, once I had done, I realized how crazily ritualistic smoking is. Certain cues always made me smoke and when you look at it objectively its absurd…”I am having a cup of coffee – time to inhale poisonous smoke!” Crazy.
Anyway – I’m rambling! Great post!
Cheers
Gareth
Hi Gareth, totally with you on everything, the jogging, the smoking the associations etc. Isn’t it a great feeling to know you’ve started your day well by exercising.
Hey Julius
“I have this habit of watching two or more movies every Friday night. and this is accompanied by cans of beer and fastfood.”
In my opinion there is nothing wrong with that as long as you keep it in moderation. I follow a healthy lifestyle because of my cholesterol and although I eat mostly low fat food and I exercise regularly I sometimes have a Friday night like the one you mentioned. As long as you put big gaps between those sorts of nights – no problem.
I sometimes get a bit impatient with the idea that if you are into personal development then you have you live like a Tibetan monk …
Gareth
Yes Steve,
Great post and great advice! Nature will not tolerate a vacuum. You cannot drop an old habit without setting up a replacement habit. If you do not the Force of Fixation rushes the old habit back to you.
When I was a young man I was an avid weightlifter. Unfortunately, I also had the habit of going out drinking with my friends on Friday and Saturday. Little by little my good habit was replaced with my bad habit as I was becoming too hungover to workout on the weekends. Eventually, I decided I valued success more that I valued my relationship with my drinking buddies. I decided that Friday and Saturday nights were the perfect time to go the extra mile with my business affairs to get ahead. I carry this habit with me today (about 25 years now), I have made it a habit to write, work etc. on weekend evenings and wake up fresh and vibrant the next day. I still go out with friends, but I will never go out if I have important work I want to do.
Thanks for the great discussion.
Hi Rob, great response and some good advice about swapping out rituals. Even thinking about our bad rituals is enough to kick start us into changing them or swapping them out.
Steve: I think swapping bad rituals for good ones is an interesting strategy. It allows us to really evaluate our lives and rituals and make certain we are doing things that are aligning with our desires and goals. For me, I had a ritual of watching television every night after work to unwind. I replaced that with just some quiet reading time and it has definitely impacted my nights positively.
Hi Sibyl. thanks for sharing your ritual swap. I am always saying to my sons that ‘reading is the single most effective way to increase your IQ’.
I’m so inspired by your switch to walking in the mornings! I recently developed the habit of being on the computer in the evenings. I’ve decided now to give myself two hours before bedtime to “wind down” with no stimulating activities like the internet. I’m looking forward to the shift.
.-= Sandra Lee´s last blog ..Low oxalate greens =-.
Hi Sandra, it would be great to hear how you get on with your ritual swap and how it impacts you. Thanks for your comments
I want to begin to meditate at 6:00 am every day but it has been imposible everyday I wake up at 7:00 pm. Really I want to change this bad ritual!
.-= Rosangel´s last blog ..Administra la chequera de tu tiempo =-.
Hi Rosangel. I think I would start with just getting up early before jumping straight into meditation. Let your body get used to getting up an hour earlier then after a few weeks you could start meditating. The half hour spent meditating will give you back at least an hour and half every day due to increased energy, more focus, more productivity etc so it’s well worth the effort.
Hi Steven, like other comments above, I agree that the key is to swap one habit for another. I’ve found that I need to replace the outgoing habit with an incoming habit, otherwise I just slide right back into my old ways. But, it’s like the new habit becomes ad anchor point, so that once it’s established it stops you from moving backwards. I really like the clear way you’ve explained this here, and the great example, thanks so much for sharing.
Topi
.-= Topi´s last blog ..5 lessons I’ve learned from my children =-.
Hi Topi, thanks for your comments on this. I like your idea of the old habit being an anchor point.
I read your article, which was recommended by a friend.
It really made me think about how I could improve my lifestyle too, just like Dave’s. You see, I was recently hit really bad in a motor vehicle accident, and I’m going through some post traumatic stress. Although I cry every now and then, and I decided recently to write a thank you card or two everyday. See, since the accident, all of my friends, family, boyfriend, neighbors, and so forth have been so kind to me. So I decided to thank them for their kindness. I find it very therapeutic to take the time to thank them and show them that they are appreciated for doing the little and big things they do for me. Thank you Steven. Now I will try to find another habit to make a positive difference.
Hi Trisha, thank you for sharing your story about the car accident.
You have done fantastic to turn it around and take positive steps to heal yourself and writing the thank you cards, what a wonderful way to tell someone how much you appreciate their help in your life.
I would love to hear how you get on with the ritual swap Trisha.
Take care
Swapping rituals is really helpful when want to get rid of your bad habits. I’ve already tried it and it helped me (it was similar to your example).
Thanks a lot for this interesting info, Steven!
.-= Roman Soluk´s last blog ..How to avoid depression when being unemployed =-.
Hi Roman, thanks for sharing a part of your story, I really appreciate it and glad to see it works.
I have this ritual of checking the news first thing. I shouldn’t as checking news can be a time suck for me. And, rarely is their news that we really need to read about anyway. Most events of any significance will be discussed among friends, so spending the time to read about things could be downfall for me.
.-= Colleen´s last blog ..Tri Cities Washington Cold Winter Nights Makes For Abundant Springtime Babies =-.
Hi Colleen. For me, reading, watching or listening to the news is one of the biggest energy and spiritual killers you can get. You are so right about friends telling you about the major events in life. The news is not NEWs, it’s the same stories regurgitated designed to make us panic and fearful of life. Bad news sells, good news doesn’t so we’re bombarded with bad news which makes us fearful of life.
Sorry about the rant, I feel quite passionate about this topic
I wish someone could tell me why people self-destruct when they have so many, many opportunities: Fast food, no exercise, laziness, wasting time, smoking, drinking, swearing, and living a meaningless life. I cannot think of any bad rituals I have left – my worst one was losing my temper and that is out the window thanks to meditation and yoga and focusing on what’s important. I am not flattering myself here – I live a strictly conscious life and of this aspect of my life, I am proud. I only wish we could help others see it. Steven, how kind of you to help your client….he needs a lot of guidance but he too can change.
Hi Farnoosh. It’s not nice seeing people self destruct and it can be heartbreaking at times as well. But, as counsellors and coaches we have to let our clients see life in a different way, show them, in their minds eye, an alternative reality. Until we can the the alternative reality we are never going to change, so keep doing what you’re doing and help people one at a time as you are doing a great job.
Great work with your client Steve. It’s amazing isn’t how during the coaching process it’s sometimes the most simple of shifts that makes the biggest difference and fancy techniques are not needed.
I’m not really much of a morning person, I’ve always enjoyed working at night so I sleep when I’m tired and where I can I wake up naturally.
My bad ritual at the moment is eating too much and too fast. I think that’s the main thing stopping me from dropping weight, what would you recommend for me?
.-= Amit Sodha – The Power Of Choice´s last blog ..Things They Don’t Teach At School – 17 Recommendations =-.
Hi Amit, I can totally relate to your situation about eating too much and eating too fast. I have had to swap some eating rituals of my own which have made a huge difference.
1. I got rid of the white – I replaced eating white bread with seeded bread
2. Limited Pasta to once per week instead of 3 times per week
3. Eat ONLY at set meal times until you’re over food addiction, I eat now at 8am, 12pm, 3pm, 6pm, 9pm
4. Always always always have a glass of water before you eat anything, even if it’s a biscuit. This fills up your stomach and lifts the feeling of hunger.
5. I now chew my food maybe twice as much as I did before. This was a revelation to me as the more i chewed the less I ate and the fuller I felt.
That’s just what helped me Amit and it has helped my once ‘pregnant belly look’ to going back normal and losing about 9Ibs and it felt much more natural than going on a diet. As soon as we tell ourselves we are going on a diet we immediately think ‘Lack of food’. tell yourself that you are going to swap a few bad food rituals for another such as swapping white bread with brown bread and it is much more natural and easier. if you swapped 1 ritual per month you could change your life within about 6 months, and you can do it naturally and not shock the body.
Hope that helps a little
.-= Steven Aitchison´s last blog ..How Your Rituals Could be Killing You =-.
Hi Steven,
Wonderful post! I can relate to your “happy surfing” comment. I, like you, get up early (4:30 AM), write my post, rely to e-mails…etc. Now, when I’m done I head off to the gym and workout. When I get back I’m full of energy and ideas! I’ll capture these ideas for future projects, post ideas and workshops. This ritual has provided me with an abundant source of creativity.
As mental and physical strength coach I really work with my clients on establishing empowering rituals that blend with their lifestyle.
Thanks for the great reminder that how powerful rituals are!
Hi Gregg. what a great way to start the morning and, like you, I can tap into the inner well of creativity which is fantastic. It’s hard describing the feeling to someone.
It sounds as if you really make a difference to your clients.
Great post Steven! I am very inspired by your work-out morning ritual – will definitely do it myself, for an hour though.
Once of my biggest successes (after quitting smoking) is that I quit alcohol (part of my healthy kick) and replaced it with green tea. There are only positive outcomes: detox resulting in more clear skin and dropping about a stone, and the awesome effects of anti-oxidants.
Another great ritual-swap is that instead of “happy reading mindless easy stuff ” on the internet, I now read several personal development blogs. So enriching and inspiring! It’s now the time to act.
Keep doing this great job; your blog is one of my all-time favourite!
Hi Cali, well done you for swapping out your bad rituals in life, it sounds as if you’re on top of the world
Thank you so much for your comments about the blog, it has made my day.
Hey Steve,
I could relate to your post in many ways, years ago I read from Tony Robbins that he helped cure people who smoked cigarettes by replacing their needs with greater needs.
I guess “the patch” had a good idea on it, except the need for having “a cig” was much greater than the actual patch….
Anyway, one big thing for me was that I replaced my favorite past-time of being hungry, pigging out on food for running.
I found that taking a walk, or running would not only satisfy my appetite, but also help me trim down the fat. Definitely Win/Win!
Good post, as always.
–Parker
.-= Parker Lee | howtomingle.com´s last blog ..9 Ways To Say I Like You =-.
Hi Parker, definite win/win there
I think a lot of us can relate to pigging out and the smoking ritual as well.
Thanks for your comments, always appreciated.
Great article on our rituals! I would have to say that mine is tv and computer time, which I know need to get more in balance. I’m learning how to do this through a great new book out called, “Your Work, Your Life…Your Way.” The author does great job in helping you develop the right priorities, set boundaries, and still have time for self care. I hope you can check it out!
Ooogh Steven, don’t get me started on rituals! But how true that rather than leave an empty gap you swap the baddies for goodies.
As for the walking before the birdies awake, I also could not recommend it enough. To catch the day when it’s unresolved and fresh really has great bearing on your mood that day – and concentration levels. Thoughtful post as ever.
Hi Rosie, good to see you again.
I love the stillness of the morning and couldn’t recommend it highly enough to everyone, but not everyone is an early riser.
Thanks for your comments as ever.
Hi Steven,
This is a great piece! Some daily rituals are really geared to cause us our downfall. Identifying them and replacing them with “success” rituals will help us to get results faster.
For example; a morning ritual that helps you get into a positive state of work will always help you to start your day strong. Starting your day strong can pass on the effect to the rest of the day.
Cheers,
Vincent
.-= Vincent´s last blog ..3 Great Reasons To Forget About Your Past Mistakes =-.
Hi Vincent. You’re right about starting the day well it can set up your whole week, month, year etc. I think we should all develop morning rituals and swap out the bas ones for success rituals.
.-= steven aitchison´s last blog ..How Your Rituals Could be Killing You =-.
Hi Steven,
Talking about rituals, many people unfortunately when they get up in the morning, go to work without doing some stretching exercises, walking, etc… I personally made stretching and exercising a morning ritual for the past 10 years. Now, that I have been doing it for a long time, I can’t skip one day. This is the beauty of having positive ritual, it becomes second nature over time.
Thanks for sharing this great article
.-= Dia´s last blog ..How to attract people =-.
Hi Dia, that’s a good point about rituals and how they become part of your life. Rituals, if introduced correctly, can make you feel as if there is something missing from your day if you don’t do it.
HI Steven, This is such a wonderful topic. Arent we all at some level stuck in our little routine ritual bubbles…??
But then after 5 days of 4-5 hrs of sleep a day…..i start feeling like I need to sleep. I have got to add atleast 2 more hours to my sleeping daily. That way the 5th day wont be so fatigued.
I know there are things in my life I have to work on…
-Sleeping-i sleep very few hours. I keep thinking that 4-5 hours is enough for me…and that way i get more time to do a lot of ‘awake’ things
I actually started doing this this week….and I feel so much better.
Thank you fro this lovely post Steven. You always manage to come up with the best topics
Much love,
Z~
Hi Zeenat, great to see you again.
I also get 4-5 hours of sleep and use ‘Micro naps’ to offset the late afternoon fatigue. basically just doze for 10-15 minutes, twice per day. It’s amazing how much energy you get back just by practicing micro napping, I love it.
Thanks you as always for your support.
.-= Steven Aitchison´s last blog ..How Your Rituals Could be Killing You =-.
Steven!
Solid stuff!
I admire your hunger to help others! Rituals are so crucial.
I need to continue to work on having a systematic time-out where I can reflect and evaluate my progress. I tend to put my head down and barrel through whatever but I need to pop my head up and reflect.
Keep pumping out the goodness!
HI Steven, On an off topic note- I have recently changed my blog design. Simplified it. I would love your thoughts on it. And I’m so sorry I haven’t been able to join your new program “alter your jacket”
I am in between shifting home to another state…mover&packers coming in tomorrow…
)…will be back with a a bang 
I hope you understand.
Just as soon as I am settled in my new greener,simpler, quieter home(considering how quiet it can be with a 3 yrs old running around
Lots of love,
Z~
I believe I could cut back on the amount of time I’m surfing online. Howeverr, I don’t watch TV or go out to eat as many people do – I use my time to read, connect with others and write.
But this may just be excuses.
Lately I’ve been replacing time I’d spend answering emails in the morning with more important tasks that need to get done. I’ve seen a rise in productivity as I’ve flipped my email to the afternoon – I can wake up and begin being productive without the negativity of email.
.-= Murlu´s last blog ..A Crash Course On Holding Your First Blog Contest =-.
Firstly: I just came across this blog and i think it is amazing! I am impressed.
Great improvement on the problem. Good observations and course of action.
I have noticed that maintaining a journal(spreadsheet) of what i do during a day really helps to give perspective on things i may be doing too often or too much that may be harmful to my health. Sometimes its easy to forget how much you have indulged but when it is dated and in writing you can really get a better grasp on choosing what is best for me.
.-= Adam´s last blog ..Learning to be Funny =-.
Hi. I read the piece and its a good thing that your client changed his rituals. Actually it requires little motivation and some taps on the back to change ritual for good. Nice content
.-= shabi´s last blog ..Job of Tax Lawyer/Tax Attorney =-.
Awesome article…
A very useful article that can be applied instantly, I’m a fan of practically applicable knowledge.
There are many rituals that I could change in my life…
Previously, I got up out of bed very early, around 4 am.
However, now I get up about 7:30 am
I’ll probably go back to that habit.
.-= Marko — Calm Growth´s last blog ..The Current State of Personal Development Scene – Part 2 =-.
This week I started working on giving up one ritual: drinking two 16 oz. cups of coffee each morning. Because I also get a cup of bold coffee from Starbucks at lunch time, it’s safe to say I’m addicted to my daily cups of Joe. Yes, I have the shakes by 11 AM each day…the anxiety produced by too much caffeine is evident so I decided to give it up.
I tried going cold turkey–no caffeine at all. Didn’t work! In fact, I’m sipping as I type. However, I don’t give up. So, I’m having 1 cup in the morning instead of two. I may not give up the coffee entirely, at least not right now, but I’m changing the ritual at a pace that I can handle.
.-= Nea | Self Improvement Saga´s last blog ..Want to Get More Out of Your Life? The Universe Says Yes =-.
I’ve set aside 30 minutes a day (usually in the morning) to work on projects that will advance me professionally (I’m a freelance writer). I do this before I start my “pay work.” This ensures that I am continually growing my career. And I have made it a habit to work out every morning. That way, no matter how the day goes (lots of good outcomes or lots of frustration!) I know that I have done one good thing for myself.
.-= Nancy Christie´s last blog ..“A winning effort begins with preparation.” Joe Gibbs =-.
A ritual is something that we all do no matter if we want it or not. Our way of living and our daily tasks are makings us be dependent on rituals. The most important thing is to be able to get out of a bad habit, or ritual, and replace it with something that can do us good. Many people are lazy or stubborn and they don’t want to change their habits. I have also some bad habits and I admit that is hard do get rid of them but I am trying every day and I see improvement. You have to keep fighting and never loose hope.