About Tess Marshall“Ever since there have been human beings, they have given themselves over to too little joy. That alone my friends, is our original sin. I should only believe in a God who knows how to dance.” – Henri Matisse
Don’t we all want a little more joy in our lives? Living in our chaotic world it’s easy to get caught up in every emotion but joy. Someone who is truly joyful doesn’t get hooked into what’s wrong with our world. It doesn’t mean they don’t care. It means they don’t live in fear. It’s impossible to be fearful and joyful at the same time.
Don’t allow tension, anxiety, depression or world events steal your joy.
How to feel joy and dance with life:
- Call forth feelings of love and appreciation for yourself. Everybody has days when they feel unworthy of love. Think of a child you love and transfer those loving feelings to yourself. Let the warm and heartfelt feeling blanket you from head to toe.
- Find pleasure in simple things. It’s easy to live a simple life when you can find appreciation for simple things. Feelings of lack come from overlooking the pleasure of a cold drink, a hug, a new book or a simple blade of grass.
- Stay out of debt. Debt is one of the leading causes of emotional and psychological stress. Last year I decided to eliminate one purchase a month. In January it was designer coffee, in February it was magazines, in March it was new clothes and as the 2009 comes to an end I rarely have any unnecessary purchases.
- How are you giving back to life? Do something altruistic and fun. This year we donated money to “Wounded Warriors” and “The Smile Train.” In 2010 we are going to work with wwww.peanutbutterplan.org. People gather to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and then hand them out to the homeless.
- Forgive yourself and others. Is someone in your life you need to forgive and can’t or won’t for some reason? Become aware of the story you tell yourself about this person. Next, drop the story. Everyone deserves another chance. Resentment is like having a ball and chain around you ankle that weighs you down. Choose to begin with a clean slate each morning.
- Eliminate gossip in your life. For the next 24 hours only speak positively about others. Tiger Woods and his family is an example of gossip gone wrong. In order for Tiger to heal his life he needs our support and prayers not our gossip and insane inquiry of details.
- Avoid unhappy people. Refuse to be in the presence of people who bring you down or deplete your energy. Surrounding yourself with happy and successful people sounds selfish. It’s not. It’s one of the healthiest things you can do for yourself.
- Get off the pity pot. Drop your story about your past. It’s impossible to be happy if you blame others for your life circumstances. You aren’t responsible for what happened to you in your childhood. You are responsible for how you handle it today
- Find hobbies that make time stand still. In our busy lives many of us don’t allow time to play or get creative. Pursuing a hobby is a joyful gift to your self.
- Learn to accept constructive criticism. I was twenty two years old, out-of-control and an immature mother when my brother-in-law, Paul, looked me in the eyes and said, “you need help.” With a few months I decided to get counseling. Because I didn’t take it personally his comment changed my life.
- Live by the golden rule. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Being able to put myself in another’s shoes has allowed me to be kind, generous and caring when I haven’t wanted to be. We are all on the same path doing the best we know how to do.
- Choose calm over drama. It’s easy to get caught up in what is going on around you. Inner peace is being able to remain centered in any kind of difficulty.
- Focus on good. Begin every morning by writing down five things that are right in your world. Today I have my health, my home, a car that runs, food in my refrigerator and people who love me. When we focus on good it multiplies.
- Change your routine. We are creatures of habit. Take an alternative route to work, change your cologne and sleep on the other side of the bed. This expands creativity and allows you see things in a different light.
- Radiate positive energy. Decide each morning that you will make it a great day. Choose to smile, laugh and help others. Doing so adds truth and beauty to our world.
- Be open to change. If you were brave what’s one thing you would do differently? Learn to be flexible and open to the opinions of others. Notice any resistance in your life. When we can embrace change fears fade away.
- Learn to say “no.” Often we say “yes” out of obligation or guilt. I have learned to say, “No, that’s not going to work for me” when someone asks me to do something I don’t want to do. I never offer an excuse. Usually after repeating the line twice the other person backs down.
- Read inspiring poetry and uplifting books. You always feel better when you do. This is why “Chicken Soup for the Soul” books are best sellers.
- Move your body. Being active gets endorphins going and creates feel good energy. Our bodies are built for exercising. I saw a 79 year old man finish the iron man in Hawaii for the eleventh time in a row. I’ll never forget it.
- Express love. Do you share your love with those around you? Often we don’t tell people how we feel about them. We think they “should know.” Maybe it’s uncomfortable for you to do so. Begin to practice telling others: I love you, I care about you, you are important to me. Hug and kiss when you greet the people who mean the most to you. Call somebody and tell them you are thinking of them. You have the power to uplift others. When you do so you are uplifted as well.
We decide how much joy we experience every day. We decide weather we trudge or dance through life. Please share with us your thoughts below.
In what way do you give yourself away to “to too little joy?”
What would “understanding how to dance” look like in your life?”
What might you do to encourage others to “dance?”
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Hi Tess, welcome to CYT.
I have to say 5,7 and 15 are my favourites in this collection. I think being around negative people is a real energy drainer and best to avoid them. Forgiving yourself is also extremely important, ‘dropping the story’ is a must.
Thanks again Tess, enjoy your stay here.
hi steven id like to ask u to help me in something .
im too senstive everybody told me that so i start to avoid making realathionships with others my friends i dont have aclose freind either im too afraid from loosing them but some time i need them to took and sharing things
and my second problem is that i hate routine how can i change that
thank u
Don’t try to change who you are, Raha. You have been created wonderfully! When you are true to your inner strengths you are at your best. Discover your real, hard-wired strengths (note: these are not “talents”) and build upon them. Your strengths drive you, provide your energy and will propel you to the goal for which you were created. I learned this from a great new book, INNERKINETICS — Your Blueprint to Excellence and Happiness. Maybe it will help you too.
Mary Jo
I’d have to say that saying ‘no’ is one of the hardest things for me to do. I am always afraid of letting people down, but I know that to be my best and have enjoy life, I need to learn how to say it.
.-= Tom | Build That List´s last blog ..RSS Subscribers VS Email List | Which Is Better? =-.
Saying No to others is huge! Once you learn it you reclaim your freedom! I tell clients to say, “No, that’s not going to work for me.” Don’t offer any reasons or excuses. Usually it takes repeating just this line twice and the other person backs off. If not the third time will absolutely do the trick.
It’s creating a boundary. We don’t owe anyone anything, not even a reason or explanation.
The title is refreshing… how wonderful would it be for us all to feel joy and dance through life? Love all the tips provided especially No 7 and No 18 ..There nothing as good as engaging our mind in books , poetry and many others sources to keep us inspired .
Nice to see you Here Tess
.-= Fatibony ´s last blog ..Different Ways to Appreciate Someone =-.
Steve,
Thanks so much for having me as your guest today. I need to spend time with my art. I’m off when it comes to enjoying previous hobbies compared to time spend on blogging and other work projects.
Loving and forgiving myself are also high on my list. I find they are on going
gifts I give and receive daily.
Eliminate the fear to be yourself and live congruently with it.
I’d rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I’m not!
.-= Tess The Bold Life´s last blog ..Good Bye To Guilt by Jerry Jampolsky,M.D. =-.
Tess, thank you for an amazing post (and thank you Steven for publishing it on your blog)! This is a great list of tips that can help anyone be joyful every day no matter what.
I could probably add one more tip that always helps me: Always try to be good and don’t chase after the Best. We spend so much time chasing our own ideals that we do not have any time left to be happy and joyful. Be good every day and stop being your best because there is no such thing as a perfect world (or a perfect person.)
.-= Anastasiya´s last blog ..How to Find Happiness and Serenity with the Help of Seashells (and without them) =-.
This is so true … when we chase after ideals we are in an ego state. When we enjoy the moment and accept what is we are coming from love and all flows. I think this is especially true for me as a blogger.
.-= Tess The Bold Life´s last blog ..Good Bye To Guilt by Jerry Jampolsky,M.D. =-.
I love the one about choosing calm versus drama.
People will happily invite us into their drama if we let them.
And, we can certainly create our own drama by over focusing on everything that’s not going right.
I think for myself, I can take myself away from my joy by focusing on my work too much. Being self employed, it’s easy for me to allow myself to get swallowed up in work and lose the balance in my life.
Good food for thought!
Thank you!
.-= Susan Liddy´s last blog ..Did you know… =-.
I agree, I do the same…all work and no play makes for a very dull day!
.-= Tess The Bold Life´s last blog ..Good Bye To Guilt by Jerry Jampolsky,M.D. =-.
I loved all the tips Tess, so much wisdom and truth in what you’ve written. I am actually cultivating inner peace now and trying to stay calm and centered in any situation. Life became so much more enjoyable and I feel lighetr and more confident.
Thank you!
.-= Lana – DreamFollowers Blog´s last blog ..My 2010 Goals and 2 Awesome Techniques I Used to Set Them. =-.
Lana,
Thats a great thing to do…be calm in any situation. It’s one of life’s greatest accomplishments. And yes the feeling lighter is the best!
Hi Tess, great tips, I like your article…
I feel joy when I say something to myself as: “I will not allow anyone to take my joy, my joy is something that depends from me and only me” – Sometimes that help me a lot.
.-= Marko @ calmgrowth´s last blog ..How to Live Without Self Doubt =-.
That is so true and easy to remember.
.-= Tess The Bold Life´s last blog ..Good Bye To Guilt by Jerry Jampolsky,M.D. =-.
Hello Tess and Steven for the inspiration ,it helps a lot to me especially now that I’m recovering over the past . Thank you from the bottom of my heart .
Jennette,
Thank you for stopping by and yeah for you on your new journey. Recovering from your past takes courage but you’ll soon discover the rewards. I remember that being an exciting part of my life because it’s when I first recognized my power! My best on your journey.
.-= Tess The Bold Life´s last blog ..Why I Love To Blog =-.
Hi, Tess, so interesting, I like your article, I am brasilian, this is my first time here, Thanks, I can to feel the joy.
Great tips.
Welcome and don’t you just love that joyful feeling? Come back for more…Steve’s blog rocks!
.-= Tess The Bold Life´s last blog ..Why I Love To Blog =-.
Thank you so very much Tess just reading through the list of 20 made me feel a little more joyous.
Taking on and trying to solve other peoples problems and holding onto them is one of my joy’s bubble bursters.
Liz,
I understand completley. I didn’t know how to establish emotional boundaries for a long time. Even though today I know better I can still take on the problems of my grand children:)
.-= Tess The Bold Life´s last blog ..Why I Love To Blog =-.
Hi Tess, there are some real gems in this list. I especially appreciated #10 Learn to accept constructive criticism, #12 Choose calm over drama, and #13 Focus on good. These are big time game changers that cove three completely different and important areas of life.
.-= Jonathan – Advanced Life Skills´s last blog ..Personal Excellence with Advanced Life Skills =-.
Hi Jonathan,
Yes they are and it took me forever to get No.10 down. I think I took it personally instead of seeing the good in it. Amen to knowing better!
.-= Tess The Bold Life´s last blog ..Why I Love To Blog =-.
I would add:
- Live in the moment. A colleague of mine once told me that depression is about the past, and anxiety is about the future. I believe this to be true. Living in the moment is a key to a happy and joyful life.
- Learn to accept. This is related to living in the moment. Learning to accept the world around you instead of fighting against it is the first step to adapting to and overcoming adversity… which results in greater happiness in life.
Another great post, Steve!
.-= Chris Akins´s last blog ..Book Review: Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life =-.
Sounds to me like you have a very wise friend. I agree we are either in the pain of the past or fear of the future and we need only to bring ourselves back to the moment and breathe. Thanks for your contribution.
.-= Tess The Bold Life´s last blog ..Why I Love To Blog =-.
This is a nice list. It is nice reminder.
” It’s impossible to be fearful and joyful at the same time.” – that’s an interesting, BOLD statement and I’m not 100% sure that I agree with it. Could you not be fearful about understandably scary issues and yet within that reality still live joyfully at the same time?
Hi Coach Rosie,
I love a challenge! Who am I to say impossible? It’s probably different for everyone. For me when I’m fearful it kills my joy. Yesterday I was afraid and I certainly didn’t feel joyful. There was no room for it to bloom.
.-= Tess The Bold Life´s last blog ..Why I Love To Blog =-.
You’re right of course Tess and so am I in a wee way. I guess it’s a matter of degrees of fear. At my most horrendously fearful you’re right, there was no room for joy. And yet, one lives with a certain amount of fear daily (I certainly do), and have learnt to feel quite good along with it and in spite of it.
Now, after a joyful snooze I’m popping over to see just ‘why you love to blog’!
Dearest Tess,
I soo love this list…and there are so many points i really do need to still work on. Like saying NO….my god thats still difficult for me. I just hate upsetting people or making them sad…hmmm….
But this is anew year…and a new set of goals has come into being….am goign to pay close attention to learning to say no and move my body….apparently i can be very lazy
Much Love
Z~
Steven my friend, thank you for hosting awesome Tess here. It so much fun to be a part of CYT! Am sure Tess is loving every minute of it
.-= Zeenat{Positive Provocations}´s last blog ..Recurring Patterns =-.
Z.
The way I look at it I don’t have the power to make anyone else sad. I choose my feelings. It could be you’d rather be doing for others instead of exercising.
What do you think. I need to lift weights and I’d rather run errands for 100 people rather than do that! Say no to others and yes to you!
.-= Tess The Bold Life´s last blog ..Why I Love To Blog =-.
Hey Tess – Love the metaphor of dancing with life. And finding pleasure in the simple things is what keeps me dancing these days.
.-= Patty – Why Not Start Now?´s last blog ..In the Hallway of Transition =-.
Hi Patty,
Thanks for taking the time to dance on by here! I’m learning new dance steps everyday! Ahh yes the simple things.
.-= Tess The Bold Life´s last blog ..Why I Love To Blog =-.
Hi Tess,
This one really stands out for me ;
” Learn to accept constructive criticism. I was twenty two years old, out-of-control and an immature mother when my brother-in-law, Paul, looked me in the eyes and said, “you need help.” With a few months I decided to get counseling. Because I didn’t take it personally his comment changed my life.”
That says it all to me. Paul being a bold stand for you, having enough interest in you to see what was going on AND then speaking up. THAT is how I too would like to connect with others, to do that for them and they doing that for me. THAT will make for a joyful world and thanks for your speaking up today. Wilma xxo
At the time I didn’t see Paul as having a real interest in me. I just knew my life was out of control and he had the guts to say it. However now that I reflect on it he could have had my best interests in mind!
.-= Tess The Bold Life´s last blog ..Why I Love To Blog =-.
Hi, tess it was one of the most inspirational set of rules for life that I have ever read
thanks so much for spreading this kind of awareness among people. God bless
Hi Srinath,
Well thank you very much. I’m happy you could relate and my only mission in life is to be kind and grateful first and then the rest will follow.
.-= Tess The Bold Life´s last blog ..Why I Love To Blog =-.
Thank you Tess. These are wonderful tips to live by. We would all be better off if we read them to ourselves every day.
Dr. Jennifer Howard
http://www.drjenniferhoward.com/free-gift.asp
.-= Dr. Jennifer Howard´s last blog ..Hasten Slowly by Kathlyn and Gay Hendricks =-.
Dr. Jennifer,
Yeah that’s a good idea for me as well! Walk my talk…read daily as a reminder.
However some of these just come naturally or I’ve been practicing them for a lot of years:)
.-= Tess The Bold Life´s last blog ..Why I Love To Blog =-.
#3 sure rings true for me. I often think that if I could just get ahead a little financially that everything else would take care of itself. Thanks for giving me a lot to think about.
.-= Tom M.´s last blog ..Do Follow Blog, Comment Luv Keyword Luv =-.
I liked points: 3, 7 and 17.
The point 17 is very important. If you can’t say “No” at a proper time, you may pay heavy price later. I am still paying the price.
.-= Rohit Prakash´s last blog ..Innovate while you work =-.
Excellent advice- and it’s simple enough to do straight away. These are like the behavioral part of cognitive behavioral therapy- changing your behavior (in a positive direction) can lead to immediate change in your general mood- exercise is a great example of this.
Also- motivation follows action.
.-= Feeling Good´s last blog ..Feeling Good The New Mood Therapy updated Tue Jan 12 2010 5:16 am CST =-.
Tess, you really provided some wonderful tips here. I really like the idea of writing down 5 things that are going right for you each day. Such a wonderful to keep a positive outlook!
.-= Nea | Self Improvement Saga´s last blog ..Peer Pressure and Conformity: Do You Fear Standing Out from the Crowd? =-.
5, 8, 11, 18 and 20 resonate particularly with me. Learning to forgive yourself (even more so than others) and drop the story are key to moving forwards and creating the life you want.
As long as you’re stuck in your story, and telling it to anyone who’ll listen, you’re likely to keep repeating the same cycle over and over again. The Sedona Method is one good way of getting out of the cycle (http://www.sedonacoaching.co.uk/) but also things like The Work from Byron Katie.
.-= Gordon Mullan´s last blog ..24 Most Ridiculously Thought Out Storefront Signs =-.
Hi Tess!
I loved your post so much that I went to your website and downloaded your ebook, “Flying By The Seat of My Soul”. I loved every page!
You married so young and really grew up with your kids. The challenges of your life are an inspiration to me. As is your long and successful marriage!
Thank you so much for all that you share. I wish you great fortune in life from this day forward.
All the best,
Hugh
Tom,
I’m not sure if I agree. I think when we have it together we aren’t distracting ourselves with debt and stuff we don’t need anymore.
Rohit,
Forgive yourself and move on! We’re right where we’re suppose to be.
Feeling Good,
You’re right…I used to work as a therapist!
Saga,
So simple, yet so difficult if we don’t do it. 5 things… who would’ve thought!
Gordon,
We are on the same page! I couldn’t agree with you more.
Hugh,
I came over here to finish my comments because I don’t want to miss any and it’s my responsibility to Steve. And what a gift you gave me for my efforts.
I sold 60 last week at a speaking engagement. Real life stuff. It works;)
.-= Tess The Bold Life´s last blog ..How to Build a Winning Work Ethic =-.
Glad I stumbled across this site..currently going through a rough time. Experiencing joy and choosing joy are key to making it through this life in good times and bad. Your tips come in handy for me right here right now..thanks a bunch..I needed it!
Scott,
We’re glad to be able to help! Hope you become a regular on this blog. It’ll change your life and Steve’s got great stuff planned for 2010!
Staying out of debt is a good one. The feeling of lightness of financial abundance is the best feeling ever. Also changing one habit per month like I’m doing now at my blog and in my life will change your life drastically for the better in just 1 year.